Confused, what should I do?

China
February 25, 2010 11:26pm CST
I've got married for two years, I'm a 31 years' old woman. I feel so confused, I love a man who is ten years older than me, he has also got married, has a family. We work together, we are so happy with each other, as if the heavenly destined lovers. We have the same habits, the similar thoughts of dealing with things. The value concept and the world concept. We know we are perfect soul lovers. We feel misery that we love both so much , but we both have family. We think a lot of our future, shall we divorce respectively and marry to each other, or shall we just continue the state of secret lovers. We really love each other and feel so happy with each other. I feel I'm the happinest woman in the world with him, but ,but, what shall I do??
2 people like this
24 responses
@tatiana07 (498)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
hi silentsnow! just do things that will make you happy but do your best not to hurt others. anyways, maybe you're really confused with what you're feeling right now. why not try to work out your relationship with your husband. it's only 2 years that you've been married but you're tired to make your relationship work out. if there's a problem between you and your husband try to solve it and not try to seek love to others. yes you're happy if you're with him but how about the other parties?your husband and the wife?think a lot before you decide. goodluck to you! happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
26 Feb 10
That's a very good advice, Tatiana..
@sreesai (216)
• India
26 Feb 10
hi silentsnow, I read in an aritcle in which it said that, every working person male or female has a soul partner in the office irrespective of their gender. we feel happy near our parents, friends, brothers and sisters and husband, children.... Why not you be happy as a good friends. Why to disturbe both of your families and create negative impact on both of you. Divorce can be done, but it affects the whole family including children. Friend, please do think about yourself, your family, children and take a wise decision. Stay calm, and wright what are the positive affects and what r the negative affects on a small peice of paper and decide your future. Good luck friend.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Aug 14
itz depend on you and your life mate, how do you fell, guilty or happinees, happiness is better way, but follow all social noems.
@myzire72 (1157)
• Singapore
27 Feb 10
Hi silentsnow, I suggest you better stop indulging in it any further and get out of this bottomless pit right now. You know jolly well you are playing with fire, and that in the end, all 3 parties will be hurt in one way or another. So, why continue? Listen, I know exactly how you feel now. I have a male friend who was in exactly the same situation as you. But after much scoldings and advise from me and a close friend, he managed to give up before something serious happened. It has been 6 months since he departed with that married woman. He thanked us for our assistance because he realized it was lust that he harbored for the woman, not love. I hope you will ponder over what I said and do the right thing. God bless you!
@asanlee (408)
• Indonesia
27 Feb 10
Hallo...You said you love your secret lover, what about your husband? Do you love him? if not why you married him then. Do you have children? Have you ever thought about them? What about your lover, does he have children? Both of you seem so selfish just think about yourselves, if you leave your family and he leaves his, just to be:( ..... How can a man married a woman for years then said that he never loves her? Is this because of get bored of the old one, so the new one can gives him fresh feeling , maybe after several years then he will get bored again, and you will be the next victim. But I am not you, and I dont know the real situation, so I just advice you to think twice before make any decision. Good Luck!!!
• United States
27 Feb 10
It sounds like you and your lover needs to sit down and really break things down and see if you both still see eye to eye. And if you do then you need to decide if he really and truly means what he says and really wants to be with you. Plus you should think about your children {if you have any} is he really good with children? Does he have any kids? is it really love or lust?
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
26 Feb 10
I have read some of the Responses here and I look at this with open eyes, yes ok some can be right but only you know how you feel, only you can decide where your Heart is and he knows where his is You both need to sit down and talk and I mean talk it through to every extend and if it is what you want Yesok it could go wrong he could cheat on you if you both decide to be together or you could on him, but IT IS not a fact that he will It is a part of Life that People can get married thinking that they have found the right Person, then later in Life the RIGHT Person comes into your Life but then there is the Situation that you are both in now, no one can predict what the future hold or what is round the Corner, Life is taking chances and risks in everything, People get hurt because of the Chances and risks, but you need to be 100% sure it is right for both of you, it is what you both want or if you will leave it the way it is which is hurting you both It is also hurting the other Partner because you will not be as attentive as you should be and they will eventually feel that and hurt so either way there will be hurt I suggest you both think this through very well and talk about and take it from there Good luck to you all and I really hope you come to the right decision
• United States
26 Feb 10
Well in my opinion there is not sense of being with a person that you don't love, so if you don't love your husband, you should not be with him, because you are making a lot of damage here, you are being the lover of a married man, it doesn't matter that you guys love each other, but the relationship that you guys are having right now, it is extremely inappropriate, so if I would be you, I would divorce your husband and marry this guy, now you have to remember what would happen if you guys marry and the a couple of years later he will fall in love of someone else, this guy is perfectly capable to cheat, if he did it once, he will do it more. You should always follow your heart, and if you don't feel happy in a relationship, you should leave.
@skater95 (63)
• United States
26 Feb 10
If you two don't have kids then i would say get the divorce, but if you both do, then idk if you can find a way to work it out then go for it, but if you can't find a way to make it work for your kids, then i would say stay married, but I'm sure that you could find a way for it to work.
@avani26 (1520)
• India
26 Feb 10
Sweetheart love seems very wonderful when you are not staying together. Once you are under the same roof things change dramatically. Just think for a second about your partner and then your marriage is just 2 years old and in this time I do not think you both would have understood each other. Give your marriage a chance.
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
26 Feb 10
Three Words: Don't Do It If someone thinks something is so great and it ends up being a secret, it can't be that good.
• Indonesia
26 Feb 10
A forbidden love, u should leave it. If u still continue ur forbidden relationship with him, i think that u dont have heart. Don't be selfish. U have husband, u have ur own family, they are ur responsibility. So i think u should think about your family not about ur forbidden relationship. If u both still continue this, how many people will be hurt. I think its just a temporary feeling, no guarantee that if u divorce, u will be happy forever with him.
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
well it seems like, you found the love at the wrong time, and i believe that we free to use our freedom in order for us to find what we really need to live. i have'nt been married on someone and i dont know exactly how it feels to live with anyone especially with the one i love. for me if you are in the feeling that you cant live away with that person(the man whos 10 year older than you) and seeing your dreams on him. now its time for you to make a decision, but you know this would not be easy. because you are with someone whos is legaly tied up to you, only thing i can give is to be honest with him and have guts to tell and make a final closure to your relationship. that will be hard but that would be the last thing you have to do, and that would be the most painful decision you have to do.
@Lata_45 (219)
• India
26 Feb 10
well its complicated ohk first of all be clear of your thought and do what your heart says but also dont forget about your resposibilities tooo. You can share this with your husband and take a decision if u really wanna get separated but still think also about your kids they will be shocked as well as shattered by hearing all this. so just think and do whatever u wanna do
@mutpal74 (314)
• India
26 Feb 10
Hi Friend if its a real story then let me clear you something that your writing this post proves that you still have your sole with you which prevents you taking a wrong decision.Just for this moment forget about your new friend and think about your husband. What do you found in him that made you decide to marry him? There must be some thing in good in him am I right?We are talking about family my dear friend not a branded product that today one brand is good take it , enjoy it for some days then after some days if some more attractive brand is there in market forget the old one and go with the new one!!! Is it Human nature? Then I will prefer not to be human in my next life I meant even animals are more loyal to their partners.Yes I understand that the time has changed we have became so selfish that others feelings never comes to our site and we only think about ourselves but Please tell me my friend what about tomorrow ?May be tomorrow even a better person will enter in your life in that case will you leave this poor fellow as well? Please be mature my friend.Be loyal to your husband and in laws and always try to find their good things.Every body lives for self try living for others I assure you it will give you more pleasure.
@zed_k4 (17624)
• Singapore
26 Feb 10
I know you are feeling misery right now and a whole lot of other things. Love is unexplainable, and sometimes there are things which are not justified. I'm sure you do not ever wish for yourself to be in this kind of situation. It's complicated definitely and there's nothing much that you can do but hoping for a better situation. I think you are mature enough to handle this tactfully. Since there are lots of people involved in this story, think things through carefully yeah. They say that sometimes to love someone is to let someone go..but everything is up to your decision. Take care, silentsnow..
@ebuscat (5947)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
For me the love you make is not God premises so what should you do you must be married to the person who is not married.
• India
26 Feb 10
You are right friend silentsnow, I want to do friendship with you. I am also like you. But the difference is only that you and he both are married. But I am single and she is married. We are true lovers. We have not any physical relationship. As my opinion I want continue the state of secret love. We are happy to doing it. If you don't mind please tell me more about your love... Thank you....
• India
26 Feb 10
finally i have seen people's who realy are helpfull in social network but in i have seen such a pityty full person who came here for their down lines and i realy appriciate this people the way they helping this lady how's the life is and how you have to fullfill your duty's first thanks gusy i realy love this kind of people inshallah allah will bless you sisters and brothers so long
@junmae (1591)
• Philippines
26 Feb 10
So that's cheating, I dont know how to react with your post because I am not encountered a situation just like yours. There are many things why women always entered such wrong relationships. Think of the people who might get hurt if you file a divorce, also dont be selfish, you are happy now, yes that is given but what it the man you chooses over your family turned out to be miserable?