do you think im just freaking out?

United States
February 5, 2010 8:00am CST
Okay so I am suppose to be getting married to my fiance in two months. I love him very much but... hes done some stupid stuff lately. I got sick with a kidney stone one night and he acted like he didn't want to take me to the hospital, he didn't come in till like and hour later and on the way there he stopped by a gas station to get a a black and mild. Then like a week later I needed to go to the docter because the kidney stone had caused me to have a uti. He didn't come with me at all that time. I think we are definitely going to push the date of the wedding back because we dont have the time to get it all together and Im feeling rushed and hes been driving me crazy about it. we've talked about everything and hes sorry about it all but it has really hurt my feeling. Am I just freaking out or am I right that he really shouldn't have done that too me for any reason?
4 people like this
10 responses
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Hi Ambitiouslyleiah, Well, I can understand why you would feel hurt. He did not seem concerned about your well-being. It's good that you were able to talk to him about your feelings with him. I also think that you sound really stressed about your wedding and getting everything ready on time. Between that and being sick, it could be that you are being more sensitive than you normally would be.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164237)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Feb 10
sid he did not act like a man who is deeply in love, why my husband even before we married was very concerned for me just over bronchitis and was there with me in the hospital, he put my welfare over his own, as people in real love do. no she needs to reconsider now while she has time, after the wedding its too late If he was that unconcerned before , what will he be like after the wedding? He is not going to suddenly change his stripes, no run from this one.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Actually, Hatley makes some good points. And it is true that you can't expect him to grow more caring and concerned after the wedding.
• United States
7 Feb 10
Thanks you guys! I really appreciate your feedback, even though it hurts.
@pandaeyes (2068)
5 Feb 10
I think you need to have a longer engagement. You are discovering things about his character that are disappointing and that is only now when the wedding date is approaching. I am sure there are people out there who like me ,discovered character traits in their partner that were kept suppressed during their engagement but were carelessly revealed as every day occurrences, once the wedding was a done deal. Don't want to put you off but if you are not sure, you need longer to decide and I agree you need him to know why .
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164237)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Feb 10
hi it isnt just that he wasnt being a man, a person who really loves his girl would at once be very worried, really concerned. to me he seems a tad stuck on himself and his wants, real true love thinks of the loved one first and reacts a lot differently than your fiance did. what he did was selfish and really uncaring. if he is this way now, he will more like that after you are married. so postpone,delay or put it off, you being crazy in love with him doesnt necessarily mean he is that way with you, and why settle for someone who is sort of indifferent when you were in severe pain. he will leave you to suffer I imagine if you got pregnant. no I think you need to use common sense and not your emotions here, this man is insensitive.
@maria1081 (1252)
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
I think your reactions are just normal. Your boyfriend's behavoir is not normal though. If someone is in pain, her/his companion should take her/him in the hospital no matter what the relationship of the two person be, that is the normal reaction should be. Why did he care less and showed less concern if he cares about you that much? Sometimes when we love a person that much we are blinded with their short comings. If you can tolerate his attitude then you can go and marry him. But if the way he treats you make you sad and give you pain then you need to think twice and reflect on your relationship.
• United States
7 Feb 10
He cried when i told him how upset it made me and he apologized over and over again. He asked me if I was leaving and when i didn't say anything he started crying and telling me "please don't leave." I just don't know.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Hi, Ambitiouslyleiah. Well, in a way you are not freaking out that much. You fiance needs to show you more concern than he does. You need to see that he caress and loves you. You need to feel that. I can understand that you want a man that treats you like his queen. Have a talk to him about the things that he is doing and how it is making you feel. If he continues to act like he does not care, then give him the boot. But you must decide when enough is enough. I hope that he acts like the man that you need him to be very soon before you both actually tie the knot.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
5 Feb 10
I am sorry, I misspelled cares...
• United States
5 Feb 10
thanks, I agree. Im not going to tie the knot just yet... hes got some text to go through first, because I need him to show that he cares even if I know he does... he still has to show it.
@jesssp (2739)
• Canada
5 Feb 10
If you are having any doubts about getting married then don't. I really don't think you're freaking out at all, what he did was very thoughtless and it hurt your feelings. When something like that happens it really opens your eyes and makes you wonder how you're going to be treated for the rest of your life. If you don't like what you're seeing now then you shouldn't commit to it for the rest of your life. Push your date back, work some things out together and then when you're ready you will know.
• United States
7 Feb 10
good advise, thank you!
@DOLLYBABY (2534)
• United States
5 Feb 10
i guess this is the same type of behavior and problem your gonna have to put up in your marriage....i personally don't think your freaking out...you are just seeing things the way they are...or the way they are going/heading...i don't blame you that your gonna push the wedding day backwards...i would had done the same thing too...just to really analyse things with him...just to justify yourself he you really wanna be with him and if he's gonna have this same mentally in your marriage.you know for a couple soon to be newly wed shouldn't be going through all of that..he also she have dealt with the situation better.. acting more caring and supportive towards you.
• United States
5 Feb 10
I didn't think I was freaking out too bad. And you are right... a couple that is soon to be married shouldn't be going through this. I guess I have too.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 10
Freaking out, maybe a little but you probably needed to freak out on him. He needs to understand that you needed him there for you and he was slacking in his responsibility. If he has apologized and you can accept it then it is time to move on and start worrying about the wedding. If you don't have the date and time set in stone due to churches, invitations, etc then move it around so that you can both work on getting the planning done.
• United States
5 Feb 10
Im definitely going to do that. nothing is set in stone and well, its really not a good enough time for a busy family to plan a wedding anyways.
@hannas (1)
• Nigeria
5 Feb 10
no
@olepmis (843)
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Your fiance does not care for you. He is not the right person for you. Think again if you are already married, he will do it again.
@Hatley (164237)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Feb 10
ambitiouslyleiah yes I think you should delay the marriage, and maybe rethink the whole thing because if he is this callous before the marriage with you horribly in pain with a kidny stone, thats just the top degree of pain, he waits and stops for a black and mild whatever that is, then hes just not all that much in love with you. a man who is in real love would be really worried sick about you. why if this had happened to me before I got married the man I married would have been with me and stayed with me while we got me medical help. no I think you may love this fellow a lot more than he does you. if he could stop to get that whatever, then his love is not very strong. So he is sorry now, I get the feeling that he doesnt want to get married at all. From my standpoint you need a man who really does love you first,not himself, and would be worried sick if you got really ill. I compare what my hubby would have done, and no your man is sort of lukewarm there. maybe he just is not ready for marriage or mayhbe his love is not as deep as yours. I would postpone the wedding for a long time, maybe forever. I have a feeling the guy is having second thoughts.