It Is Said

@p1kef1sh (45681)
February 20, 2010 3:25am CST
That women can forgive and forget. But they will never forget what they have forgiven. Is that your experience?
17 people like this
47 responses
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
20 Feb 10
Hello, Pikey. We do have long memories, it's true, but it depends on the circumstances. My first husband was always doing things that needed to be forgiven, and it got to the stage where enough was enough. When he was trying to worm his way out of it, as usual, he came out with this beauty: 'That's the trouble with you - we can't make a go of it because you remember every single thing I've ever done wrong.' I came back with, 'And the trouble with you is, you've given me far too much to remember. Now pack your bags and get out.' Being only human, my second husband also does things that need forgiveness. However, as they're fairly rare occurrences, I don't remind him of them the next time he transgresses. So I'd say my answer to this is, you may remember things, but don't use them as a weapon when they've been forgiven - unless you have to.
5 people like this
• Spain
20 Feb 10
Hello, Leif. Yes, I can agree with you there - it takes a lot to upset me, and I do have a very forgiving nature, but you can push me too far, and when I get to that point, it's best to run for cover.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Feb 10
hi fellow mylotters all I can add is up with women power
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
Those of us that are well trained always know that we did wrong and try to learn from it Sandra. But sometimes we forget and boy, do we know about it then! LOL. No, this discussion wasn't prompted because I had done something wrong!
1 person likes this
@jakill (835)
20 Feb 10
I can only speak from a woman's point of view. And yes, I do think that is right. When I believe I have been wronged, or seen someone else wronged, the wrongdoer may be forgiven that transgression but it will probably colour my relationship with them for ever. I might be cautious about trusting them, or reluctant to do things with them, although that reluctance might be overcome and lessen with time. So is it different for men?
4 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
I can only speak personally. I can forgive most things (and have done) and whilst I don't forget I am sometimes wary. So maybe it is the same.
@BarBaraPrz (46096)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
20 Feb 10
I forget... what's the question?
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (46096)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
22 Feb 10
Well, maybe... depends on what I find when I search you...
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
Search me. I forget. Forgive me please? LOL.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
20 Feb 10
I can forgive just about anything, but to forget what I have forgiven would be foolish as I would not learn. The trick is to not let what I forgiven color future interaction with the person forgiven..............
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Feb 10
Only when it comes to my ex and it took him nearly 30 years and a very stupid new wife to drive me to that point! lol
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
and does it?
2 people like this
• Canada
22 Feb 10
An often drunk new wife. I'm still amazed at how much you put up with and forgave before you actually got angry.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
20 Feb 10
Not necessarily. I myself can forget things for a long time until something brings them back. Once I've forgiven I try not to think of the incident. It took me a long time to forgive my ex husband but the memories are still fresh and bother me quite a bit sometimes. I wish forgiving and forgetting were easier! But if we forget then we open ourselves up to the same offense again so perhaps it's better to remember.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
That sounds an eminently sensible approach. Although I sometimes find myself being "reminded" about things that I had forgotten that I had ever done!
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
20 Feb 10
wifey said she already forgiven me but she keeps on talking about what i have done wrong everytime we have an arguments. she really never forget that she have forgiven me.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
She's not alone in that Neil! LOL.
@nannacroc (4049)
20 Feb 10
Yes dear. That's exactly right. I think forgiving is right but the forgetting is not necessary, just in case you're expected to forgive the same thing more than once.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
22 Feb 10
Mr Croc's too well trained for more than once.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
Which of course you never have had to.......
1 person likes this
@bdugas (3578)
• United States
20 Feb 10
I think that is a true statement, I have forgiven a lot, but no matter how hard I try I can't forget. Once something is said, the words are out, and there is no way of pushing this to the back of our minds and not remembering it. We may choose to believe we have forgotten it, but there will always be some reminder to bring it to the front again. Can you actually forget someone that has beaten you so bad, or has cheated on you, and hurt you, yes I can forgive but i will never forget, and I think that not forgetting is what might one day save us. To not let it happen again.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
I think that the severity of the offence is material. I was thinking of rather more mundane things - forgetting to buy what I was sent out for etc. But I don't see how you could ever forget a beating.
@littleowl (7157)
20 Feb 10
Hi p1ke, It is very true in my case-I always forgive whatever the situation is/was and even if it is a long time to forgive it-but never ever do I forget it, and it is always there but never brought to the fore unless needed...hugs LoLo
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
See. I said that there is an assertive side to you LoLo. I must tread carefully. LOL.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Feb 10
I dont think that only applies to women. my late hubby said it applies to everyone. thats why he didnt like arguing with a loved one. he said you can forgive whats said nasty to you, but you never forget. and as they say, you can forgive a person but never forget how they made you feel. i think that applies to all in my experience. ive had men bring up things later that they supposedly forgave me for
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
I think that men do have the same traits. It's just that women seem to raise it more often! At least with me anyway!
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
21 Feb 10
Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting, though it is possible to forget about something after time has passed if you have moved on. And by forget, I mean it is not at the forefront of your thinking.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
I believe that it is very important that we move on from conflicts.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
4 Mar 10
I believe it is very important that we learn how to manage conflicts in order to see them coming and head them off and to resolve them when we cannot prevent them alltogether.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
21 Feb 10
Women never forget anything. You forget to pick up milk from the store after work, back in 1976, and they'll remember what color shirt you had on when you came home. He was standing right there in the doorway! And I looked at him and said, 'did you forget the milk?' And right there, with his blue and white shirt, he said to me, 'oh'. And I said back to him "oh what? Oh you forgot the milk?" and he just stood there with his brown shoes looking stupid... Women never forget anything. No matter how utterly stupid it is.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
LOL That's very familiar!
• Malaysia
21 Feb 10
to me, there will be times and time again where others tend and continue to offend us either intentionally or unintentionally. all the same we suffer from these insults, hurts, wounds, scars and 'ugly' remarks. we have to learn to forgive and forget. does women forgive and forget? its hard to say unless there is a survey done or amongst us women, are we a forgiving lot and forget those mean things others done or said about us or gossip about us. forgiveness is not a feeling . to me, its a choice. some people never want to forgive lest forget. i forgive and learn to forget. its easier for me to forgive as GOD forgives me and thus i am able to forgive those who done me wrong. to forget takes a little longer. i need inner healing to repair the wounds and the caustic remarks being made. through the years, i remember less and less of the hurt and the pain. why, it does not help me as it weighs me down. thus i get rid of these 'excess baggage' or excess luggages' and replace with happy, sweet memories of kind deeds of relatives friends and strangers. i am glad to say i have conquered this area of my life as i forgive easily and i tend to forget most of what were said and done that were in bad taste.i ask God to assist me to forgive and forget those incidents and He did. i feel relieved and release from these burden. i feel blessed and have inner peace and calm. 'to err is human, to forgive is divine'
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
Tou sound like you have established a good state to be in. Thank you for sharing that.
@lylisal (78)
• Mexico
21 Feb 10
When someone is hurt, especially by someone who is important in their life, can't forget, you arrive at forgiveness, cause the love is stronger, but never forget those things. Depends only on the person who got hurt, forget the pain to give way to reconciliation.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
Reconciliation is very important.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
22 Feb 10
Yes P1ke it is very true no doubt about it at all lol I am like that but in the same breath once I have forgiven, I will never bring it up again but it also not forgotten
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
That's why I try to be nice to you Gabs. I don't want to upset you! LOL.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
22 Feb 10
Hahahaha P1ke it takes a lot to upset me believe me and you could not upset me as you are to sweet xxx
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
20 Feb 10
I am not forgiving but I may forget that I am not forgiving...o man I am confused with my own ability. If we are talking about man, I am not forgiving most of the time. Man at his 40 or 50 is old enough to know what he is doing wrong....
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
The problem that I find is that I get older so my mental age reduces. I'm about 12 right now!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 10
So very true. It can be used in the future as a very beneficial reminder.LOL
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
Don't I know it! LOL.
@sharra1 (6340)
• Australia
22 Feb 10
Hmmm well my memory is very dodgy these days and I have trouble remembering anything, especially have trouble remembering if I forgot something. lol. However, if something is so important that forgiveness is required then it is likely to stick in your memory. Having said that I remember that I have forgiven things in the past but I have no idea what they were. It was before my current partner as he has never done anything that needed forgiving. Not as far as I can remember any way. I can't imagine him needing my forgiveness for any thing. Drag this brain fog I get with chronic fatigue.
@sharra1 (6340)
• Australia
23 Feb 10
lol. That sounds like a good way of looking at it.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
I am sorry that you are suffering there Sharra. I call to mind someone who said - "We're not daft in Australia. It's just that everything is upside down!" LOL.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85148)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Feb 10
You are probably right about that. And then if it happens again, it becomes unforgiven and a major issue...
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
That explains a great deal Dawn. LOL.
2 people like this
@Jenaisle (14079)
• Philippines
22 Feb 10
Well, memory is something that is always with us, unless you're in the final stages of dementia and Alzheimer's . For me, I will always remember. But you can remember without the pain or hurt, especially when you've forgiven already. When I remember, I'm relieved that I have forgiven because I have let go of lots of stress and sleepless nights.
@sharra1 (6340)
• Australia
22 Feb 10
Not necessarily. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and one of the symptoms is called brain fog which is like dementia at times. Either way it means that I rarely have a memory at all. At least with Alzheimer's you remember your past, just not your present. I can't even remember much about that any more. It is just all very fuzzy.
@sharra1 (6340)
• Australia
23 Feb 10
You are probably right pikey. I did not see my father in the final stages. In fact his then wife did not even tell us he was dying. I only found out when I rang the hospital to see if a visit was possible. She was not interested in the family he had before he met her and they lived up the other end of the country so I did not get to visit very often.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
22 Feb 10
I think that a stressful night is bliss. I hate to go to bed on fears and worries Jen. Sharra - In the final stages of Alzheimer's you don't remember anything from what I have seen. The brain is just so much jelly and then you die!
1 person likes this