shouting between a couple

Philippines
March 15, 2010 5:07am CST
do you and your spouse shout at each other? we do. despite repeated attempts to control it, my husband and i shout at each other when we fight. especially him. he says i don't listen to him if he doesn't shout. i wonder if that is true. but sometimes our shouting get out of control. my husband can shout really loud so that the whole world will know that we are fighting. and the sad part is, we live with our in laws with the entire clan knowing that we are fighting. sigh. i dunno, i feel bad. i want to blame myself. i want to think that i am just a bad person and i deserve all this. i deserve all the hardships and i am the only one who needs to sacrifice. sigh. my eyes are like bursting dam.
4 people like this
18 responses
@nonersays (3099)
• United States
16 Mar 10
My husband and I fight a lot, but only once or twice a year get in fights so bad that we are shouting at each other. It does happen though.
• Hong Kong
16 Mar 10
Me too, once or twice a year is too many for my husband and I, I always tell myself not shouting to each other, as we are not gonna to break up, so why should we shout at each other. Despite we try to stop fighting, it still happens, but we hope we can reduce the times it would happen.
@nemrac12 (388)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
it is ordinary or typical for a couple to have misunderstanding or little fight... but not to the extent that you are shouting with each other? are you living in a mountain or in a noisy environment? shouting with each other is not a good example for your children. children will experience trauma if parents or couple always shouting with each other. if couple have a problem you should solve it in a nice way. buy if you couldn't control shouting, both of go to the mountain and shout / fight there. at least your kids and neighbors will not hear or see that you are fighting....
1 person likes this
@jd107nette (1456)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
hey hey hey... i don't think you have to claim all the blame... if there is someone at fault, it's always the two of you... there may be some shortcomings here and there but you see,anger gets big when love is little... maybe when the situation gets hot again, you can turn and listen to his complaints without interfering. then when he's done, tell him it's your turn to talk and it's his turn to listen.. i think every situation could be handled with proper communication... do not ever let yourself explode.. ^_^ well, that's hard i know... but, still i wish you good luck... don't be too hard on yourself...
1 person likes this
@preethaanju (3000)
• India
16 Mar 10
we all still have a little of animal instinct left in us. Scratching,biting,and screaming are all natural insticts we imbibed from animals. We do lose our cool sometimes. But the best way to face a hostile person is through silence. There is no bigger irritant to a short tempered person than facing a docile opponant..
1 person likes this
@daliaj (5681)
• India
16 Mar 10
I don't prefer to shout at him. If I get mad of any of his activities, I stop talking to him and my dislike will be there on my face. He easily reads my face and finds out that there is something wrong with me. He ecourages me to talk it out and we will disucss it and leave it behind us forevr. When he gets mad at me he shouts. He shouts the same thing over and over. I keep my mouth shut and listens to him.
1 person likes this
@lhadie (33)
• Philippines
16 Mar 10
quarrel/fights/conflict is good in a relationship to make it strong but make it healthy. Don't ever think that you're bad, think of the reason why you fought? If you do something that is not pleasing then maybe you just can't take the situation. Just try this, next time when you have conflicts and you think you're the one who made a mistake - then say sorry immediately then if his the one who commit is then try to just keep silent and let him talk until he is ready to listen to you..
@mhaibless (210)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Its not good to shout. Its not good be angry at the same time. A couple can argue when they freely express their feelings as long as they keep everything in control. This helps both partners to understand each other better and leads to a good degree of resolution or compromise. On the other hand, arguments in which one partner becomes defensive or stubborn can lean to further conflict and eventual deterioration of a relationship.
@laglen (19779)
• United States
15 Mar 10
We generally do not shout. I do think that twice in seven years I have gotten so angry, I slammed a door. We don't really fight much. He is very easy going and if I just take a little time to myself, I will chill out. You are not the only one who should sacrifice. A compromise is BOTH giving and getting a little.
@jugsjugs (13038)
15 Mar 10
I think that when we get into an argument the bad feeling lasts for a few days aswell as one of us will go into another room as that way all the shouting stops.We live in our own house with our 6 children and i hate arguing in front of them as well as raising my voice as children tend to copy.I have been upset for days aswell as angry for days after an arguement with the husband.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
15 Mar 10
it happened to me and my hubby as well in the past... we always shout at each other a lot when we fight... i don't like to be shout at and i had told my hubby many times... but he still like to shout at me when we fight and i couldn't help it but to shout back at him... but nowadays i try just to ignore him when he shout at me and make him feel that he is talking to the wall... that way, he will feel that he had done something wrong to me by shouting and that's why i am ignoring him... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
15 Mar 10
should not happen! .. if it happens to you, you should be patient, even though you are not guilty .. say after emotions subside, say, with love .. it was hard to be a quick listen but slow to speak, but that's what you should do, let alone deal with people who have a high temper .. patience! shouting at each other not infrequently they finally hitting, slapping each other .. avoid it! very dangerous ..
@rsa101 (24225)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Well I think its part of being married that we lose our tempers with one another. I think when it comes to shouting it only boil to one thing no one wants to give in to an issue. When that happens to us as couples, I usually the one that remains quite and allow the temper of my wife to settle down and after I feel that everything we talk about the issue in a more subtle manner. I think the shouting will only stop if one give in and allow the other party to express himself/herself.
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
actually in my case, if one of us shouting the other one will leave even if it makes one of us more angry. then then next day no matter who shout to whom but once we realize that its our mistakes then the one who makes mistakes will be the one who will call and ask forgiveness. though sometimes we become so hard that we dont accept any explanation specially if they are doing the same thing again and again.
1 person likes this
@surekharathi (14133)
• India
24 Mar 13
The same thing is with me some time we both shout on each other but mostly I shouted and feel bad because my hubby sit silent nothing say anything. They are very less talkative person so I feel irritate when I am talking then why he not replied. But our fight is rarely happen only for time because they not spend the time with me.
@asliah (11141)
• Philippines
24 Mar 13
i am thankful that my parents never do that shouting at all ever since,i never heard them shouts to each other,even when i had lived in partner or lover,i didn't shout with them even we have some misunderstanding because shouting is a kind uneducated person.
@squallming (1776)
• Malaysia
20 Jan 12
Me and my girl does not shout at each other. Sometimes we will have conflicts but we tend to discuss about it in order to sort things out positively. At times when I'm quite upset with what she did, I would just remain silent and ignore her for a while, she would then ask me what's wrong, what have she done etc. I would then tell her why I'm upset etc. This is a very productive problem-solving method in relationship.
@HelloMickey (1656)
• Hong Kong
16 Mar 10
Seldom shout at each other, mostly I shout at him. But only once or twice in a year, shouting can't solve problems but we think most of the shouts can help release our pent-up emotions.
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
16 Mar 10
spoiled311, It's not always easy to see someone's true colors. Sometimes you must look underneath that masculine veneer to find that fragile ego. You must bring the truth out of the shadows to see the beauty of its smile. Being in a relationship tells a lot about ourselves and often wondered why are we leading 'certain' relationship we never understand. Well, that's because you are trying to examine a problem within the structure of the relationship, when the root of it all lies with the self. You seem to have so much insecurity in you that it seems like you are being consumed by it; you admitted that you are resigned to blaming yourself when you should not - therefore, it's not really surprising to see frequent quarrels in your relationship because your insecurity is gnawing the life out of your Love. Interesting how one would reposition their perception insofar of having the ability to fit the claim so nicely and yet logical - this self justification of what you think is good for the relationship is merely a product of your evolved perception. If your relationship suffers and not benefit from your definition of what Love is to you, then you might have to review the entire relationship from scratch again. The reason why you are always compromising on your part, even till the extent of lowering your dignity, is because you are afraid that one day he might just turn around and walk away forever. Your fear of leading life without his presence coerced you to accept any odds, irregardless of how ridiculous or unreasonable it seemed. Not forgetting that there are also self ego issues here, where you just feel out of sorts with your in-laws around the house. Your behaviors are driven by fear, much less motivated by love. I feel that you should try and seek out a place and time where the both of you can be together away from your in-laws and the children to have a heart-to-heart talk about what is really bothering the both of you. Shouting is just not leading anywhere and worst it impairs each others' hearing. The paradox in Love: the more you fear you will lose him or the relationship, the more damage you will unconsciously deal to the relationship. Take care and hope you see the light here.