When To Stop Listening To Your Mother!
By Leca
@lecanis (16647)
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
February 7, 2010 1:56pm CST
A few weeks ago, my mother promised that she was going to loan me a car to use for a while, since I really need one to get around in the town I'm living in. (There are very few sidewalks, and it's impossible to cross the main streets, so walking is a big problem.)
This was all very nice of her, and I was surprised and appreciative and excited.
Now, however, she has repeatedly promised to bring me this car, and not done so. The first time there was snow, so that's understandable and I don't really blame her for it. But after that she's had several chances to bring me the car, she's said "I'll be there today for sure!" and she still hasn't shown up.
And once again, I realize that I've fallen into the trap. Every few years, my mother decides that she's going to be 'reliable' and 'a parent' and every single time I go along with her and expect things from her, and every single time, she goes right back to being my dope-smoking, guy-hopping, crazy mother.
I feel stupid. I mean, honestly, this woman didn't truly raise me. I often lived with other relatives, and when I did live with her, I wound up in bad situations, dealt with abuse, and often wound up suddenly out of a place to live. So why do I keep expecting better?????
3 people like this
11 responses
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Feb 10
Don't you dare feel stupid! You are just a good hearted person and you wanted to give her a chance to help.Don't you dare blame yourself for this Bullsh!t! this should be the last , I mean the very last time you listen to her! You are nicer than I.After the first time she pulled thgis stunt I would have never talked to her ever again. you are a better person and g-d knows a better parent than I or She! So just let all her drama go and get on with having fun with your new beau and little man Dustin.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Feb 10
Thank you! *hugs*
The thing is, I really do need the car. I can't walk in Clarksville -- it's pretty much impossible -- and I don't have money to get a car. I can't make my new boyfriend drive me around ALL THE TIME, and I really need to be able to get Dustin to doctor's appointments and stuff.
So I had been trying to be positive about her offer of a car and have been planning things around getting it as if she were really going to do it. Which leaves me at a loss of what to do now, trying to plan things without it. I'm sort of wishing I hadn't told my boyfriend that I was going to be getting a car; he's not going to like me going "Um, actually, I need you to do all those errands for me after all..." It's not really a way to treat a new relationship either.
You're right though... I really do need to stop planning around her plans or counting on her. Obviously it's not going to change.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Feb 10
Suggestion. Can your new beau drive you to where the car is? That way you can pick up the car?
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Feb 10
Just read your other comment. Does your aunt drive? Can she drive the car over?
2 people like this
@raydene (9871)
• United States
8 Feb 10
Hi Sweet
Expect nothing..
You won't be disappointed...
when you get nothing..
and you will be so happy to
find gravy on the potatoes
when you didn't think you had any.
You are a grown up now...
Try to be the person you wish she was
and remember everyone has issues so
bigger then others.
xoxoxoxo
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
8 Feb 10
It is sad that you cannot depend on your mother. I am sorry she is not dependable and it was cruel of her to offer something you really need and not coming through. Don't let it get you down.
1 person likes this
@smukherjee_on_line (578)
• India
8 Feb 10
According to if you want to get shine in your life then please never stop listening your mom's word. It is just like a magic. May be you are thinking that I am saying it emotionally. But I am too much practical. That's why I am saying like that.....
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (57975)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
8 Feb 10
I would just have doubted her and said "thanks, but no thanks." I've been getting along okay enough for now, so I'll continue to. I think your mother needs help, but she has to realize this. I'm sorry your relationship with your mother isn't idel, but I still hope something changes.
1 person likes this
@vjenkins86 (1478)
• United States
8 Feb 10
I don't think there's really a time when you don't stop hoping that the person you really want to be there for you does come through with their promises. My suggestion would be, keep hoping that she will fulfill her promise but also look at other ways to get what you want. It might be a sad reality that your mom will disappoint in the future again which is hard. However, if you are brave enough to keep your heart open, your continued hoping for her to fulfill her promises might come to fruition in the future, you never know. But you also have to take care of yourself, so you might have to have a plan B or C in the back of your mind. Good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
18 Feb 10
Because you are you. You would do right by your Mum or anyone else in the same situation so when someone says something like this...you simply believe them. You are obviously a good daughter and a good Mum so you expect the same from your own Mum because that's the right thing to do.
I think it's also the child within us who gives a recalcitrant parent chance after chance because we need their love and for them to treat us right. I'm sure someone els could put it much more succinctly than I. You're not stupid...there is just a little girl inside you desperately wanting her mother to love her.
@john_ronald (383)
• Hong Kong
8 Feb 10
all of us listen to what our parents told us, but when we are already old enough to do our own life, with our independent kind we stop listening to our mothers and start to have a family to live with and keep them as long as we keep breathing.
1 person likes this
@dilipmiester (932)
• India
8 Feb 10
i dont think that there would be no time when i dont listen to my mom . she always gives a good idea abd advice since she always cares for me . there will no age limit when you should start stopping hearing the advice from your mom . she a better experience than you and hence gives the right things and tips most of the time . so i think we should always listen to them and then decide if its good for us ..
@floridia (296)
• Algeria
7 Feb 10
i think you should better take care of your mother instead of blaming her.
you are man now and you should return the reward for her, who carried you for 9 months and she was all happy to born u?
and you come this day to say all of this about her on public.
go and ask for her situation, offer her help maybe she is having tough times.
i will never forgive myself if i hurted the feelings of my mother.
i am not worthy to judge the actions of my mother.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
7 Feb 10
Thanks for your opinion!
I really don't agree that we can't judge the actions of our parents, no matter what. I haven't said anything untrue about my mother, at all, and so I have no shame saying these things in public.
I can't go ask her the situation, because she doesn't answer her phone and I have no way to get to where she lives without a car. I live alone with a chronically ill toddler; we can't exactly take a bus or something there with my son's illness. But I have spoken to my aunt just last night: I called to make sure nothing bad had happened, and she said that no, most likely it was just my mother being herself and being unreliable, and likely she had gotten stoned and forgotten.
1 person likes this
