Outsiders have interfered with parenting! What a mess they've made!

@dloveli (4366)
United States
February 2, 2010 6:53am CST
When I was growing up if we disobeyed we were punished. If it was something terrible, we were spanked. I think me and my sisters turned out okay. Same with most of my relatives, neighbors, and friends turned out okay. We never heard of children hitting their parents or staying out all night. When/if these things happened it was like a scandal. Every one was talking about it. All of a sudden the schools butt in and start telling the children to call 911 if someone hurts them. Sure it hurts when you spanked. It's supposed to. They didnt explain things as they should of. They didnt want to talk about abuse so they generalized it. They didnt want to admit there is a such thing as abuse and we should educate our children on the difference. Instead teachers and staff were not comfortable talking about it so they made it seem less serious than it is. Children took it as your parents can no longer discipline you. NOT! Now it has spiraled out of control. Kids are using the fact that they can call authorities to scare their parents. I bet you if parents called their bluff and said "Go ahead and call" they will soon understand that you arent going to be bullied. I do understand their is abuse. I think their is a big difference between abuse and spanking. Kids today are out of control! They do what they want, when they want and how they want to. Not in my house. We have got to take our lives back and raise our children as we see fit(within reason) If you are a spanker you have to make sure you never spank when your mad. That leads into abuse. We have to make sure that we are disciplining safely. I think its unfair for a stranger to walk into a home and just because they have a degree can decide to take your kids away. Most dont have children. That's what really annoys me. At least have a child so you can relate to our frustration.What do you think? Has the school system and government gone too far? dl
5 people like this
12 responses
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
2 Feb 10
I do believe that kids believe they have the upper hand. I do believe they go to far with letting the kids think that they cannot spanked. I have had to tell my son that if he thought he was being abused, to go ahead and call.
2 people like this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
4 Feb 10
That's exactly what the schools and organizations have led them to believe. Im sorry I am not going to let my child run things. NO WAY! I have told my daughters the same thing. If they think they'll have it better elsewhere go! there still here. I even volunteered to help them pack. lol Thanks Rob! DL
@mgmagana (3618)
• United States
22 Feb 10
i spank once in a blue moon....only if my kids really don't listen...the other day my daughter wanted a snack at 10pm i said no... it's late she should be in bed already...well she kept at it and i said no go to bed well she decided to start hitting me... so i spanked her ... i noticed too that kids who are spanked regularly aren't phased by the spankings....where as my kids whenever it happens they act like someone is murdering them.... i do realize that it hurts more when something they r not used to happens.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
22 Feb 10
You are absolutely right and you have every right to spank your children. She/He deserved it. If you put her to bed that right there is a sign that maybe its not a good time for a snack. The fact that she hit you is was, and will always be a definite reason to smack. If you let her hit you she will always do it. I know this woman whosw daughter hits her and let me tell you I want to beat the living SH*T out of her. Of course its not my child. However if she took care of this after the very first incident she would have stopped it in their tracks. dl
@mgmagana (3618)
• United States
22 Feb 10
o for sure...when a parent doesn't discipline for a child hitting them then that is a sign to come for a teenager that is going to walk all over them!
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
3 Feb 10
Yes the school system and government has gone too far, they so often do! And I think you've hit the nail on the head.. I think time outs and grounding works too, but is bigger punishment for the parent and I think parents find it hard to force time outs.. so I think lots of kids aren't getting enough discipline (boundaries) and frankly that coupled with their "there is no meaning to life, only matter" education, is making many very cynical and some downright angry, even to the point of acts of violence (upon society in their view)..
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Our society has gone crazy. Between all the efforts to 'be PC' (which are dumb in my opinion, the idea of being PC is NOT PC toward EVERYBODY) and the efforts for government and the law and schools to step into people's personal business, where is our freedom going? Down the tubes. They also seem to harrass ordinary people who are doing nothing wrong, while allowing people who are actually being abused or neglected to be killed or die. As far as the bruise thing - I have bruised MYSELF before and hoped my friends wouldn't 'wonder' about it or ask me. My daughter is very active and runs and plays and falls down and runs into things all the time. It's very common for her to have bruised knees or shins or elbows or even a bump on the head. I was the same way as a kid. My son skateboards and falls all the time, it is common for him to have bruises and scrapes from that. I would TOTALLY come unglued on any idiot who tried to connect ANY of our bruises to any type of abuse. As far as the being tired thing? My son and daughter are both night people. They like to stay up late. NEITHER of them likes getting up in the morning. They will complain and complain of being tired. Guess what? I TRY to get both of them to go to bed earlier. YOu can't make a kid SLEEP. In the end, if they are both tired, it's because they did not sleep. Not because there's no routine. Not because I didn't MAKE THEM GO TO BED. Simply because they chose to stay up, so it isn't my fault they are tired. Sometimes I'm tired because I didn't go to sleep, because I had something else I needed to do or wanted to do. As an adult, I realize this will make me tired. I realize I have nobody to blame but myself. It is too bad that kids don't have enough understanding to realize this and say 'hey, it was my fault, I didn't go to bed, don't blame my mom'. Then there are the situations where you have a well meaning person wonder why your kid didn't eat breakfast or why they didn't bring a lunch. OK. Here we go. My kid stayed up till 11:30 and even then refused to go to sleep. Then I couldn't get her up in the morning. It took so long to get her dressed there was no TIME to eat breakfast, and even though I gave her something in the car, she didn't eat it. When you provide every opportunity for a kid and they throw it back in your face, you did your best and other people need to keep their stupid mouths duct taped shut lol. As far as the lunch thing, if you have a kid in junior high or high school, if they don't bring a lunch, it's because they were lazy and didn't pack themselves one - it's not because mom is bad or because there is really no food in the house. Trust me. I hear you loud and clear dl.
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
2 Feb 10
I bet you if parents called their bluff and said "Go ahead and call" they will soon understand that you arent going to be bullied. Unfortunately thats not necessarily true..Ive known several kids over the past few yrs who if their bluff was called they WOULD (and in some cases HAVE) called...some out of spite, some to "outbluff" the parents, some because they werent aware of the severity of doing it... I do understand their is abuse. I think their is a big difference between abuse and spanking. yes there certainly is BUT....to an abuser there is not....they justify their beating their children by saying they are disciplining them...So who will decide what is considered abuse and what isnt....if a child does something really naughty and the parent spanks them 4 or 5 good hard times but its NOT a regular occurance, is it abuse? what about a child who gets spanked one good wollup a few times a week becuase they are so unruly and sometimes a bruise is left behind? is that discipline or abuse? What about a child getting one or two good swats on the behindn with a wooden spoon on rare occasions because he/she has done something bad? Is that abuse or discipline? Kids today are out of control! They do what they want, when they want and how they want to. I'm sorry but first off NOT ALL kids are like that..and secondly I blame the parents and caregivers NOT becuase they are no longer allowed to spank but because SO MANY KIDS have parents/caregivers today that are just unattentive..they arent involved..they are too busy with this that and the other to REALLY parent... If you are a spanker you have to make sure you never spank when your mad. That leads into abuse. I disagree...of course I'm sure in some cases that is what happens but not always....when I would spank my kids I was mad becuase they'd just done soemthing stupid and naughty...but I've NEVER abused my kids..An abusive person will abuse regardless of whether or nto they are mad when they spank their children.. I think its unfair for a stranger to walk into a home and just because they have a degree can decide to take your kids away. Most dont have children. Again not true..sure there are some that work for DSS, FACS etc etc that are childless but there are also MANY MANY who are parents..and really thats like saying a surgeon shouldnt be a surgeon if they've never been operated on (extreme comparison but you get what I mean)...there are MANY counselors, social workers etc out there that have no kids but are FABULOUS at what they do...As for them "taking your kids away" - well they are doign their jobs which requires them to follow the law...in many cases you'll find that a worker DOES NOT agree with the generalized laws... Has the school system and government gone too far? the school system has nothing to do with it..much like social workers, they are simply following the law..As for the gov, yes I think they maybe havent gone too far but more like made up a law that really needs to be fine tuned..
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Kids today are out of control! They do what they want, when they want and how they want to. I want to address this because I didn't in my post. THIS right here is due to INCONSISTENCY and NO CLEAR CUT AND ENFORCED EXPECTATIONS. I don't understand the amount of people who don't start being consistent with expectations when their children are BABIES. I know people who thought it was cute but unreasonable that my 14 month old put her jammies in the hamper and a bowl in the sink. Why? It set her up for good habits where she knows that is mommy's expectation - you put your clothes in the hamper and your dishes in the sink! If you NEVER allowed your kids to be 'out of control' or to 'do what they want, when they want, how they want to', they won't be that way. Unfortunately ANY child who does any of those things once will probably try again, which is why it is so hard to re-parent kids you didn't give birth to because there is already inconsistency in their lives...
• United States
5 Feb 10
I completely agree with you. Some parents are more concern with being their childrens friends and they are too scared to discipline them for a fear of going to jail. Im 26 now and when I was younger and I got upset my parents told me dont you dare think of closing the door this is my house and as long as you live here you abide by my rules. I definitely got spanked and I turned out fine. Sometimes I see parents out in public, rationalizing and catering to unruly kids, and telling them over and over please sit here with mommy, come here, please stop touching, please come. I dont have the energy to repeat myself a hundred times. I know that a kid will be a kid and you dont spank for everything. But my daughter and even my two year old knows that If I said it more than twice and they are deliberately being defiant then there is a chance there will be a spanking. I just think more parents should take control. But one thing that really aggravates when I hear it is when parents say that they wont search a childs room or bags etc, becuase it invades their privacy. I feel that if some parents did do those things from time to time these kids wouldnt be so out of control and carrying weapons to school, and hiding things in closets and drawers. So if my kids ever got to point where they wanted to call the police, I would tell them like mine told me, "dont worry you dont have to call them, I will take you to the police station personally" :)
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Yesterday I was at the laundry and there were mothers in there that were allowing their small children to run around unattended. I dont play that! I will say something. So anyway the kids are running around and they come by me and all the laundry that I had spent hours folding is getting ready to fall. I said to the child go see your mommy. Then I went to the mother who immediately decided that now she cant understand english. Lucky for her I speak spanish. I simply let her know I asked her nicely to have them play on the other side. If my laundry falls, she WILL fold it. Im sorry I am not going to let someone elses kids let alone mine run all over me. I think your parents were great! The fact that they would give you a ride to police station is effective. lol Happy MyLotting. dl
• United States
2 Feb 10
Sometimes a firm hand is what is needed. Simply said, the new age views on parenting are a load of crap.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
2 Feb 10
REally wasnt the schools that started this it was the WElfare people some old prune that didnt have kids I think decided ya cant spank you kid. What happened to spare the rod spoil the child!. \ and open hand on the butt works wonders. They set it up that kids could call and report a parent for a spanking and alot of them lie about it. Now if they get took away from parent and put in foster home they find they also have rules to go by and can also get into more abuse than they ever had with reall parents. and what about when the kids hit the parent where is the help for them there is none.!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Actually if a kid hits a parent, I think you CAN do something - if you get beaten definitely. If you have a kid still living at home who is 18 or older, you can just call the police. Fortunately my kids know that and they know if they were ever to do such a thing, I'd let them sit in jail lol. I'm not saying this would happen, but I've made it pretty clear that after 18, even if they are still dependent on us, they are SOLELY responsible for their actions, especially if they are wrong. My time to protect them is over, and I would only be willing if it were a misunderstanding.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
2 Feb 10
It sure has. When I was a youngster, if anyone misbehaved the teacher disciplined him, and if it was serious, gave the child a paddling. Then when the child went home, the parents either spanked him or grounded him, that is, kept him from going someplace he wanted to go like to a party, etc. The only time the social services was called in was for abuse. Now it is different. The child can now report the parents. It also has become )started in the 70s and possibly sooner, when I had to help take care of handicapped children, you could not even give a child a slap on the wrist if he touched something wrong. Oh I never spanked my children nor did my parents spank me unless it was something very serious, so for the government and social workers out there, most parents do know the difference and what a spanking is for.
• United States
3 Feb 10
oh no,you can't spank their royal butts.can't even yell at them. the family behind me was utterly destroyed by a speed dialing neighbor. they were constantly calling the cops about the child yelling-the kid had some kind of illness,and he wasn't being harmed that was just what he did. i even told CPS myself the kid was fine and that neighbor was just a pain in the *ss. but that goes to show how easy it is nowadays to accuse,imagine if the kid had ever been spanked for something!
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
2 Feb 10
Hi dloveli, Oh yes they have without a doubt gone to far. I agree that more needed to be done to stop the abuse but like you said, the way they have gone about it, it makes the kids feel that they can do just about everything and anything and get away with it. I'll tell you what, I did not spank my kids as a form of discipline as a rule anyway and it had nothing to do with fear of authorities. I just handled their issues differently. I had 4 kids and only one was just impossible as a teen. She was 16 when I spanked her for the first time. She was running her mouth and had been getting into trouble I'd had enough. I just flipped her over onto her bed and spanked her butt. Oddly she held her head. She did threaten to call the cops on me. I told her to go straight ahead. I asked her if she really thought I was at that moment going to be overly sad if they took her out of the home. Of course I would have but she wasn't so sure about that. She did a year later call the cops on me because I irritated her by waking her up to go find a job. She had dropped out from school and that was our deal. I was not supporting a kid to sit around or lay around the house. I didn't know she had called until they showed up. They were not too easy on her once they realized the situation. They actually told her that the laws are different when dealing with a defiant teen than a helpless little kid.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
4 Feb 10
some of the stuff i hear these days is unreal. i was spank when i was younger and i did spank my kids well they were growing up as well. and my son made that mistake in hitting me once, just once. i back handed him he went flying from our living room to the back of the house until he hitted the back door. he never tried that again. but when they started to talk about how we're not suppose spank our kids, and my two tried to use that with me, i told them get in the car taking to the police station and sign your butts over to the state then until you are 21. awhole different story then. then once for some reason the cops were at our house and they told the kids if there is a reason and its good enough i can spank them its a law call corpal punishment, as long i did leave marks on them. yeah new attuide from my two kids. but i think the schools do to teach the kids there is a different in spanking for doing wrong and abuse. and if you do wrong then its not abuse. but i came up with different ways to punish my kids, standing against the wall holding books, if they drop one or complain another book and more time.
@sassy28 (834)
• United States
2 Feb 10
I have told my 10 year old on several occassions to call. Also, explained that he could be living in a house full of people that only cared about the money the goverment gives them. That there would be no nintendo ds, dvd's, all his favorite toys, going out to dinner, no visits to grandma's house. He has argued that he could take them with him, no sir, I paid for it all, it stays with me. The only thing you take, is the clothes on your back, that is only so he does not leave the house naked. After explaining it isn't better else where, he calms down, and agrees life is pretty good at our house.