How long should I wait?

@cyntrow (8524)
United States
March 8, 2010 8:35pm CST
I am the mother to all of my kids' friends. It's been that way for 20 years. So, this afternoon, my 13 year old's 16 year old friend told me that she visited the school nurse today, because her breasts are sore and she has red bumps on one of them. The nurse told her to go to her doctor as soon as possible and I agree. It could be breast cancer. I talked with her at 8:30 and she still had not told her mother. I told her that I would give her until tomorrow and if she had not told her mom by then, I was going to tell her. I explained to her that the longer she waits, if it is cancer, the more difficult it will be to get rid of the cancer. She's only 16. Hopefully it will be nothing, but she neeeds to find out. My question is, how long should I give her to tell her mom, and should I check up on her? This could be very serious. I hope not. What do you think? I'm a little frightened right now.
8 people like this
10 responses
@urbandekay (18280)
9 Mar 10
Hi Cyntrow, I would act immediately. But I might accompany the girl to her mother's house, if possible, so the girl had pressure to tell her mum and the opportunity so to do. all the best urban
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
9 Mar 10
She did talk to her mom and I checked back to make sure. She has an appointment scheduled for Friday to see what exactly is going on. I pray that it is nothing, but in these cases, waiting can be life threatening.
@LadyMarissa (12150)
• United States
9 Mar 10
I think you should keep your word. You gave her until tomorrow & I think you should honor that. Since you didn't say what time tomorrow, I think I might call her Mom tomorrow morning. My question is WHY didn't the school nurse call her Mom & say I'm concerned & think you need to take her to the doctor.??? At 16, that child is thinking I'm invincible & nothing will happen to me!!! So, I think it is important that you hold her to what you said!!! If it turns out to be nothing, then all will be well. If it is cancer, she needs treatments NOW!!!
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
9 Mar 10
I totally agree. She is thinking that if it's not diagnosed then it doesn't exist. My daughter talked with her his afternoon and she said she talked with her mother. I told Brooke to tell Marilyn that I would be checking with her mother and she agreed. So I did. She has an appointment with the GYN on Friday, according to her mom. And her mom thanked me for caring. I pray it all ends up being nothing.
• Philippines
9 Mar 10
First i would like to say thank you for being a mother to all your kids' friends. The situation of your kid's friend is quite serious and her mother should know immediately about it. Please call her right now. Just inform her about her child's condition calmly so that she won't be shocked. I agree with our fellow mylotters that this should not be kept a secret from her mother. Medical check up should be done as soon as possible so that she can be properly diagnosed and can be helped while it is still early.
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
9 Mar 10
Thanks for your reply. It was never my intention to keep this from her mom. I just want to give her a chance to let her mother know. I will, however, call the mom to make sure. You can't always trust a teenager to tell the truth.
@se7enthbird (8311)
• Philippines
9 Mar 10
in case like this i dont think that you have to wait for this is a very important matter. you need to act now. this is for the sake of the child, let us not wait any longer for she might be at scared to know what is that but it is better to have checked earlier as possible. there are things that can wait and there are things that cant and this are one of those things that does not required for waiting.
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
9 Mar 10
Her mom will know by the end of today, whether it's me telling her or her child telling her. I agree, this is not something to sit on. Thanks for your input.
@spalladino (17900)
• United States
9 Mar 10
Give her mom a call tomorrow and find out for yourself if she told her. You're right to be concerned about waiting...this is not a confidence that you should keep...so do what you know you should do and make sure this girl's mom knows what's going on.
@JimBo452020 (42614)
• Montrose, Scotland
2 Oct
11 years
• United States
10 Mar 10
You said you would give her until tomorrow then keep your word. If by this time tomorrow she hasn't told her mom , then tell her mom.
@RachelleNH (1403)
• United States
9 Mar 10
She's not afraid of her mother is she? That would be very sad to find out you have cancer at such a young age..I pray that it's only heat rash..but the soreness? She's not pregnant is she? I would give her mom a call and talk while she's in school and just tell her that she had mentioned that they were sore and had red bumps and asked you about it. Prayers and blessings~
9 Mar 10
I'd be inclined to call her Mum and speak to her. It's great that kids feel they can come to you with problems but in this case you should encourage her to talk to her Mum too.
• Australia
9 Mar 10
I wonder why the school nurse didn't contact the mother, but I suppose it could be because of privacy laws. I have been involved in ministry to children and youth for about 40 years and have come across quite a bit of child abuse. One thing which makes me wary is a child wanting to share a "secret" and asking me to promise not to tell anyone. The first rule is never to promise. I tell them straight that I cannot keep a promise that will hurt anyone. This girl probably didn't ask you to keep a promise, but she evidently has confidence in you. I think, in the same situation, I would have done either of two things. I would have set a definite time limit for her to tell her mother herself, or I would have offered to go with her to tell her mother there and then. A lot would depend on how well you know the mother. Maybe she told you in the hope that you WOULD tell her mother - because she wasn't comfortable about doing so herself. If you are able to contact the girl and she hasn't told her mother, maybe you could offer to go with her?