I think my friend is cheating, should I tell her boyfriend?

Philippines
January 31, 2010 1:13am CST
They are both my friends so I'm torn. It's a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I grew up with both of them and I don't want to lose anyone of them. Am I supposed to choose between them? Help.
1 person likes this
13 responses
• United States
10 Feb 10
Just make sure you know,I think you should tell.Just say to her I can't let you hurt my other friend,and could we still be friends.Just be as relaxed,and clam as you can.I hope you work things out.
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
I hope that too. Thanks for the encouragement.
@ybong007 (6654)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
It's none of your business. Anyway, since its just a suspicion so can ask your friend if it's true or not. If it's true then she should break up with her boyfriend. the earlier this done the better for both of them. This will keep you away from meddling in their affairs just in case the boyfriend found out about your other frined's other relationship sooner. This way, you don't have to choose.
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• Philippines
14 Feb 10
Thanks I'm actually thinking of just letting it ride but the guilt of knowing just makes me uncomfortable.
@ybong007 (6654)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
I understand. It may be not of your business but there's a tendency that you'll get caught in the middle if you don't do anything about it. Talking to your cheater friend and putting some sense to her is the best thing to do.
• Philippines
17 Feb 10
That's what I'm planning to do. Thank you.
• Australia
31 Jan 10
Don't say anything untill you are sure. I have seen relationships shredded for this reason. My best advice would be to speak with the female you think is cheating and just probe towards the question. I wouldn't blurt it out "Are you cheating??" but if she trusts you, you might find she is looking for someone to talk about feelings she has for another person. You will then become the mediator and be able to guide her in making the right choice.
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• Philippines
31 Jan 10
but what if my other friend learns that I've known it was happening and I didn't tell him? Thanks for the advice by the way.
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• Australia
31 Jan 10
Then you explain to him that you value both their friendships and that the reason you did not tell him was not because you didn't want to, but because you wanted time to figure out exactly what was going on before you started an unnecessary confrontation. If they are your real friends then they will understand that you feel in the middle and shouldn't have to be put in that situation.
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• United States
31 Jan 10
Heck, if you know it's happening, get them both together and get some discussion going. Your friend might be waiting for a good time to tell him anyway, so talk to her.
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@1anurag1 (3578)
• India
14 Feb 10
I think if both of them are your friends. you must give the support to the right.and i think initially you must ask your friend not to cheat and if she is not convinced you can go ahead and tell the lover of her the reality. atleast you will do in this way your part of work and then their destiny will play its role.
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• Philippines
14 Feb 10
Yeah I think you're right. I think their relationship will move on whether I have an information about it or not. I'm planning to talk to the girl. Thanks.
@dgtempe1 (88)
• United States
12 Feb 10
I would not say anything to her, but i would approach HIM and ask him whats going on. Tell him you know its really not your business, but you do care for your girlfriend. Get a feel for what he says and how he reacts. I would be very careful handling this situation because you could hurt your friend, and she in turn may not want to be your friend anymore. Handle it with tact, and if he appears to be sorry for his indiscretions, i would leave it alone.....for awhile...if you see more activity right in front of your face, then he obviously doesnt care about your friend. I STILL wouldnt tell her, set it up somehow so SHE can see it for herself. That leaves you clean of any wrongdoing. This is my opinion. ;)
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• Philippines
14 Feb 10
It's actually the girl that I think is cheating. But your advice sounds good. I still haven't had a chance to talk to her though. I thought I could the other day but we didn't find the time to hang out.
@Hatley (164014)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Feb 10
abitcurious wellfor me I would not help the cheater as I think that is the most rotten way to treat someone whom you told you loved, and now you break that trust, So I would not want to remain a friend with a cheater, even if they are not married, I know the modern trend is to have new boyfriends every so often so am not sure what to really say here. For one thing I would be very sure that your woman friend really is cheating, then maybe you could just talk to her and suggest that's not a very loyal way to treat a boyfriend. that if she has fallen out of love she should be honest and break it off with boyfriend no. 1 before chosing boyfriend no.2.that way is you are gentle you can keep her friendship and also his friendship too.
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• Philippines
11 Feb 10
You got that right. It's just so hard to be in the middle of a future conflict. I know if I don't speak up things will be much worse later. I plan to talk with the girl later this week. I hope I still have the guts to push through with my one-woman intervention. Yikes.
• United States
2 Feb 10
I wouldn't say anything unless you new for sure that she was cheating on him. Because if she isn't you can lose both of your friends. And I know its a hard thing to so to hold back and not say anything at the moment but the right time will come when he will find out. Cheating is never right to do to one another. It only hurts one another.
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@patms1 (522)
• United States
1 Feb 10
The best thing to do is go to the girl and tell her if you know about her cheating then others will to. She has to make up her mind which boy she wants. Tell her she doesn't want the reputation for being a cheat.Then don't say any more. If the boy finds out you knew then explain to him that you spoke to her and wanted to give her a chance to do what was right.
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@alfroi635 (299)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
You rather choose which is right. When your friend will be mad at you because of what you did, just tell her that you only did the right thing. In that way, there will be no guilt felt by you.
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• India
31 Jan 10
i think you should first had a good discussion with the friend who is cheating her boyfriend and should tell explain her that u r not happy with her attitude. even then if she goes on with her habit, you should tell her boyfriend but calmly telling him that he have to handle this situation very diplomatically
@agmp26 (21)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
Most often, things are easier said than done. If I were you, I would approach the female friend in a nice manner. If she would tell me that I should get out of the situation then I'll leave it to her. Anyway, they're my friends and either way, if I'd be the one to tell the guy friend about it or not tell at all, I have my own reason which is I don't want to lose them both and that I'm leaving all the things to them. And the guy friend should understand it, too. In their situation, they're still boyfriend/girlfriend so I see it's not really a big deal for them. I will just advise the female friend to settle her things if she really values their relationship.
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@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
31 Jan 10
I know your intentions but the best thing is to talk to your friend who is cheating & try to make hher understand your intentions but I suggest you are not in the position to tell her boyfriend that she is cheating for you might lose her & turn out to be bad & can be the cause of their break up just keep to yourself what you know & you can deny it anytime the boyfriend confront you.
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• United States
31 Jan 10
Don't tell. If you trust your friends, then you should believe that they will either figure it out, or your friend isn't cheating at all. Unless you are sure, and have seen your friend cheating, don't mess up something like that. If you really want to tell, find a way around directly telling them. Why not get the boyfriend interested in what his girlfriend is doing during a time you think she may be cheating. He will most likely get led to the same conclusion, and you may not lose either of your friends. If you tell now without proof, you may be in for some disappointing times. If the girl is a good friend, then you should talk to her first, because maybe she just doesn't want to hurt the guy. Never blindly follow your assumptions, get some more info first.