would you forgive mothers who give abortions?

United States
February 20, 2010 11:54am CST
Well today i found out my mother had an abortion and i would have had a older brother. But i just couldnt seem to forgive her even though i want to. Anger would top over the forgiving side of me. After 18 years of my life, her not telling me this gets me angry and cant seem to trust her from now on. What do you guys think i should do forgive her?
3 people like this
32 responses
• Brazil
20 Feb 10
Did you ever stop to think that maybe she didn't have the conditions to raise a child? Would you have prefered that she lived a life of misery because of and unplanned child? I support the abortion, it's the only solution to the problems we have nowadays. People have too many kids and now the world sucks.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Feb 10
Wow, that's one big pill to swallow. Did she tell you why she did that? First of all I do think abortion is a serious crime, well at least it is especially in our country which places importance on human life and Catholic faith. I know I'm not in your shoes but I think it would be best to forgive your mother, no matter how terrible her action was. Staying mad at her wouldn't correct her mistakes in the past. Every body commits a mortal sin once in a while in life. It will take time for you to accept this mistake of hers, but forgiving her will be the best thing you can do for your mother now. "To err is human, to forgive is divine."
• United States
21 Feb 10
A 'mistake' is precived by the individual. Do you also see dilationand and curettage as a 'mortal sin'? What happends if the mother has an etopic pregnancy and if she continues to carry the child it will kill her and the fetus? So is it right to loose two lives when you can keep one that can produce more?
@dorothy09 (1520)
• Philippines
20 Feb 10
hi krnpancho, Im sorry I can understand what you felt, I know it is so hard for you to know that. But WHY? how did your mom come to a point to tell you that she had an abortion years back. Maybe an acceptable reason like about her health. But honestly If that was my mom also probably I still cant understand also. So sad ,Babies are blessings not misfortunes to be aborted. But I still cannot judge other people who did abortion.They have reasons which we could not understand Hahahayyy... hmmmmm You can talk about the problem..your mother deserves a chance and to explain to you what happen.. Be Strong and Goodluck!!... =d09:)
@blummus (451)
• United States
20 Feb 10
There are situations in which an abortion seems the best answer. Right or wrong, these are choices women face, especially if they are poor, ill or dealing with abuse or substance abuse problems themselves. Women do not get abortions lightly, nor do the sorrows that led to the abortion go away with the fetus, and I do not see any reason to beat up on a woman who chooses to end a pregnancy rather than to bring another human being into a bad situation. No woman knows what she would do in a situation until/unless she has to face choice herself. Prevention is the better course, but some tragedies are discovered too late, when the 'easy' answers will no longer suffice. Then some very hard choices have to be made.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (57415)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
21 Feb 10
You have every right to feel the way you do. For all intences and purposes, your mother is a murder. At least that's how I feel about women who chose to abort. I feel its murder regardless of the cerminstances. A life is a life no matter where it is, or was. Miscarages and pre-term labor are one thing, but abortion is just plain murder and I have no respect for those who make that choice.
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
23 Feb 10
I feel its murder regardless of the cerminstances. A life is a life no matter where it is, or was. Miscarages and pre-term labor are one thing, but abortion is just plain murder and I have no respect for those who make that choice. Let me ask you this...WHICH LIFE is more important..the lives of already existing children OR the life of the unborn? As for you not having any respect for those of us who have unfortunately had to abort..I PRAY you NEVER are put in a situation where you may have to make that very difficult choice because if you can't show compassion towards ANY circumstance that forces that hand to be played then there is now way IMO you would be able to make it through..
• United States
19 Mar 10
Exactly how has she wrong you such that it's your place to forgive her?
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
No one has the right to take a life of another human being whether adult or fetus. May God has mercy on their souls.
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
28 Feb 10
It's a secret that she has kept for so long! The fact that she has kept it a secret means that she has a good reason for it. Perhaps she is not proud of what she did. Perhaps she is ashamed or does not feel good about it. I don't think that it is our right to know intimate details of our own parents. If she kept it a secret I believe that she had a very good reason for it. I am not in favour of abortion and the killing of those who are still unborn. At the same time I can never judge a woman who unfortunately passes from this experience. Who I am to judge another person? I have my own wrong doings. When the Pharisee brought and adulteress in front of Jesus, he told them who has no sin, throws the first stone... No one had the courage to throw a single stone at her. Whom are we to throw stones at one another? I can understand that you feel angry that she has kept this dark secret from you but she has shared it with you because she loves you and she knows well that you love her back. Love never fails and supersedes such hurts.
• United States
24 Feb 10
Of course I think you should forgive your mother. That was long before you were born and long ago. Maybe things in her life were not the best conditions to raise a child. All that really matters is that she was able to have you and raise you the best that she could, what more could you want. You know she loves you, because if she didnt she wouldnt have felt the need to share that personal information with you. Try not to look at her any differently. What she did before you had no effect on you all this time since you didnt know, so dont change things now.
@iridium (431)
24 Feb 10
not only can i forgive mothers who have an abortion, i applaud them.
@airakumar (1553)
• India
12 Mar 10
Hey, you must not think like that. There would be some reason behind it. This approach focuses on helping you, the woman, by looking first at you and your needs, thoughts, feelings and beliefs in relation to the options available to you with an unplanned pregnancy. There could be many reason that she gave abortion like her relationship would not stable enough to bring a child into it. Children need both a mother and a father. She could be a parent later on in my life. She would like to have a child when she is more able to support the child. Her partner doesn't want a baby, and she want to consider his feelings bla bla... Just think of her. She loves you so much. If you don't have love enough to forgive, you don't have love--because forgiveness is love! Making a decision about whether to continue a pregnancy or not can be extremely stressful for all involved in that decision. The shock of an unplanned pregnancy or a pregnancy that has had medical complications can greatly add to this stress. This may be placing an enormous strain on you an those around you and making it difficult for everybody to act as understanding, considerate and supportive friends to one another. Think how your mother would be feeling at that time while taking this decision so respect her and leave the bad feeling aside.
• Philippines
21 Feb 10
We made mistakes and no one in this world has the right to judge someone, we respond to life's difficulties differently, we act as to what we think best for the situation and by this we grow and learn from the pain of facing what is life, life that is complex, no one will understand someone that is not in their situation. what matters most is that the person loved you with what he/she can give. As to your mom, this is her life, her past, part of her journey, learning and growing alone when you weren't still around, so if you will accept her past, you accept her wholly and you will make her happy. Try not to be judge-mental, those are just for narrow-minded person.
• Philippines
21 Feb 10
forgiveness is a decision not a feeling. you decide to forgive no matter how you are feeling. i know the knowledge of your mom not telling you about the abortion could be quite overwhelming, as you mentioned you loose trust in her and it deprived you of having a brother you might have wanted around. nothing can justify killing an innocent life inside of a woman's womb, the child did not deserve to die especially in the hand of his own mother. However my dear all of us makes wrong decisions in life some are grave like this, be honest with yourself and ask yourself these question what made you angry the fact that your mom concealed this incident from you or that she had an abortion? I'm sure your mom had suffered too when she committed abortion, she could have been suffering all these years in silence and i'm pretty sure she isn't happy or proud of what she did, and most often mothers who had an abortion are haunted of what they did. i suggest you talk to your mom about it and be open with your feeling but when you talk do not display a judgmental attitude because that won't help. the goal here is to help your mom heal and for you to heal as well. you can be angry but don't dwell on it for too long that it affects your relationship. anger won't help. if you are a christian talk to your pastor and ask for good counsel, if you're a catholic talk to your parish priest. or it could be someone who you trust but who would tell you the truth and not be biased.
21 Feb 10
There can be no right age to tell your child that you had an abortion. I think it would have been inappropriate to tell you this when you were a child. You are now 18 and, in your mother's eyes no doubt, all grown-up and able to deal with this information. She didn't have to tell you at all but it is a measure of her faith in you that she decided to share this information. I'm sure, in her own mind, she did it for all the right reasons. It's not an act that any woman undertakes lightly. It's a dreadful decision to have to make. Have you talked to her properly about this? Why did she feel it necessary to have an abortion? The pregnancy probably came when she was at a very fragile stage of her life and she felt bringing a new life into her world was very wrong. It's unclear what you feel you have to "forgive" her for, whether it's for not telling you before or because you feel abortion is wrong. Forgiveness is always the right action, not least for your own peace of mind. Be kind and be gentle. I hope you both sort this out as a mother/son bond is very important and very hard to repair once it's broken. Good luck.
@grkelly (1206)
• Malta
28 Feb 10
It is surely a difficult situation and i do not blame you for finding it hard to forgive her. However you might come to terms with it if you think about it that she might have had specific reasons for not telling you the truth before, maybe she thought you might not understand her and maybe you were too young. She must have had her reasons, however I don't think I could ever understand any mother who accepts to have the abortion, it is too cruel an act.
• Philippines
21 Feb 10
Have you even bothered to ask why did she had an abortion in the first place? I think that you've been quite harsh on her. There are situations in real life that forces people to make hard choices, including your mother. I suggest you have a heart-to-heart talk to your mother andd tresh out your issues.
@assadi (91)
• India
21 Feb 10
What she did is truly not good.She killed one life before it get into world.In our religion it is a great crime.But still she is your mother you must not keep your anger on her for more than three days.But you can convince her not to do it again.
• India
21 Feb 10
I won't have that patience to be calm.. i cant forgive her for this and i would just go and ask her everything abt this and freak my greivances..
• Philippines
21 Feb 10
i am not in the position to forgive if the person never committed any sin to me to begin with. your mother might have had her reasons for doing so. i think, if i was in your position, i would see this revelation in a much more positive light. thank God, she save me... y'know things like that. now you know that your mother is capable of doing such thing - don't you just feel a lot more special because she brought you into this world and raised you? i don't know about you -- but that's exactly what i would feel. i hope you find it in your heart to forgive your mother.
@BluRu06 (35)
• United States
21 Feb 10
How would you go about telling your child that you had an abortion? So telling you at 18 seems like a better idea than telling you at 7 or even 12. Did you ask her what the situation was like when she made that decision? Was it hard for her to provide for herself muchless another person? Sometimes its not right to bring a child into the world when a situation isnt financially stable. Get a better understanding on the situation, then evaluate your fealings and go from there. Shes your mom and one precevied decression isnt going to change a lifetime of love.
@tpaz11 (76)
• United States
21 Feb 10
Yes I would. There might be some reason that the mother had to get an abortion. She might have problems after giving birth, the baby may be born with problems that would ruin its life or give it no chance of survivel, or the mother might die after birth. There can be many reasons the mother had the abortion. But wemust also remember. God forgives everyone for their actions if the seek forgivness. So why shouldn't we forgive others like God does. It is right to forgive and it is wrong to hate.