How do you get thru a broken heart?

United States
February 15, 2010 12:15am CST
I am going thru a break up of my relationship and the life that I thought we'd have. I held on as long as I could and longer than many would have. My heart is broken but I also know I made the right decision for me. My beloved is an addict, was in treatment and yet as soon as he got out, he went right back to it. That was his 3rd time in treatment so I guess he really doesn't want to change. So now I'm done, his family is done so he's really on his own. I hope that he turns his life around but at this point, I don't see it happening. I lost faith, trust and once that is gone, there is little left. So what do you do to move on and not be so sad all the time? I know things will get better in time but if you have any suggestions, I really appreciate if you shared them!! Take care
1 person likes this
20 responses
@JenInTN (27536)
• United States
15 Feb 10
Keep busy girl. That helps more than anything. The longer you have to sit and think about stuff...the worse it is until time heals. Check into some new hobbies. Hang out with friends that are fun. Do things that you haven't done in a while. That's the best advice that I can really give because there is nothing that will make it better but a little time. Take care.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 10
Thanks for the advice Jen. I live in a military town so it's very hard to meet people who aren't military and going to deploy soon. Most of the wives go back to their families once their husband deploys since it can be for 18 months at a time. I will see what hobbies I might be able to get into that could help me start to rebuild my life. I don't know anyone here as I moved here for him so his daughter and he could be together but it's time to start over and create something better for myself.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
I agree with Jen, Tally. Keep yourself busy. It helps to forget the hurt even for awhile. And I also agree with most of those who have responded. You've done all you can to help him. In cases like this, it's them who should learn and accept that they need to help themselves.
@jlamela (4905)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
Your decision is just right. It is very difficult to be with someone who cannot be trusted and with an unthinkable addiction. Oh goodness!that's extremely difficult if you got married, because you will really end up in a very miserable state. Try to ponder hardly on your fate, reassess everything what things you will gain in the future after your break up. There's still wonderful things coming your way. Strengthen your faith, it will make everything easier for your life. Having a strong faith in God solves every problem we have. Pray to the Lord and ask guidance. There's one thing I learned from the blog of Catholic preacher Bo Sanchez on how to completely heal yourself from a heartbreak. He said: "In order for you to go on the process of smooth healing, acknowledge bitterness and anger first. Try to accept it and forgive the person who had caused you pain. After going through these steps, you will be completely healed." Good luck!
• United States
15 Feb 10
It's the right decision but had lots of consquences. I had to give up on all the dreams we had of a future together. Your words of faith were just what I needed. I have a strong faith and know that God is carrying me right now...just like the footprints in the sand poem! Please say a prayer for me as I can certanly use it.
• India
15 Feb 10
Hi, There are two entirely opposite theories I hold for situations like this. Theory 1: At this time everybody is leaving this person. This boyfriend of yours is getting more and more alone. Rather he is making himself unbearable to others. I know you've endured a lot. But there is always a way, may be a hidden way, that you people are overlooking. Love needs endurance. The real test of love comes in those bitter moments. If you quit, you will just prove yourself no stronger than your boyfriend. But if you live, may be you have to suffer more than what you've already done, but your love and dedication will always be admired. In future people will give instance of your endurance and strength. Theory 2: You have every right to choose how your life would be. As you've already suffered enough for this, there is no logic in reasoning with this situation anymore. I know you are feeling terribly tired and exhausted. As you have said you have already done what could be done. There is no need to experiment further with your own life. You don't have any right to ruin your own life staying with this guy. You can't do whatever you want with your own life as many other people are connected to it. So do some justice with yourself and retreat now. Don't even think about what he is gonna do in future. He will be just all right. Your support is making him more weak and dependent. It totally depends on you which way you have to go. But once you've chosen one of those theories, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT LOOKING AT THE OTHER. Don't hesitate. Have faith in God and use your full strength to battle against it. God bless you
• India
16 Feb 10
Hello, I had to write two theories becoz you didn't mention the situation in details. I now firmly believe that you should choose Theory 2. One should stay with the person he or she is in love with, but only as long as both of them are in right path. If you don't don't be strong and take your decision now, he will take you inside an unimaginably horrifying inferno. You will loose your faith in God, in your life and in yourself. How terrible thing would that be? I have never seen a person having such a high degree of capacity to endure adversities. I sincerely know that one who has such a strength is surely blessed by god. Everything is gonna be all right. God bless you
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
Hello! I've been through your stage a lot of times.. You can just visit my discussion prescriptions of a broken heart.. You will know more about it.. Get a positive attitude in life there still a lot of things that you can do.. Good luck!!
• United States
15 Feb 10
I'm trying hard to be positive but it's a tough time. There's a part of me that's relieved and a part of me that wished I had broken this off long ago. But I learned alot and will continue to as I grow older and wiser! Thanks for the encouragement! Be Well!
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
I'm always happy to give encouragement.. I know how you feel.. I hope that you could really follow this, so that you won't think of anything bad now.. Be happy and contented it will come you don't have to look for it...
• United States
15 Feb 10
From my experience (eventhough i've never went through any heartbreaks over addiction) I would say go to your friends. My friends took me out to get my mind over things. It also helps to do dhat last cry out the way and talk about the situation for that last time. Dating other people might be to soon but as soon as you get to that level your def on your way to get'n out of that hole.
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
hello tallygirl09. It seems you're having a hard time moving on after that relationship. At least you're in the positive side thinking all of the pain will go away. If you want to forget about being heartbroken, be sure you have the right support system so you can have someone's shoulder to cry on. that is very important for someone who's going through a tough time like you. oh and do you like shopping? every girl loves shopping! go out with your friends and have fun! have a girls' night out and do lots of things with them. that would really help you breathe a little easier. if you have more time then do a little charity work and volunteer to different organizations. in that way, you can help others and do good deeds too. goodluck :)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
p.s. don't forget.. after those night outs and stuff.. always pray to GOD for guidance and strength. Doing that will never fail you. :)
@Danzylop (1120)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
I admire you for having that relationship last despite the problem you have with him. You are just fair to your self. that is the best to do if you want to be happy. Love is not blind. As long as you can correct it, do it. And you just did.
• United States
15 Feb 10
Nice and direct! I love it! I have a strong faith in God and will move onward and hope that God watches over him too. I have to rebuild my entire life but with God's guidance I can do it. Take care and Be well!!
@ybong007 (6655)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
You did your best to help him. It's now his turn to help himself. You showed your love by supporting him. If he's sane he should realize that and show his appreciation. If he don't, it's only right that you love yourself more. You deserve someone better.
• United States
15 Feb 10
Yes, I did my best! And now it's time for me to move on and oddly enough since I made my mind up, there's a sense of relief. It's been a hard road and I have learned many lessons that I will never forget. And you are right, I do deserve better! Thank you for your kind words!! I needed them! Be well!!
@sree1412 (208)
• India
15 Feb 10
Hey wat u did is correct i knw its very dificult to come out of a relationship and out of experience i m telling tis.you did ur best 2 change him bt wen he doesn't want 2 change u cant help is.The best thing i suggest u is make more and more friends go out with then and njoy life as much as possible n wait for some time n i m sure u vl get some 1 who vl caring nloving.So dont give up dear life is small bt everyday it teaches u a lesson.So learn from ur past experience n make sure u dont commit the same mistakes again.
• United States
15 Feb 10
Thank you for your kind encouragement. It's doubly hard since I had moved down here to be with him and I don't know anyone. I have no intention of giving up, it's just a very hard time and mylotters support means the world to me! Be Well!!
@Danzylop (1120)
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
the last time I replied to this discussion , I failed to answer the title which is how to get through a broken heart. so I am checking it back. To start an answer, let me ask first if you also take something for yourself as a goal in life. For sure everyone does. So why not continue with life in a new way? Forget about depriving yourself of someone who is more responsible and who's more deserving. There is no such thing as destiny such as you'll be having a hard time with this guy and then you'll be together afterwards. Nope. It is not true. You have all the choices in life and you deserve the best ones. None deserves to suffer for no reason and in this situation of yours, you are really suffering. The choices we take decides our future so be sure to take the best ones. and that, will make you realize that you have to be happy too and you do not need to keep a broken heart. Good luck to you and to your boyfriend.
@Ladyslipper (1330)
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
Different people have different way of coing up and moving on. In my situation I make my self busy with other things- work, family and close friends. For me to be able to move on I need to excel in something else like excel in my study or work. That's the effect of broken heart to me. I feel lonely but when I feel lonely the more I strive to do good in one thing left to me. So in a way it has a positive effect on me. I am not sure if it's the same way for you.
• Slovenia
16 Feb 10
well in my opinnion, try go out and have some fun, try to forget, it takes time but it works :)
• United States
16 Feb 10
I first have to tell you that you are very brave and intelligent woman that respect herself, and I admire you for that, you went through a very difficult situation but you did totally the right thing, and I will tell you, you did the worst part already, but it is important that you don't look back, you need your time to grieve, and this is a time where you have to reach to family and friends, looking for their support, that is the best you can do, now it is the time of do things for yourself, treat yourself, and think about you, it is going to be tough, I know but it will pass.
@iceydon (342)
• Philippines
16 Feb 10
As time passes by wounds in our hearts will have its natural way of healing. We just have to live the life that we should be leading. Pain always comes with moving on. Its easy to say things that one should do in order to have smooth transition. It must be a gradual one. Not to be sad all the time is the main culprit why moving on is a hell of task. But letting yourself realize that such one great decision will have big changes in your life and thats for the better ones will be a big help in moving on. Moving on from such relationship is just like walking forward brushing any emotional baggages apt for your goal of change.
• United States
15 Feb 10
I am soo sorry. Nothing that I can say right now can make you feel any better. However, I have been there before and I can confidently say that you will get through this. And you will come out stronger than you ever were before. There is only one word that I can tell you that will help you get over this....time. There is no quick fix for this. I know that you want to help him but you can only do so much. Another suggestion that I have for you is to keep busy doing other things. Go out with friends or family, etc, Keeping busy will help you also. I know that one day you will find a wonderful person that will be your soul mate.
@zandi458 (28117)
• Malaysia
15 Feb 10
It is so sad to hear that you have love and lost. You have made the right decision to ditch your beloved. You would have suffered for the rest of your life if you stick with him as an addict has lost all sense of living a good life. All he cares is living in his fantasy world. Leaving him is the best reward you can give yourself now as it will open a new chapter in your life for a better future. A broken heart can be repaired when you meet a sweet person that can guarantee a good future for you. Go out and socialize, that is the quickest remedy now.
• Slovak Republic
15 Feb 10
Have been through a tough break up myself, but i have learnt to live.You just have accept a few things in life. That you are now done with the relationship and there is no point in looking back. this is easy to say but hard to do.It will take some time.try going out with friends more,take up a new hobby,make new friends. Keep yourself busy and you will pull through. I am sorry to hear about your relationship Just think positive ,there is a whole world out there.
• India
15 Feb 10
well its not easy when you break your heart but you have to be strong..i also had faced this kind of situation and i knoe how it feels but i just gave some time alone to myself..did not talk with anybody and just was alone..i gave myself time to think of all the good things that happened and eventually i got out of it and now i am happy...life teaches you to go ahead..all these thingas will come
@ersmommy1 (12595)
• United States
15 Feb 10
You have done your part. Being addicted is difficult, I suppose. There are many roadblocks on the way to recovery. He has to do this alone. And that is the hard part, for himself. Not for family or you, and yes it takes a lot of time! I wish you well and good luck.
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
15 Feb 10
i would suggest that you stay out of home. go window shopping, watch movies and anything that you can do to forget this bad experiences even for a while somehow. talk to your friends more often. join public service. this way you'll turn your attention to other situations instead of feeling depressed being alone. it's hard at first but you can move on easily doing all these. good luck to you my friend. HE will always be our strength.