When someone puts the blame on you how would you react?
By abitcurious
@abitcurious (1422)
Philippines
February 7, 2010 4:54pm CST
The project I was working on was not submitted on its deadline. It was a team project and I was handling it. It was a writing project and everyone had a share of a thousand words each. One of team mates couldn't deliver because 'she was not in the mood' to write. Anyway, in the end we did not meet the deadline.
When the professor asked why we failed to finish the project on time, I told him that our team had some issues that we had to work on but we ultimately finished so I couldn't explain more.
The next day the professor approached me and told me that a team mate of mine seems to think that I really did not give 'her' enough room for her ideas to be put on the project.
And I thought what? There wasn't an idea coming from her at all. But I didn't tell that to my professor out of respect for my other team mates. It was not fair and I won't let me be defensive about the thing.
Sigh. That really bugs me about people. Why can't they just admit that they were the one that was not giving it their best? Why do they have to blame other people about their incapability to do the job?
2 people like this
18 responses
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
hi abitcurious! There are some people like that really. Tend to point fingers and make some alibis just to save themselves from sinking. Maybe your professor asked your team mate first, when noticed that your team mate doesn't have much contribution to your project... then she or he came up with that excuse to save himself/ herself...
I know how irritable was that, but as far as your conscience is clean and you know the real story... don't mind much. You are such a nice person. Imagine after all the headache which your team mate gave you, you still managed to calm yourself and keep quiet to show respect and not to offend her/him in front of others. And to think she or he was the cause of delay as well...
However, I suggest that you tell your proffessor about your side. It is not fair... after all the hard work, that one member of your team would make you look like the bad guy... It is enough that you did not humiliate your team mate... but you must air your side.
@lovelyn_medrano (3070)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
wow that is great abitcurious! Well, professors usually do that. They don't listen to just one person. They are not one sided, they also investigate. You deserve that. I know your team mates know how much hard work you put to your project.
Well as a team, you are accountable with each other, that is why you still have the deduction for that "late submission". But the good thing is your name is cleared without you saying or defending yourself... The truth prevails. 
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
After I read the discussions yesterday I did. It turns out my professor had an inkling on what was happening (my other team mates were asked as well). We're still getting the deductions for being late but the thing about the girl's complaint was cleared out...
I was touched by my other team mates defending me.
@thuhuong (823)
• United States
8 Feb 10
Someone's always going to be the one blame if there's a problem. Most likely it was easier to pinpoint you as they know that you won't say anything. However, I know that when teams cannot work together it's a matter of speaking up and because no one did, well the bad news spreads. I think to make it clear you can stand up for yourself instead of letting the bitterness seep in. I'm sure that if I'm blamed for something I will make a deal of it that it doesn't happen again. But that's how life goes ironically. If it happened once, it'll happen again until something is done about it.
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
there is gonna be something worse in the future right? I'll learn from this, sure but life continues on getting complicated. I don't want to grow up yet!
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
8 Feb 10
For some, excuses are all they can come up with. It will always be someone else who is at fault. Just take comfort in the fact that this person probably won't get very far in life.
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
well I wouldn't go that far yet. We're both young and maybe we could still help each other improve our habits. Now if only we can be friends and be able to give and receive criticism without all the drama
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Feb 10
I wouldn't have said anything to the professor about her during the first conversation, but in the second one? If somebody was pointing fingers when the fault was theirs, I would have no problem telling the Prof. the real story!
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
thanks dawn. This time I have my other team mates to thank but next time I'd know what to do.
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
8 Feb 10
Hello,
Im sorry it happened to you. Well people act this way because it makes them look good and you look bad. Ive had to deal with this same situation and I would usually tell it like it is. If they believe me, fine, if they believe me, well their loss. I cant stand dishonesty. I sure hope this wont be to your disadvantage.
1 person likes this
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
10 Feb 10
Dont feel bad, we all go through this at one time or another. Just learn from it and remember the lesson. No harm done. this is how we learn about life.
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
10 Feb 10
I hope that, too. But skimming through a lot of mylotters suggestions, it seems I've made myself a victim of my own mistakes. I should have stood for myself and not enforced an emerging habit.
1 person likes this
@pepedog (28)
• Hong Kong
8 Feb 10
i think you should tell to your professor about the real situation, that is what you really need to do if someone blame you without suitable reason. those guys always finding excuses for themselves are annoying.
but some replies above are right, you still have reponsiblity to manage your team well.
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
yeah, i admit I do have responsibility. if there's a next time at least I would know to handle a team--unless there's a new problem I'm not familiar with again. Ugh.
@hora_fugit (5862)
• India
8 Feb 10
I think I would feel bitter enough already for not meeting the deadline. ANd if someones blames me like that, never expect me to 'take it easy'. Maybe nothing in front of the professor, but personally I will remind her that we can't write in project "This area is reserved for so and so's nonexistent ideas". I haven't put it in appropriate manner but that's what I feel. Usually I don't get such teammates but those who like to put the load on me and later call it their own efforts. 
P.S. If I am open to professor, I will tell him what happened. Sometimes they handle the issue more wisely than a heated me.
P.S. If I am open to professor, I will tell him what happened. Sometimes they handle the issue more wisely than a heated me.@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
10 Feb 10
I guess you're right. He might have heard all known excuses already and this one's not really that original. I'll try to reason out with him. I'd even agree to face to face confrontation if that makes it fair to everyone else.
@crazycory22 (21)
• United States
7 Feb 10
I don't like when someone puts the blame on me when I didn't do something. I'll accept blame when I'm the one that actually did that thing that happened. I usually get upset when someone tries to place the blame on me, when I'm not the one that did anything.
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
I know, get upset too. When I'm really ticked off, I really want to confront the person. But when I'm just tired of it like right now, all I can do is sigh.
@icesmile (7160)
• Romania
8 Feb 10
Just ignore, in my opinion this is a way to let him to know that he are not right;
To go to argue with somebody who are not fair, mean that you will be like him; just ignoring, you will show this people that they have a problem, and step by step i will prove that i don t was guilty; you know, all in this world is like a circle, today you blame me for nothing, tomorrow 100 people will blame you, is like a compensation in life; just ignore.
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
10 Feb 10
Yeah, that was what I wanted to do. Just ignore her and not give her the complete satisfaction of me being affected by her (but I am so she already has that anyway).
@lienarak (28)
• Thailand
8 Feb 10
Well, initially I get upset but after few seconds, I just shrug the thought off! Being a leader, I'm used to being blamed on... in anything, from the big ones to the most trivial ones. People are like that, they scrutinize every single detail of an activity per se, ring the bell and voila...you get all the blame! But you know what, I pity this kind of people. They have high expectations on everyone to do everything perfectly. But hey, look who's talking? Shame on them...
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
10 Feb 10
My friends tell me I hate confrontations too much that I forget how it is to be right sometimes. I always end up saying sorry just so things are good between us. But that's with my friends, people I've known, had spats with, and had fun with for a long time.
I think this time I might be not so tolerant at all.
@kaylachan (57646)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
7 Feb 10
For me it depends on the situation. Normally things don't go that far and I know right away someone else tried to blame me for their problems. If its george my partner, I'll usually get into an argument with him over it. Or, completely ignore him. (most often he's been drinking when those situations occour) so its quite pointless trying to defend myself in that case.
But, I sometimes will take the blame if I feel defending myself would get me no where. So its just a game of 'what if'.
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
7 Feb 10
Yes but don't you get annoyed specially if it's a question about your abilities? When it's pointless I don't even make myself worry about it. People judge you by your actions and not by what you say you can do. So I'm counting on that.
@AjaySinghBaghel (5506)
• India
8 Feb 10
I would prefer to be at receiving end of the blame game if I have done nothing wrong but If its my mistake and I am the one responsible for the scenario, definitely I will accept my fault and will be ready for the consequences.
In a team there are many peoples who has to work together to get the job done and if everyone is not putting proper efforts, definitely there will be blame game that xyz did not accomplish his/her job.
I would suggest to be honest and accept the mistake if I have done, In either case where I am not responsible for anything - definitely I would give a solid response with the all strength.
Admitting mistake is not a bad thing, we should accept it with pleasure and try to overcome from that in future.
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
In theory, working with a team is much harder because there are different personalities and there will always be a clash of opinions (or in my case work habits. In practice it's much more complicated than that though. You also have to deal with each others idiosyncrasies. And in my age that is quite a big thing to deal with. Thanks for the advice.
@Nirishasol (879)
• India
8 Feb 10
Well if somebody blame on me without any mistake he/she scold me i definitely gonna react with that person. I'll react with them but not by biting him or hitting with the weapons. I will talk normally and i will say never ever blame a person with out any mistake.
1 person likes this
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
10 Feb 10
Well that would be scary if you bit them. But I'd make sure I'm on your side if that happens.
Kidding aside, if I was given a chance to defend myself and she did not go behind my back then I would really reason out.
Kidding aside, if I was given a chance to defend myself and she did not go behind my back then I would really reason out. @soundarya91 (45)
• India
8 Feb 10
really i wud react bad to dem as i din do ny mistakes nd f thy blame me fa te thin wich i ve not don ll turn off dem nd ll trash out dem
@cintoy (1011)
• Indonesia
8 Feb 10
They are just finding the excuses so they won't be blamed. If there are someone in my group project team member that do that and the professor asked me the same as yours, then i would tell the professor directly about the real situation. This kind of person is so annoying. Not contributing any thing to the project, getting the scores for free, and accusing others.
It's better that i did the project without her.
(just my suggestion though.)
happy mylotting
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
10 Feb 10
I admit I thought I was helping, but after thinking it over, I might be enforcing an emerging habit after all.
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
I just found it unprofessional that she approached the professor behind my back when we submitted it without omitting her name in the report. I guess she was trying to cover for herself, and though she wasn't named.
@zhouzhou200004 (27)
• China
8 Feb 10
Abitcurious, in my opinion,if you handle a team, you have the responsibility to ensure every members of your team work smoothly. You may take care and predict the unexpected risk in your team, then take preventive action to make sure one person shall not ruin all the team. So your being blamed may result from your responsible omission. So don't be angry and feel unfair about it,sometimes you can learn from blam,and this can make you do better on management!
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
It takes time to learn that you if you're hard on yourself, you have to be hard on others too. I guess I'm just learning how to cope with team efforts. Thanks for the advice.
@thunderbala (748)
• India
8 Feb 10
hi.. i simply hate ppl who bug other's for their incapability..
i think its totally disgusting when someone stabs you at the back...
@setsuna26 (2751)
• Philippines
26 Mar 10
I really dont like it when people tend to blame others when something went wrong. I mean one thing that you blame someone but i think all of us should be thinking first on how to correct whatever it is thats wronged before we use our time blaming others.
Now if someone blames me for somethin and it so happen that its not my fault i will try and explain my piece of the story , now if for some reason they dont believe me then too bad i cant do anything bout it . But again if im really at fault then i will just take responsibility of what happened ;)
@abitcurious (1422)
• Philippines
26 Mar 10
I'm glad you're a very responsible person. some people just love it when they get away with almost anything.
