What would you think if a preacher refused to marry you?

@free_man (7335)
United States
February 1, 2010 12:23pm CST
Hi my mother in law and her husband had their wedding planned and all set up they had asked a preacher they knew to marry them, but he said no. The reason is because he knew the man that she was marrying her. And he has a lot of disgust for this man. Now if a preacher told me no he wouldn't marry me because he didn't like the man I was marrying I would stop and wonder at least why. And it wasn't cause he was divorced or she was they both had been widowed/widower. This was after we told her what we had already heard. The preacher that wouldn't marry them seen us some time later and told us that he couldn't believe that she married that man. They did get a preacher to marry them. But even he showed up real late for their wedding. Wouldn't you wonder why a preacher didn't want to marry you to someone? What if a preacher told you no he wouldn't preform the marriage ceremony? Would you be concerened? This was a second preacher that said no! Would this bring up red flags for you? It would for me!
6 people like this
11 responses
@cream97 (29163)
• United States
1 Feb 10
Hi, free_man. Yes, if it was me, I would be very concerned as to why the preacher does not want to marry me to the man that I am in love with. I would wonder why myself. It has to be a reason especially if they were told no twice.. Maybe God gave these preachers a sermon or something. I feel that the preacher should have honestly told the woman why he feels that she should not marry the man that she is in love with. There has got to be some reasonable explanation for this. I would be very concerned and I would want some answers quickly. If a preacher knows something that I don't know, I would rather for him to tell me.
2 people like this
@jaiho2009 (38989)
• Philippines
1 Feb 10
I haven't heard personally situation like this. I guess the preacher had the option to refuse. The preacher as what you have wrote,know the man(the groom)and,maybe,the preacher knows the man very well,and that,the preacher thinks and feel that,that man won't be a good husband,so,the preacher refuses to conduct the ceremony if he feels that,whatever wrong or problem occurs with the couple afterwards...he will be responsible of it. We never knew the real reason,but,we had to respect the preacher. It would really sounds odd...i will also ask the real reason behind the refusal,so that,i won't think bad towards the preacher. Getting clear answer will always be better rather than having some speculations. Have a good day always
2 people like this
@laglen (19779)
• United States
1 Feb 10
I would wonder as well. But I would also like to point out the fact that a preacher should always have the option to refuse.
• United States
2 Feb 10
I have heard of preachers refusing to marry couples. The preacher may have told your mother in law or her husband why and they just aren't saying. The preacher is only gonna tell you and family members so much so not to cause an unbalanced harmony in the family. He wants everyone to see for themselves not take his word for it. I know when I married the minister sat us both down and talked to us for about 2 hours before he agreed too marry us. He never talked to us one on one like many do. Everything was fine until the day of the wedding. I arrived at the church and the minister walked up to me kissed my forehead and told me if I wanted to back out do so now and he would understand. I looked at him in amazement and said no this is what I want. It wasn't until we were in the limo on our way to the reception that I found out he had arrived at the church drunk and the minister had to sober him up. Needless to say we are going through a divorce presently. Yes take warning when a preacher, Minister, Priest, Rabi etc... say no I'm not marrying you or ask you if you want to back out there is some underlying reason.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7335)
• United States
2 Feb 10
Hi Franciscoandlee. I do believe if a minister had told me that he wouldn't marry me that I would have asked why. But mom is an eldery lady and had decieded to take a chance. She didn't want to live the rest of her life alone. But thank God she has seen the lite and is getting a divorce soon I hope and pray. It has gotten worse instead of better. After she made him sign some papers about her will he started being a real donkeys bottom. So yesterday we think was the last straw.
• United States
2 Feb 10
Yep that will do it every time give them legal paper work and watch the real person come out. Well I hope all works out for your mother in law and your family.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7335)
• United States
2 Feb 10
Hi Franciscoandlee. Yep as soon as the will was changed he stared acting like a real jerk. Like the SCUM BAG he really is. She hadn't seen the true guy he is till she started talking money. Now he wants her to sell her stuff to keep him happy. But yesterday mom said it was the last straw. And is talking divorce. Thank God!
• United States
2 Feb 10
at that point, i'd have really wondered what i was getting into. did she ever find out what's wrong with this guy? i'm pretty curious to know what he could have done that was so wrong that not one but two preachers refused.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32255)
• United States
2 Feb 10
The number one reason I'd be wondering why, is if the man had been divorced, and the woman as well... but seeing as you say this doesn't bother him, maybe it's the fact that the man has done something wrong in the church, or if it's a catholic priest, maybe confession was given, and something unholy was revealed and the preachers just wanted to protect your MIL? I'm not really sure. I've never had a preacher refuse to marry me, we had to get another preacher for reasons I won't go into...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
hello there, I d believe there are reasons why the preacher didn't want to have them married unless they knew information that could cause problems with the other partner. they're just being cautious not to let any one married just because they spent time here and there. that's why there's always counseling before marriage, not sure what religion is that refusing a marriage
1 person likes this
@free_man (7335)
• United States
2 Feb 10
Hi LetranKnight. I don't know what this preachers religion is. Don't go to his church. We go to church through the internet. Don't trust too many preachers to teach us what is the real truth. But do have one on the net that teaches straight from the bible. But are friends with this preacher or one of them at least. The other preacher I have been to his church and he don't teach the truth. So I don't go to his church anymore. One told us it was cause of the way this guys last two wives passed away shortly after they were married. Thank God mom is talking divorce. This man has been a real jerk lately. Cause mom changed her will and left him nothing and he is upset about it. But he wanted his children to get her other home and all of her stuff didn't want her to leave her children anything. Oh well we keep praying it will be over soon.
@Rhazelle (356)
• Canada
2 Feb 10
Wow the guy sounds like a total jackass to me. Preachers are generally really calm and nice and... religious people. If two preachers turned you down because they didn't like the guy you were marrying then heck, there's red flags everywhere. It IS your own choice whether or not to marry the guy in the end anyway, so meh.
1 person likes this
@ghieptc (2525)
• Philippines
2 Feb 10
I think the lust & the spiritual, don't mix. How a preacher will perform his duty or representative of God if he would marry.Also it's an option of preacher if he can handle it.If you could look on the Leviticus, priest marry in-order to perform their duty & continue the race. God choose a priest. Preacher now a days have an option to marry or not.
1 person likes this
@MJay101 (711)
1 Feb 10
It would tend to make me avoid preachers... Which I do anyway - so no harm there! I plan to have an atheist ceremony.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7335)
• United States
1 Feb 10
Hi MJay. This preacher knows something and isn't saying all he knows about my mother in laws husband that is why he wouldn't marry them. We do believe in God. But to each their own.
@barehugs (8984)
• Canada
2 Feb 10
With over 50% of all marriages ending in divorce, I'm wondering if marriage should be abolished? After all,who in their right mind would buy a car if there was a 50% chance of it breaking down, and a car is designed to last 10 years while a marriage is for life! Very Very unrealistic isn't it! AS for the preacher - this is a different story. Who is a preacher to judge the merits of a would-be husband? I take everything religious with a grain of salt! My faith is limited to what I can see, touch, and taste and hear, and the last thing in this world I'd worry about, is a Preacher's judgment.
1 person likes this