Breaking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend!

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Just before Christmas I broke up with my boyfriend of four years. We had basically grown apart the last year or so. I wanted to move on in life with my career as I am pretty goal orientated, whereas he was quite happy where he was and didn't have any goals or dreams to chase. I thought the break-up was going to go smoothly, we had discussed and talked many times before about changes and compromises we had to make, but nothing helped. So for me the only possible thing was to break up. I could not imagine our relationship going on as it was. We lived together, but hardly talked or did things together in the end! The break up was a fact in early December. After me going to my parents place over Christmas I came back in January and he was totally changed. He was angry and wanted revenge, he had taken stuff from our apartment that wasn't his and on purpose broken and tried to ruin stuff that was mine. I thought we were going to be able to talk and work out the practical matters as civilized adults, but this has been impossible. My ex is acting as an immature child, not wanting to talk or discuss the practical matters at all. I don't understand this behaviour of his! I though I knew him after four years, but obviously not! What are your experience from break ups? Did you and your ex work everything out as adults, or was it an "infected" break up where you/they wanted "revenge" for the break up? How did you go through it? Did you ever feel like the person you broke up with turned into someone else than the person you had been dating, with a completely different personality? What experince do you have from breaking up with your ex?