Kids, and spending the night at a friend/relatives house??

United States
February 14, 2010 4:25pm CST
How often do you let your kids spend the night at a friend/relatives house?? Is every weekend to much, or do you not view it is an issue?? My reasoning for making this discussion is that since school started back in Sept of last year, we some how got on this pattern where my son spends the night at my moms house (the grandparents) and now my daughter goes as well...it is nice to get a night off and have a morning to actually sleep in...so I didnt really view it as an issue however my husband said it is getting to be to much. His view is that my son spends all week at home, and has a bedtime and homework and dinner at a certain time but on the weekends when we can have family time he is spending it elsewhere so that he may view having to stay home on the weekends would be a punishment to him. I can see his point, but I also know that my kids are having fun over there or spending the night at our cousins house and I dont want to take that away from them.... My only issue is that they have more toys and games than we do at home and when he comes home he wants what they have. We are living paycheck to paycheck so we cant run out and get new things every week.... and he doesnt understand that and gives us attitude. so I am torn... how much is too much to let them spend the night away from home??
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5 responses
twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
16 Feb 10
It is kind of hard to know where to draw the line. I have a niece and nephew and my nephew loves to spend the night on the weekends. In the summer it seems like it's 2-3 times a week but I've worked it out to where it's every other weekend if he wants to stay over and if my niece wants to then they trade off. I do think it's important that they spend a weekend at home with their dad now and then just so they can have some family time b/c during the week their always busy with school and stuff and don't get much time together. As for the toys, honesty is usually the best policy. My nephew always hits me up for tons of toys when we go to the store and I just outright tell him...I can't afford it. If there's a cheaper one that I can get I do but otherwise he has to learn that we can't always have everything we want. If it's something he REALLY wants I let him show me and then maybe he'll get it for Christmas or his birthday. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
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bookreadermom08
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
17 Feb 10
As it is right now we dont have the money to go out and do things so I feel that letting him stay with my cousins or my parents is a treat to him, but I dont want it to become a burden on anyone or something is just a routine and expected as well...but for now it is working out although my hubby would prefer it to be every other weekend since during the week it is all homework, housework and not much fun. It sounds nice that you have your neice and nephew over... it was the same with my cousins that would stay at our house growing up...as long as they got along they could both stay...but if they didnt then they had to choose who would stay on what nights. thanks for the response and have a great night!!
Mady2791
@Mady2791 (545)
• United States
16 Feb 10
My kids have only spend the night at my mom's house a few times and I feel ok because she is my mom. I will let them spend the night at their cousin's house when they get a little older. For one thing, I know they are going to get home sick and may cry a little around bed time. Also because since they are about the same age(and they are just kids) I have seen some hitting going on where one of my kids doesn't hit back or I have seen some hurtful remarks that I don't like especially at that young age. They are too little still, when they get a little older and all of them mature a little bit and my kids feel a little less attached to me, then they can spend the night.
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bookreadermom08
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
16 Feb 10
Yeah, same with me I dont let my son stay at friends house just yet..I am not ready for that one. As it is he stays at my moms house, my aunts house with our cousins and that is it for now....I know the enviroment that he is staying at and I know he is comfortable enough to want to stay there. thanks for the response and have a great day!
str8_up_cutie83
@str8_up_cutie83 (217)
• United States
16 Feb 10
When I was younger me and my godsister always had sleepovers, it was probably about every weekend until we were like 13. If I wasnt at her house she was at mine. She would come on friday night and was supposed to get dropped back off on saturday but sometimes she ended up staying until sunday. It was tons of fun to stay up and play and those sorts of things. Im pretty sure my parents and her parents welcomed the break from us. The only time I see it as a problem would be if your childs grandparents felt inconvenienced in any way. But it sounds like they love having your kids over. Maybe you and your husband can come to some sort of compromise like sometime is you all want to have a special weekend with the kids, let them know at the beginning of the week that you have something great planned but they wont be able to stay away from home. And as far as him wanting what the other house has let them know that if both houses have the same exact toys then whats the fun. Its makes it all the more exciting when I got to go to my god sisters house and was able to play with play doh and my parents never allowed it! lol
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bookreadermom08
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
16 Feb 10
That is a great way to tell him about the toys that they have and we cant afford...thanks I will use that next time. I dont mind him going so much as I know he is having a blast with our cousins and they all get along very well, for now anyways.....and my parents the ones that call me and ask what days they can stay so they truly dont mind having the kids at all. I was just wondering if it seemed to much, or at least that is hubbys concern... thanks for the response and have a great day!
lilybug
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
15 Feb 10
I don't really have family that my kids go and stays with, so I don't know first hand how you feel. However, if you think it is getting to be too much time away and it is affecting his behavior when he gets home then I think you have every right to tell your mom that he can't go over there every weekend. Maybe cut it back to every other weekend.
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bookreadermom08
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
15 Feb 10
that is what I was thinking too...every other weekend might be better since he seems to have an attitude adjustment when he comes home... I know my mother loves having him there but the she wouldnt let me get away with that when I was younger so she will have to understand. thanks for the response and have a great night!
Patsie Hatley is Deceased
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Feb 10
bookreadermom08 here is where you have to be the parent for sure,while its fine for them to have fun like your hubby says it maybe getting to be too much. for one thing your son is now expecting that you can afford all the glitzy toys that the other people can,so he needs to know that much as you would love to do that, you cannot afford that. be a mom and say no occasionally, it does not hurt you just open your mouth and say no no.Maybe one night on the weekend or two nights every other weekend with the stipulation that he is not to be begging for fancy toys you cannot afford. kids need to know about the family finances really.Explain this to him in clear kidspeak language, you are not the family bankers, you do not have a fortune.
bookreadermom08
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
14 Feb 10
Hey Hatley. thanks for responding, as it is right now it has become one night a weekend however this weekend it has turned into two nights since he is off this week from school. I want him to stay home for my own joy that I love spending time with him but I remember being a kid and loving to spend the night at my cousins house...we were in the same boat growing up, my parents basically lived paycheck to paycheck and I knew this and never asked for anything, when i turned 13 and was able to babysit and if there was anything I wanted I had to split it with my mom, which taught me how to deal with money at an early age. Oh trust me, no is a common thing I tell him -- I feel bad but then I also do want him to become spoiled and then there will be no living with him....I hope he grows up to appreciate things....I know I did. Have a great night!
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Patsie Hatley is Deceased
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Feb 10
hi bookreadermom 08 oh my I had a corn dog for dinner and the thing is sitting in my tummy like a rock. some kind of food for people of retirement age. not. I bet your boy will grow up to appreciate things just like you did. I was raised during the depression years and mymom was always going use it up, wear it out, make it do , or do without. b ut she was a fantastic seamstress and made my school dresses all through my grade school years, and everyone always would ask where do you get those pretty dresses. those years were hard but on the farm there's one thing we never were without, good food, we raised oodles of veggies and fruits, and had our own livestock for meat, so it was a pretty good life really.
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bookreadermom08
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
15 Feb 10
I hope you feel better soon after your dinner. I am glad to hear that even through the hardship you had a good life, it is always great to hear good stories like that!!