Do the parents push their daughters or sons to be married in your country?

China
February 8, 2010 12:48am CST
Here, in China, the parents will keep ask their children to be married when they more than 26 years old, the parents take this as their own responsibility. Most parents take this as the thing "should be", you can't argue with them. Some younger people don't want to be married or married early, they will afford the pressue from their parents, relatives or friends. It's like a custom, if you are not married at the specifically age, people think you must got some problem. Or else, why you don't married. I don't like this part of custom. How about this in your country? Will the parents push you into marriage?
2 people like this
32 responses
• United States
9 Feb 10
Well in my country you have to married before 30, especially if you are female, my parents keep pushing me all the time to marry as soon as possible, but I think there is a lot to accomplish first, if you get too desperate to get married then bad things can happen, you can end up choosing the worst couple for you, suffering domestic violence or facing divorce because you didn't think a little bit better about your options. My parents also think that there is something wrong with me because I don't act like I am in a hurry to marry my boyfriend, but I think we should all take our time.
1 person likes this
@Galena (9123)
9 Feb 10
what a stupid law. people should never use their age as the reason to marry. if you've not married by 30 that doesn't mean you'll never want to be married.
• China
10 Feb 10
Yes, we should all take our time. When the right time is coming, we'll married, just not now.
@phoenix8606 (4977)
8 Feb 10
hi! and welcome to the site! I think it depends on the parents, but maybe the most of them really push their children to get married in their own country, because they love them and want to be near their children! it is normal what they are doing and I understand them!
1 person likes this
• China
10 Feb 10
I can understand them too, but I don't want do everything they asked, I'm not marry or get a baby for them, it's my life, I should run it my own.
@varron (453)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
Here in the Philippines we are usually allowed to select to whom we want to be married. The reason is that we are the one who will going to be married and not our parents. We are the one that will suffer the consequences if the marriage will going to be failed. One of the strongest point is "love". We value love so much as a basis for marriage. There are elite groups of people who practiced arrange married. Usually these peoples are the Chinese who in their culture arrange that thing.Another group of people are some of the people who believe in Islam. Some Muslims if I'm not mistaken also practiced arrange married as part of their culture.
• Indonesia
8 Feb 10
It does happen too here, in my country. I live in Indonesia. And i experience that in my family. My parents always ask me when i'm gonna be married. Sometimes, parents here only listen what people say, and never listen to their children. So i tell to my parents that I want marry once in a lifetime with the right person. So i dont want to get rush in getting married. I want to find the right person before i decide to marry. And now they can understand me.
1 person likes this
@aerous (13465)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
Here in our country parents respect their children choices in what they want to be in their life. Married here is really a big responsibility and parents don't ask their children to so if their children have no plan to get married there's a time for that matter and not taken in rush decision...
• China
10 Feb 10
That's great the parents take the wisdom way. Which country are you living in?
@aerous (13465)
• Philippines
11 Feb 10
A proud Filipino, my friend...Have a nice day!!!
@tcup345 (360)
• United States
9 Feb 10
This is an example of why I like this site. All nations can meet here and I enjoy learning about cultures and customs of different countries. In the US there is no pressure to get married. My daughters have both been married once, neither marriage worked out, their husbands couldn't be faithful. Now both girls are living with their boyfriends. My eldest daughter lived with her boyfriend for nine years, they were about to be married and she discovered that he was an idiot and overly possessive with her, so she left. We could have told her that he was a jerk when we first met him but she wouldn't have listened. She is currently living with a man who's ego is bigger than a room. All he thinks about is himself and evey angle from which he looks at matters apply to himself. No one or no thing is more important than himself. Hopefully she'll figure him out someday soon. My younger daughter is living with a man who is wonderful in every way, he is good to her and great with her children. His problem is that he can't stay out of jail, it's dumb little things. He drives without a drivers license, he breaks probation, he's been in jail three times in the past 5 years, he's there now. He also hasn't held down a steady job in all that time. Sooner or later she'll dump him. I'd rather my daughters not marry anyone as their picks have been so awful.
• China
10 Feb 10
The most important thing is your daughters feel the happiness. I'm living with my boyfriend now and we are happy, just not married. Wish you all got the happy life.
@tcup345 (360)
• United States
10 Feb 10
Thank you, I wish you well also.
• Malaysia
8 Feb 10
In Malaysia, it's quite normal for parents to rush their children to get married. Actually I don't think this is based on geographical reasons. Every parents wish their daughter to get married earlier so that it will not be dangerous to conceive their own child.
• China
8 Feb 10
That's a reason. Actually, the parents rush the children get married, then they will rush the children to having the baby.
• Malaysia
8 Feb 10
Haha yes! The main reason is because they want a grandchildren to play with.
• India
8 Feb 10
Here In Darjeeling is not like that and we can married with our choices only. There is no any such kinda of custom and i don't even like also this kind of stuff?
• China
8 Feb 10
When you are 30 years old, your parent still say nothing about it?
• China
8 Feb 10
Is that so, Miss Nirishanol? Actually, an Indian friend(a boy) has told me Indian girls get married at a age as early as 18!!! and boys at 23 ot 24.Of course some may be late due their work or schooling. My friends himself have been pushed by his mother now and then. He is rather distressed about this as he used to saying " Marriage? Shackle!!!"
• United States
10 Feb 10
More and more in the USA, children are opting to wait before rushing into marriage and that's a good thing up to a point. Child disability problems seem to start at age thirty, so marrying a bit younger is probably a good idea. But, if you haven't met someone with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life, there is no reason to marry someone you only like, hoping you will love him/her later. I did not rush my son and he found a fabulous woman with whom he is thrilled and she with him. They have been married ten years and see only happiness ahead. Pushing children into marriage is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.
• China
11 Feb 10
That's true, parents should learn to widen their minds. Thanks for your response.
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
its almost exactly opposite here on our country, philippines. parents would wish that their kids wont marry that early to be able to help them somehow especially with the financial things. that's why you would see most parents cry so hard during wedding ceremonies especially if their son/daughter is still young. ages like 28 years old here sometimes considered young especially when not established yet with their life. although fix marriagees still happen here in our country especially with the chinese-filipino citizen but not quite anymore.good post onepublic
• China
10 Feb 10
So glad sharing different custom with you guys.
@humairaku (2039)
• Indonesia
8 Feb 10
just like in your country, buddy, in my place, parents often push their children to get married after they are mature enough (when their children are about 25 and up). even some parents will do anything to make their children get married soon cos they will be very embarrassing when their children don't get married soon therefor their age is old enough to get married, especially for a girl.
• China
10 Feb 10
Hey, which country are you living? It's pretty similar.
@daliaj (5686)
• India
8 Feb 10
Sometimes parent force their children to get married if they attain the marriage age. According to my custom, it is the responsibility of the parents to find life partners for their children. So, if the kids won't get married after an age, it is a bad mark to the parents and others think that the parents are not exercising their responsibilities properly. The compellsion is more if it is a girl.
• China
10 Feb 10
Yeah, the parents get the pressure from other people, then they deliver the pressure to children...
@Galena (9123)
8 Feb 10
nobody should have any right to pressure another into marriage. it doesn't matter if you're not married by thirty, forty, fifty. even if you never get married. marriage is a huge commitment, and an expression of the bond of love between that couple. you should do it because you love each other and want to be married, not because you're a certain age and the person you've found "will do"
• China
10 Feb 10
I agree with you. Thanks.
@atv818 (1988)
• United Arab Emirates
8 Feb 10
Since my ancestors were from China (both father and mother), I had heard of fixed-marriage. My grandparents were one of them. I'm lucky enough to have chosen the one I love for me to marry. Just imagine marrying the one you don't know. I guess the pride and respect were the factors that kept my grandparents' marriage
• China
8 Feb 10
There must be some misunderstaing, you don't need marry someone you don't love, they ask you marry with someone, you can choose the one you loved, they will not point someone for you. What you said about your grand-parents, that's the old custom in China.
@calai618 (1779)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
Thanks for sharing that. I didnt know about that. It's really nice to learn new things everyday. Now regarding your question, I dont really think parent in my country, Philippines, are anything like that. Especially in this modern times, a lot of parents would rather have their children focus on career than having a family. From what I noticed, parents here would only show their being "traditional" when it comes to unwanted/ unexpected pregnancies. Unless the girl is pregnant, a lot of parents wont really force their children to get married. It is still a powerful tradition and belief here that couples should be responsible for their children and the way to show it is to get married.
• China
8 Feb 10
Yes, I think the parents should respect the children, whatever their choosen, career or marriage. When we meet someone right, we'll get married naturally.
@allknowing (81618)
• India
31 Mar 10
First and foremost let me congratulate for the huge responses that you have received though you have just about started here! Now to answer your question. In India parents think it is their responsibility to see their children settled and get quite tense and worried if that does not happen.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
31 Mar 10
Here in the United States there are some people that will push their children to get married, but I would say that this is not the basic rule. There are a lot of parents that much prefer to stay out of their children's business. My mother didn't force either my brother or myself to be married even though we both are now. We also have a little sister that isn't married yet and my mother is not trying to force her to get married.
@thuhuong (828)
• United States
18 Feb 10
Hehehe, my husband was like that. We didn't get married until I turned 30 as after this age, a woman would be considered 'old' and not 'young and child-bearing'. I do think this part of the custom is found a lot in traditional asian families everywhere. Bachelor or bachelorette is considered a big degradation to an older man or woman.
@amaturan (15)
• Philippines
10 Feb 10
in my country, children are not puysh to get married by their parents because they respect the dercisions of their children but some children get marreied very early or at a young age.
@dasj20 (127)
• India
8 Feb 10
hi i think that this is good questions from my side,because this shows the culture of country...... i am from India. here also fallow the same. i think that India and china are side by side countries,so the process according to marriage is same.