How to tell a child where his father if he left us while im still pregnant

Philippines
March 5, 2010 7:31am CST
im pregnant without the father though i already accept that fact. i just wonder how will i tell my child once he grow up and ask where his father, specially during his early age like 1-7 years old were its difficult for him to understand. a friend of mine told me to tell that his father works abroad but what if he want to listen to his father's voice even through phone. i guess i cant tell him his father left us coz i know he will not understand the situation knowing his still a child and i know he also want a fatherly love specially if he saw those kids playing with their father. what a heart broken to my part. what do you think is the best solution for this.
1 person likes this
7 responses
@shibham (17019)
• India
5 Mar 10
Hi amiga, this is my 3rd consecutive response to you. I begin to understand what is running with u. So here i m again. First of all, never tell a lie to a child bcoz he/she hates mother if she hide the supreme truth. Do u think that u can run the whole life with a lie. Never bcoz truth is beauty and beauty is naked. So truth is always welcomed by anyone whatever it is. Yes, it may takes sometimes to accept. Secondly u can marry someone whom u prefer. All d best.
• Philippines
5 Mar 10
i know but if the baby is just 1-7 years old im sure it will be hurt for them to accept that his father left us specially if he saw those kids playing with their father. i really ct take the fact that my child will be hurt that much,, i mean maybe i can take the pain but for the baby i really cant. i know its easy to say to tell the truth but maybe for matured people but for the kids, its really a heart broken as they dont have the capacity to understand the truth yet. if they are 8 to adult already then maybe.
@shibham (17019)
• India
5 Mar 10
Do u want to get married after this ? I have solutions after your answer. Feel free to share.
• Philippines
5 Mar 10
of course i still want to get married though wish he will love and accept the baby as his own so that when the baby grow up theres a father whom he can look at. as i only wanted what best for my baby and want him to feel that his family is complete so he will not grow up as a disturb child.
@kaylachan (4774)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
6 Mar 10
Be honest with him. Wait until he starts asking, but tell him the truth. He might not understand right away, but maybe by then you may have a new man in your life. I wouldn't worry about that right now. Most important thing for you to do is to take care of yourself. The subject will come up eventually, but that could be years down the road. Children often understand things more then we give them credit for, but lying won't resolve anything. You have to understand and be sure you can truely except being pregnant without the father, because once you can truely be secure the rest will come to you. Don't worry, I'm sure things will be perfectly fine.
• Philippines
7 Mar 10
thank you, i hope it will. a lot of thought really coming into my mind the what if and other things. i grow up with a complete family and i know how nice it is to have a father as it makes us complete and secure. though im still praying that every thing will going out well and im also hoping that his father will be back for him even just to tell him that his just around whenever he need him for him to have courage in life.
@Chad525 (349)
• Canada
6 Mar 10
Homeshoppers, Growing up, I was in the same boat as your child will be in. My mom's answer simply was, "Your dad and I just fell out of love and so he moved away" In my teen years, I did find out that she left him because he was abusive, but my entire life, I was happy and content with the fact that my parents had just fallen out of love. I hope that helped.
• Philippines
6 Mar 10
thanks i guess that will be the right way to tell the child and i hope someday he will understand. i will just see to it that i can give him all the love that i have so he will not feel pity. i know i can still got married someday so i can still give my child a complete family.
• Philippines
5 Mar 10
Hello homeshoppers, I believe that we should simply do think of how to upbring your child and only answer questions once your child asked to.but be sure you are ready for your answers there. you can always try to be a father and a mother at the same time.
• Philippines
5 Mar 10
i know but of course i need to prepare the possible answer as early as possible so i will not be shocked the moment my the child will ask me about this. though i just hope i can get married by that time so there will no problem if your in my situation there will be a lot of doubt, questions that need to be prepare while still early.
• Malaysia
6 Mar 10
it is hard... but I do agree with most of mylot friends you should tell the truth... you are able to bring your child up by yourself.. give him love and find a new partner..
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
6 Mar 10
Honesty is the best policy. I would try to divulge information slowly. I would not give all the information about his father at once. I would say things according to your child's mental ability. I would not give extra unnecessary details. I hope that you manage to find a man who loves you as you are and accepts you with your child and he can be a good father to your child.
@bystander (2299)
• Philippines
6 Mar 10
when your child is old enough to understand, homeshoppers, tell him/her the truth. he has an s.o.b. for a father, a weakling who cannot stand up to his responsibilities and only takes advantage of women. it's better to tell the truth, even if it hurts, than to later only be sorry for not telling it to your child. you don't want recriminations when you are already old. and that one, coming from your child.