a personal story

@novelcai (603)
Philippines
February 8, 2010 12:57pm CST
hi there mylotters. this is a personal story of mine and kinda serious situation. some of my friend here knows that im a single mom. i have a baby boy 1 yr 7 months now. His name is jullianne. my baby stays w/ my mom there in the province because no one will tent to him here in the city because i need to work. and no extra money to pay for a nanny. i must admit that working alone or being a single mom is really a difficult thing. im the only one who supports for all my baby's need. My baby is carrying his father's last name ( how i wish not). I lost contact w/ his father since the baby is 5 months only(when the baby is on the hospital due to ameoba and UTI). I dunno where he is. But if i put some effort i could find ways to know where is that man. This pastfew months its been very hard for me financially, i'm thinking now to have contact w/ his father and ask for a support for the baby but i dont think i can do that for now. just thinking of doing that makes my body shakes. Im mad of this man actually for not having a balls to stand for his responsibility. If I can have some options or I rather say that if i only have enough money i would not let him touch my son when the times come he want to see my baby for what he did. I need your advice on this matter. Thnx my co-mylotters
3 people like this
19 responses
9 Feb 10
I understand how you feel. Im also a single mom, it's just that the father of my son is now giving us financial help. But during those times that I am earning a lot, Im the only one who took the responsibility of all my baby's need. But upon the advice of those people who are close to both of us I ask the father of my son to have his share with all the expenses for the baby. Im so glad that he agreed, and right now he takes care of all the expenses for the baby. I think the only problem with your situation is that if the father really cares about your son, 'cause if he did he surely knows his responsibility. If I am with your situation, I will do these two options: 1. If I feel and I know that he really cares about the baby, then, I would ask him for a financial support. I will set aside for a while the bitterness or the grudges I have for him. 2. If I can sense that he really don't care about his son, then, I don't think forcing him for a financial support would make sense. If this is the case, there would be no other ways but for me to work more harder (get 2 or 3jobs at a time if possible) so I can afford all the expenses for my baby. Goodluck. Always have faith and you will pass through all these.
1 person likes this
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
this what really happened. i already broke up w/ him before i found out that im pregnant. then because of my situation and being so very delicate the time im pregnant we consider being together again and just for the sake of the baby. we are not married. i gave birth through CS operation and the hospitalization bill is not a joke. he gave a little money that seems that i gave birth in a lying-in center only but that never been an issue for me. my money still not enough to pay the bill my friends help me. that time he lost his job. im leave for 75 days from my work and im the only one who find money for the needs of the baby. we have unpaid house rental, electricity, water, phone and many more. plus all the baby's need everyday. then imagine that we lost our electricity because of the unpaid bill? so i need to go to my parents house in the province for the baby. he stayed w/ his sister in the city. the time that i need to come back to work i have no place to stayed because the landlord mad already because they thought that we just left the house. landlord holds all my things. he ask me to stay w/ his sister house. i have no option because i have no money left on my pocket to rent even a bed space. he got a new job that time but ofcourse he need to wait 1st before he get his 1st salary. the 1st 2 days was ok staying w/ sister but after that i heard a lot of comment. AND THEY EVEN TALKED US THAT WE NEED TO PAY RENT AND EVERYTHING AND WE NEED TO GIVE IT ON THE 1ST SALARY OF HIS BROTHER. i dont say anyhing i let them settled that thing. after 2 days i really cant stay on that house anymore because i feel that anything i touch on that house is counted even the water i took. and time to time you will hear her voice saying "life is hard to have another people in the house" thats why in the middle of the night w/ heavy rain i pack all my things and go to my friends house. i cried the whole night but i need to be strong for my baby. i talked to him after two days. i told him that we really cant stay together. i told him that he can visit the baby there in the province and also bring some stuff for his son. i gave birth month of july 2008. the last time he saw the baby is nov. he didnt come back even just to look his son when it was hospitalized month of december, he sent a little amount that time but i never saw him and that was the last time we talked over the phone. i lost contact w/ him he changed his number. and he never try any ways to contact me or to see his son..
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Feb 10
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with things right now. I wish there was some other way but I think you have to track down your ex and take him to court. Your child needs both of his parents involved in raising him. Also I know it's hard but you need to put aside your feelings about him and let him see his child.
1 person likes this
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi there doglady. for sure i can set aside my feelings just for my baby's sake. but is it me the one who need to put an effort to see him and ask him that my son needs his support and a father? he left us the time we needed him most (when the baby was in the hospital) how can be a father left his son in that situation? i know time will come my baby going to ask about hi father. im not ready for that yet. thankz for the comment and happy mylotting ..
@zearah (5341)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
So he did not do his part as a father to your baby? Oh my friend thought he is but don't worry! You already proved to yourself that you can stand alone as a single mother. Just go on whatever you had started by now continue move on.If in the middle somewhere out there, he will voluntarily provide financially or morally to your child in the future then accept it, that's how I can suggest. You may not ask help from him but you can also opt to receive what he will offer to your baby voluntarily. He can hug your son as for your son's comfort. Don't allow a barrier in between. That's how I think of it.Although you can stand alone but never stop him when time he will realize that your baby needs him.
1 person likes this
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi zearah.. yes he did not...im just very thankful that i still have my mom to help me. you really have a kind heart the way you speak on your comment. how i wish that he show his self before my son ask me who/where/what about his father. because i still dont know how to answer that question. specially now he is starting to learn how to talk.
• India
8 Feb 10
Hello Novelcai Here I've a suggestion: Please don't give a damn to that man, who parted his ways when you and your child needed him the most. Your only problem is that you are not that much financially sound that you should be, right??Look!There are so many other job opportunities in this world, and now since your child stays with your mom,you just stop worrying and concentrate on making more money, just for him. And please don't get back to that man for any kinda help. Wish You & Your Child A Good LUCK!!!
1 person likes this
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi there prnyroy. is it true that you are only 19 years old? you speak like an old person. yeah your right my only problem for now is all about financial. my baby stay w/ my mom. i have a full time job but the salary is really not enough, because i have lots of bills to pay here in the city then need to send double money in the province because my mom cant go to work because she is the one who tent to my son. thats why im searching my luck here on net on how to make some extra money here. thanks for your comment and welcome here to mylot community. happy mylotting
@maximax8 (30121)
• United Kingdom
8 Feb 10
I am sorry to hear that in the past few months life has been difficult for you money wise. Some single moms work part time to bring in some money and get some time with the child or children. A few single moms go out to work full time and put their child into a child care setting. I think that being there for your child and having just enough money to get by would be the best life for you. Your ex sounds like an irresponsible man. It is a shame that your son has his surname. Your body shakes when you think of the possibility of contacting your ex. Therefore it could be like opening up a can of worms if you do get back in contact with him. If you get him to give money for child maintenance then he would probably expect child contact. You sound like you hate your ex and it probably wouldn't be in your son's best interests to see his dad. Every dad should be loving and supportive and those that are so nasty don't deserve any child contact. Maybe you could start up your own business. It could be small to begin with. You might be able to make friends with other moms of young children. Then perhaps you could share child care. If you make five friends you could hire a nanny for all of the children. You might be able to study for more qualifications in order to get a well paid job. Good luck and spending lots of time on wonderful My Lot will help you earn money.
1 person likes this
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi there maximax. my baby stay w/ my mom there in the province im able to see my baby 2-3x a month only because sometimes instead using the money for transportation i just send the money there. i have a fulltime work but it doesnt pay good and because i have so much personal loans in the office it seems nothing left on my payslip, im also a freelance make-up artist but not all the time there's someone who need my service. thats why im also trying my luck here online to find some ways how to earn some extra money. about the father of the my son, yeah your right. why i should make contact w/ him just 4 a financial help if he just left us the time that we needed him most (when the baby was in the hospital). im planning to change my baby's name and use mine instead of his father. but i know some story too that when the child is grown enough the father will be just shown up his self and claiming that he is the father. and i still dont know what to answer if my baby ask about his father.
@towongfoo27 (2989)
• United States
8 Feb 10
I can relate to your story novelcai, but the child has a right to know his father, no matter how you currently feel. It would not be fair to the child to take that away. What are you going to do when the child gets older, and asks where is my daddy? Do you want to be the one held accountable for that? These days it often seems the woman has to be the adult first, and put the baby first, instead of her own personal feelings. I know that can be hard to do, and it is frustrating being a single parent, but you shouldn't let your feelings or opinions sway the chance of the child knwing his dad for who or what he really is. The child might end up resenting you later down the line, even if you resent his dad now. A lot of times, young first-time parents just need the time to come around to the fact they have a child, too, so try and give it some time. It may end up working out for the best! Stay positive and happy mylotting!
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi there towongfoo. thank you for your response. i did not anything wrong to make him stop to contact us to visit the baby staying w/ my mom there in the province. and now im struggling hard just to make sure i have something to send in the province for my baby's need. if he want to see his son i dont have any right to stop him ofcourse he is the father. but for what he did just gone w/out saying anything and w/out any reason well i dunno now what would be my reaction if i saw him. well i can be civil just for the sake of my son. im not ready yet for the time he ask about his father coz i still dont know what am i going to answer. thnks for the advice dear. happy mylotting
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
Oh my.. That's very hard.There are a lot of single moms whose going through difficult times. Having no partner who could live with you through thick and thin it's really hard. ALL i could advise you take a while STOP. Think about all the things you want and what you're planning to do with you're life.Maybe you could think of something.Seek God for help. He knows the way..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
Hmmmmm. Well, it's really a hard situation. It seems like the dad doesn't really want to be a part of the kid's life because he does not even exert some effort on helping you with the expenses.. I don't think asking him for help would do any good, because if he wants to help then he would do it himself without you asking him too.. I wish I could offer some help, but I really don't have any idea how... I hope you and your son would be better off in time.. And I know it will happen. The same thing happened to my boyfriend when he was only 17 his ex-gf gave birth to their son, and they we're struggling then, the girl left him, and he struggled himself to give his son a good life, and now they're doing okay. He got a good job, and he isn't struggling anymore. It just means that there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. you can do it. don't give up.
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi there ingkingderders. are you from laguna? where? im from sta.cruz. yeah your right.. whats the sense of having a contact and ask for a help if even from the start he don't make any effort for the baby. if he really wants to help theres no need to ask him. im looking forward to see the light at the end of the tunnel. i want to give best for my baby. maybe i just have a feeling like this because in this kind of situation im having also a problem on my work.. i know i can past through all of this. i just dunno when. thnx for the comment.. happy mylotting
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
Hi! I'm from San Pedro.. Yep.. There will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm sure you'll see it soon enough. God bless you and your son.
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
im staying here now in muntinlupa. your picture in your avatar..is it from laguna too? taytay falls?
@ckyera (17342)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hello novelcai, i am kinda late in this discussion coz i am actually thinking what to say...huh! so this is your story? quite sad and challenging... i don't know what to do if i were in your situation. but for me, if he give support i will accept, if not no problem as well...huh! i feel like i can surpass the situation and can bring up my child even without him... but i will not take away his right to my child since he will always be his father! shame on him that he's a coward and so irresponsible... but don't you know any reason why he do it? maybe he also have some problem...like psychological problem! hehe just kidding... but in your situation, do whatever you think is right & best for your baby...if there's really no more option then, i guess its ok to seek him & ask for some support for your child...
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi there ckyera, did you read my response from the comment number 10.? if not, have time to read it. i broke up w/ him before i found out that im already pregnant. i broke up w/ him because he got some attitude that i didnt like. and the time we stayed together w/ his sister's house after i gave birth he dont have a courage to make his sister mouth shut even an effort to talk his sister in a nice way. and the time i leave their house in the middle of the night, he just let me go. he is a big example of a man who doesnt have a ball!. if he want to give support nothing stops him because my baby stays w/ my mom. but i must admit that i dont know what to do if my son ask for his father. im still not ready for that yet.
@ckyera (17342)
• Philippines
10 Feb 10
yeah, i just read it now... your story is like those in a movie... maybe he's just afraid of his sister? hehe but anyway, i think its just right for you to leave him. you don't deserve someone like him... you also deserves to be happy & loved & cared... well, i think as your son grows up, you can still tell him about his father but don't create a bad image of him, afterall he's still the father & your son have the right to know him... just an opinion...
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
9 Feb 10
Hi novelcai, Your first step would be to go to the courthouse and get the papers needed to file for child support. You don't need a lawyer for this and the clerk there should be able to help you get the right paperwork. This costs around 100.00 but it will be worth it in the end. Go to you local Division of child support and report him for not paying child support. They will hunt him down and bring him to court
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi sid. dont you think that would be a drastic decision? is it ok even im not married w/ that guy? i really dunno what to do... thankz for the advice and thnks for dropping by.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
9 Feb 10
No it really isn't drastic at all. Many women have children with men they aren't married to and go thru the child support collection to get their support. You didn't have this child by yourself and it is only fair that he help out.
@BART78 (2931)
• Canada
9 Feb 10
well, if the situation is really tought you need to talk to your son's biological father and ask for financial support or ask his family for help...da*mn that guy!
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi there bart, do u think i really need to talk to him? he gone the time when we needed him most(financially). when the baby was in the hospital.. his family? actually his younger sister was the telephone operator that im working w/ right now. she is the one who introduce her bother to me. and she was one of my closest friend B4 ( or im the only who feel that way). she's in Italy now and she never contact me nor send me email just to ask how her nephew is. thnx for dropping by
@BART78 (2931)
• Canada
10 Feb 10
thanks for marking my response, even your not marrried yet, i guess?, according to our new family code you have the right to claim for child support, so you really need to talk to him or her family members, if they he and his family will do nothing you can consult our public attorney's office (pao) in your place so they can give you advise or legal actions..
@junmae (1591)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
I think we have a same story, I am about to give birth this summer season and I am not married yet. The father of my child is still studying but our relationship is great and he loves our baby its just that he cant support me financially so I am the one who provides all the baby's need. I just hope that he would keep hi promise for not leaving us, bu if that happens I oul not beg with him and I wont let him see my baby even his shadow.
@novelcai (603)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hi there junmae, sometimes it really depends on the situation. your bf is still studying but still the appearance is still there even he is not capable to help you financially. but after he finished his study hope that he help you in terms of the needs of the baby financially because life now is not that easy. goodluck to you and i pray for you that you can deliver your baby safe :)
• United States
10 Feb 10
well novelcai i raised my 2 boys by myself and my son is raising his son all by himself it's hard but if he is the rotten sob that walk out does not dserve his child but you deserve to get his rights taken away and then your state we help you. and have you ever heard what go around comes around and he will get his one day when he see your son and he will know that he is the loser
@TheVaz (50)
• Portugal
9 Feb 10
I can't imagine myself in your shoes. That's realy a complicated situation. In one hand you have the father that chose not to be there for his child which is such a shame for every man. I'm a man and I know how ashamed I feel to know that most man just won't live to their responsabilities. In the other hand you also don't know your son to meet him for the obvious reasons. I think your son should choose for himself when he is at the right age and starts showing that interest. Relating the financial problems it usually tends to get better but the fatheer is enforced by law to provide financial support. So when or if you find yourself ready I think you should make him fulfill is duty. At least finacially
@jaiho2009 (38989)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
hello novelcai, This is really sad...how many fathers or men doesn't had the courage to face their responsibilities. Ok,they can disregard the mom or wife...but the baby,it is always the child's right to be given fair support,financially and emotionally. Actually,it is not the child's choice to be born. Some men were really immature and chicken when it comes to their responsibility. How i wish one day,they will realize that,once in their lives...they were also a kid who needs some support and care from a father.
@pepedog (28)
• Hong Kong
9 Feb 10
hello, i'm sad to hear this. i'm a single man so i don't have much feelings about how to take care of child. but, i have a serious finacial issue just as you do, i work very hard to pay my utility bill too. since your mom can look after your baby, you should spare your time trying to look for a good job, to ensure your baby have a comfortable future. there are always hard time, i wish your baby to be a good and responsible man in the future.
@diyonzi (117)
• Philippines
9 Feb 10
Hi novelcai! First and foremost I would like to commend you for having the courage to raise your child by yourself. I know that it's not easy espcially in the financial aspect. It's a relief that you have your mom to help you out by looking after your son while you earn to make a living. However, there's more to just being able to provide for his daily needs. Before you know it your son will have to attend school and other stuffs. Expenses will surely get bigger than what you're already facing now. I understand how you feel about the father of your son. If he's responsible enough, he should have reached out to you with regards to your child. But this shouldn't stop you from demanding what your son rightfully deserves from his father. If not his presence then he should atleast provide for his son financially.. especially if the child is carrying his name. My heart goes out to you for having to go through all these and I hope that things will work out well for you and your son in the future. Keep it up and know that your son will be very proud of you when he grows up. :D
@ab48726 (156)
• United States
9 Feb 10
I know times are tough out there right now, a lot of us are struggling just like you. My advice is to forget about that guy, you shouldn't need to have any contact with him at all. I'm not sure where you live, but I believe the best course of action would be to submit your request for compensation for the child to the state and let them deal with it. You have enough stress as it is trying to pay the bills and take care of your child. Accept the fact that guy is no good and never will be, think poitive and move on with your life. Keep pushing for success and you will find it. Be determined and don't give up, where there's a will there's a way. Good luck and have a wonderful day!
• India
9 Feb 10
Shame on your man ! You gotta meet the man not just for u but atleast for the kid... something terrible would've happened else r u mad to yield a baby with a man like him.... u gotta understand & convince urself ! Go,Search,Meet & forgive him ! Ofcoz HUMANS ! May all Our Love bring back ur happy days ! Good Luck Sweety !