Enough is enough is enough......I'm a strong person I'm tired..........
By BlueAngelRS
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
Canada
March 16, 2010 9:51pm CST
I feel the need to start this discussion just to let out some of my feelings on everything......I'm sorry in advance if it ties into other discussions I've started but I need to say this for myself and for my friends here in mylot who have been there and have helped me through this time....
I have closed the door to a 20 year friendship or over......I'm really hurt deep inside because of it because of what we have been through....I know that I didn't talk face to face but I feel that if it's already over then why drag it on any longer.....I'm moving on for me and my kids only no matter what they are the most important people in my life other then family and close friends....My dad is leaving tomorrow and I'm trying not to loose it here....My daughter seen all the boxes today at Grandpas and started to cry so it's going to be a difficult time to get her through the transition of Grandpa moving.....
I loved my ex husband with all my being the night we lost our third born together he was ausome and I fell more in love with him.....I've discovered recently we may have lasted if we had not taken the anger of our babies death out on one another....Yes we had our problems before that but we always seemed to work it out and our anger esculated that....But as far as the point I'm at in my life right now I want my ANSWERS nothing more....I will be a friend but a distant friend I've told him I don't trust him he has taken all of that away and I can't promise that it will ever come back and today I added if down the road he realizes his feelings and tries to get me back I can't and won't EVER take him back I can't risk a broken heart I can't I just won't put my kids and myself through that....If he wants to try and play me and get me then all the power too him and let him try but as far as my kids are concerned he better not try.....Thanks for listening to me ramble....
HappyMylotting.....
3 people like this
5 responses
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
17 Mar 10
I might have missed reading your previous discussion.. but no matter what it is, do take extra care of yourself and if talking doesn't help anymore.. and counseling..perhaps a few moments apart might be good. But is this move permanent?? Has he stopped you then?
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
The move is permanent he was offered a higher position in the same company he works now away from here....I'm happy for him we just got used to having him live so close I guess but we will all be fine....
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
19 Mar 10
Yes we can visit with my dad and the kids Grandpa which isn't all that bad just won't be as much or as often as when he lived a few blocks away we went over often and he came here often so we all miss him.....It's sinking in that he in another place 2 hours away....I'm going to be starting on the cleaning of his old apartment today so it will hit even more....
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Hugzzz dawn if you need anything or a friend to talk to I'm here and yes I'm doing what is right for me and my kids....
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Yes so true and your very welcome......I know of anxiety I suffer from it as well....Good Luck!
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Mar 10
Thanks, it's all very confusing right now, will he won't he, how much longer do I have to live with this, how many more chances. But for right now we've got a truce going on. Our daughter is suffering from anxiety and we need to get her better.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
17 Mar 10
Hi, BlueAngelRS. I am very sorry that you are feeling this way. It is sad that a 20 year relationship has to go down the drain. If you feel this man is not right then you will have to do what is best for you and your family both. I hope that as you move on with your life that you can meet better people.
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Yes it is sad that I lost my best friend of 20 years.....She and I have been through alot....My ex husband I've also known him for 20 years so I know how he was and what to watch out for it's just a difficult situation to let sink in....
@Bearballew (1148)
• United States
17 Mar 10
In my experience when in friendship with someone making this tough of a choice, I always recommend writing it down. Do not apologize for letting your feelings flow. Seeing it on paper will help you be more resolved when the conversations and emails start with him. The next step might be to write downt hings you would like to say to him, or things you can say when he does call or email you.
Protection is okay, just don't let it get into bitterness and jaggedness. Be open, as you change, to the fact he might be changing as well. You may never be together again, and you seem okay with that... for now. Be who you need to be for now and realize that who you are today will not be who you are in a few years or decades. We all change with time, experiences and wrinkles. :*)
You are brave and bold and thank you for sharing with us your struggle. Everyone is important. Your kids are important too. Remember to allow them to feel what they need to feel to process all this. Feelings are ok, no matter what they are. It's what we DO with our feelings that can lead to destruction. Allow them to be kids and feel differently about all this than you. Love them and stay consistant and honest with them. You can always write letters to Grandpa! It's a good way to experience life together from a distance...and you'll cherish those letters when your Dad is gone.
Chin up. I hear the sun might shine tomorrow!
Bear
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Thanks for your response and for all the kindness.....We have unlimited long distance both my Dad and myself so we will be contacting alot....My son is 16 and can write letters but my 3 year old be easier to hear his voice I think she seems to be ok today it's not hitting her like it was yesterday.....HappyMylotting and God Bless....
@yresh12 (3212)
• Philippines
17 Mar 10
Is that a relief or what? I can really feel your pain base on just what you told us. I know that it would be hard not having a partner to get through all this, but think of it as this Having a partner but it's like you don't have one at all. It's much better it ended this way. I hope you could start over again. I know your a strong person, you chose what's good for your children despite the way you still feel about him. The best of luck and I know you could do this...
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
Yes it is what is best for my kids and I not to have my ex husband here....It was too much.....But I will be his friend but on my toes and on guard in a matter of speaking....Thanks for your response.....
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
17 Mar 10
I'm on guard with my ex husband that is for sure....He fooled me once not again....Take Care!!!
