Everyone makes mistakes......It's a part of life to move on a learn from them...

Canada
March 16, 2010 1:39pm CST
I had a recent well almost how many months falling out with my best friend that I've made previous discussions about plus I've also made discussions about my ex husband....I've known them both for the same amount of time..... I'm just glad in away that I'm finally getting my answers from my ex husband that I can close the chapter on that.....Alot of things we have been talking about we should of way back then but better late then never I guess.....At the same time I believe that the damage has already been done with my ex husband and I don't want to risk that again....But we shall see how far he is willing got go to try and be my friend I guess....I'm a caring person and have a hard time being cold hearted.... I know that I made a mistake with my best friend two mistakes that I'm not proud of.....She feels as tho I'm keeping secrets from her that my ex husband has told me I don't feel that is the case I just need to take a step back and really need to think long and hard on what I've been told.....When you are angry upset or anything with people you will say anything that you don't mean about that person behind their back not always but in most cases that is how it is....My ex husband has admitted to that......We suffered a huge loss together and that is something that you can't get over that easy I'm at peace with it he's not and he left before the year anniversary I'm guessing cuz he couldn't deal I don't know the whole story as of yet and I may never know.... But I strongly believe that what is in a marriage stays in a marriage yes he went behind my back and said some nasty things I did too....I appreciate my best friend wanting to come and tell me these things....It hurts and I'm confused right now....I loved this man with all my being and I'm trying to close the chapter of that life....I tried over and over and over with my friend as much as she has with me but I'm tired I guess of saying I'm sorry....I'm not ready to see her now much as she wasn't ready to see me I felt that I was and should of been honest before agreeing....But my nerves are shot and I need to calm them I'm the only parent my kids have and my health needs to be addressed first....I may talk to her I probably will eventually but for right now I need to throw in the towel so to speak....I'm done way done for now til I get my head screwed on straight in lack of better words... HappyMylotting all advice welcome if you need more info please let me know....
3 people like this
5 responses
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
16 Mar 10
Ok my Advice is this, you are both never going to get past this, unless you talk face to face whether you are ready or not, your Ex Husband needs to stand up and start taking responsibility and not run away because he can't 'deal' with it, I know what it is like to loose a Baby, my Ex Husband let me down big time on support but yes stupid me stayed with him You and your Friend must get this out and then go your Separate Ways I can not see this being repaired, there is to much damage done now, but to get over this you NEED to talk then walk into the opposite Direction and get on with your Life's I am sorry Sweet if I sound harsh but it is the only way to get past all this now the longer you put it of the longer it will take to get past it
3 people like this
@Hatley (164232)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Mar 10
gabs I get the feelings that she was just way too hurt by what her friend told her about the man she loved. I was thinking maybe it would be best to simply have a cooling off time, but perhaps you are right. I am so thankful I have not had this problem with my own best friend, although I was angry for a short time because she had said some unkind things about my son, but he himself said to me, that he needed that kick in the behind she had handed him, so then I saw what she said was done out of worry and concern for me.Really it turned out, out of concern for both of us. she was the one who suggested I come here until Robbie cou ld get a job. well I know both of us are concerned here for Blue Angel.
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Mar 10
Yes that is true but I don't know if and when I will be ready to talk I know I may never be ready but I will try one day....I feel that alot has already been said .....I'm not saying that she hasn't tried or anything of that nature.....But all I kept hearing over and over is I will find away to make it up to her well I shut the door as much as she did on that....I will probably have the face to face talk someday....Yes my ex husband in the beginning was very supportive of me and was there for me through it all then our little problems we had before esculated into bigger ones and we took our anger of grieving out on one another yes he ran yes he has his problems and I agree he needs to take responsibilty for his actions and he is trying to do just that he hasn't denied his role in it so far with the few conversations that we have had and believe me I've been waiting along time to hear that lol....I tried to work things out with my friend but I guess it is done....I've just had enough of the fighting with my friend I know the talk will be emotional yes and possible heated but I just need to take that step backwards and really think about it when I said that I'm sick of saying sorry I met with getting the door shut....I'm truly sorry and will take the opportunity and say that to her face....That is why I'm talking to my ex husband I got silent treatment for almost 2 years that I need to talk to him now and then face to face to close that chapter and move on completly....I'm feeling better each day with talking to him....Doesn't mean I want him back lol....I say that laughing because I'm a strong person and have come along way but I'm also a caring person that will be there....But he will NEVER come in a hurt us EVER again that I'm so proud to say with my head high....I'm just closing the book of that chapter of my life....As far as my friend....I'm just trying to come to grips with everything.....I made some mistakes yes that I'm not proud of and I was completly childish and immature but I feel she was also so that is why like I said one day I will talk face to face just right now I need time.....Hope I made sense lol....I know you care and I didn't take it as harsh but I'm just concentrating on me and my family for now....
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
16 Mar 10
Hi Hatley Sweet it has gone beyond repair now Sweetie you need to get this sorted as soon as possible because otherwise you both will not go on with Life, so please try I am in the middle here but telling you both what the best thing is for both of you
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Mar 10
Ok well if you believe what you said and I quote "But I strongly believe that what is in a marriage stays in a marriage" then why did you try to come in between your friend and her husband out of spite? It sounds to me that what Gabs said is true that it is over and beyond repair, I think that the damage has already been done by the few mistakes you said that you had made. A BIG thing in any friendship or relationship is trust and forgiveness and if you have proven to your friend that she can't forgive you, that she can't trust you, and that you have betrayed her, and she has done all of the work recently trying to talk on the phone and meet but you wanted no part of it then just pull the plug on it and be done with it and quit saying you will talk to her eventually when you know you probably won't!
2 people like this
• Canada
17 Mar 10
I was angry and upset even tho I was fine in the beginning of my ex moving in but I was not fine with long term plans yes he chose to run there but my feelings were that was someone else in our marriage....Not by her fault or anyones but his but that is how I felt.....Things that were told to me were supposed to be him not that I didn't appreciate it but I've waited almost 2 years to hear half of it to close the book on the chapter of my life and it's getting closed real soon....My friend before what I did and I was angry and hurt and upset and yes I was wrong....I can't go back and change it but she couldn't even forgive me before that or talk to me on the phone...Yes she has offered in a few days but still said she wasn't sure if she was completly ready....I've made some mistakes i'm not proud of....Everyone does and everyone talks about everyone behind someones back at one point in time.....I'm just moving forward now for me and my kids......
2 people like this
• Canada
17 Mar 10
I agree whole heartedly that you should of heard the things he said about you behind your back from him, but maybe your friend knew that he would either lie about it, twist it, or "forget" to mention it so I think it was comendable of your friend to tell you because she really didn't need to! Hopefully you do get the answers from him one day and you can move on with your life. Good Luck! Hope it all works out for you ;)
2 people like this
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Yes I appreciated that she told me don't get me wrong just at the time I guess I was just so upset over everything it was hard to process....I hope he tells me one day he may or may not....But at least he is taking responsibilty now and for him that is huge.
@AmbiePam (51165)
• United States
16 Mar 10
Hon, I think you're handling this the best you can. You've got a huge load on your shoulders. Try not to be too hard on yourself, okay?
2 people like this
• Canada
17 Mar 10
I'm trying so hard not to hun and thanks hugzzz and love....
@Hatley (164232)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Mar 10
hi blueangel sometimes one just needs a cooling off time when you and a friend are on the outs. It seemslike the more one says, the worse it c an become so sometimes the best thing is to just back off for awhile. I think that the telling of things about the man you loved hurt too much and even though she was your friend what she told you hurt a lot and she was the one bringing the hurt.So right now I think you are wise to think of yourself, relax and unstress yourself. later you and your friend may be able to handle things better.
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Mar 10
I couldn't agree with you more Hatley yes hearing what I did about a few things hurt me a great deal hearing it from my friend especially with everything that has happened....I know he talked about me behind my back when he was angry upset or what have you I've done the same thing I could care less about that to be honest....But I also believe I deserve to have the chance to talk to him myself and hear this stuff from him....If I do I do if I don't I don't....But he is slowly starting to take responsibilty......Thanks for your response.
@machivado (529)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 10
I guess it's true that when someone gets sick with his/her own mistakes then he/she won't really mind their mistakes as well. Maybe they have realized that to keep moving is a better option than to stop and regret things.
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Yes it's is learning from ones mistakes I believe that makes us a better person....I'm the one who made the mistakes and I'm learning from them just have so much going on in my life right now trying to process it all thanks for your response and happymylotting.