The Man that screwed my life.
By jrocas05
@jrocas05 (114)
Philippines
March 23, 2010 9:27pm CST
not long ago I was adored by my father and I adored him. He was like a hero to me after I found out that he was planning to runaway with someone, took all our money while my mother was working far away from home. He left s nothing. Only corrupt childhood, wasted opportunities and a chance to give us normal and happy family.
I stood up to be the parents of my younger siblings...
After years of struggle and pain, We grew up to be better people. My brothers grew into a man my father never was. Finally, we were happy.
Last month, he called us, he was asking for financial assistance. He demanded that we helped him with his sickness like we just seen each other yesterday.
I was shocked and didn't know what to feel.
They said I should talk to him cause he is still my father. But I think I can stay sane if I don't see him at all, or ever.
What do you think I should do?
4 people like this
15 responses
@momjessie82 (344)
• United States
24 Mar 10
This is a difficult situation. The only one that can make the final decision is you. Yes, your father left you with nothing. I can completely understand your anger and not wanting anything to do with him. For him to come to you now and demand that you help him is not right at all in my eyes. He didn't care if you survived or not when he left you with nothing at all. For me personally, I would have a very hard time helping him and just letting him back into my life after the things that he has done. I do not think that you are obligated to help him even though he is your father. He did not help you and chose to abandon you. I think that he now has to live with those decisions and the consequences of his actions. However, as I said, in the end the final decision is one that only you can make.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
hello jr,
It's a normal feeling that you had felt right now.
It is becoz,you had the hatred lived in your heart for years.
Unknowingly,that hatred and pain gives you challenge and inspiration to achieve who you are now.
Thu your father caused you pain,he is still your father.
If you will not forgive him,you are as bad as him then.
Don't get me wrong my friend...but,to live with peace in our heart will give you definite joy.
Forgive your father,and show him love...it will give him lesson he won't forget for the rest of his life.
Have a good day always 
@preethaanju (3000)
• India
24 Mar 10
dont give him 1 penny. He wants the best of both worlds. These people must be taught a lesson else they will not understand the pain... just ignore him. By merely giving birth one doesnt become a father. he has to discharge his duties..
@jrocas05 (114)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
Yea I thought of that also. to be a father you must live like one and not just let it be a title.
Before he left us, he was a good man and a father. I really don't know what happened. He told me that he doesn't need to explain cause I am just a kid and he is a Man. Didn't undertand that until now.
Thank you for commenting preethaanju.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
It's very easy for me to say go forgive him but this is not really the case. You would have to answer that question yourself. If i am in your position, i would defenitely refuse. it's a given that parents forgive their children more than the other way around. If a son or daughter run away and in a few years return to their parents to ask forgiveness, waht do you think the parent would do? You just mentioned that you become a parent when you father left. That's my hint to you.
@jrocas05 (114)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
I haven't thought of it on that perpective. I'm thankful that you told me this. I have done wrong decisions in my life and blamed it on my father. The result of that mistakes were forgiven all over again by my mom and my step-dad and God of course. Although, my biological father will not forgive me if it's the other way around but my mom and step-dad will. My decision will be inspired by this and most of all my mom and step-dad. Thank you.
@myzire72 (1154)
• Singapore
24 Mar 10
I am sorry to hear about your bitter childhood. It was a mistake that your father shouldn't have committed. Anyway, what's done cannot be undone. Well, jrocas05, no one can really advise you on what to do. Afterall, you know your situation best. Discuss with your siblings about it and make a decision from there.
@jrocas05 (114)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
Thank you. We talked about it. We had different opinions about it. My younger brother went to see him just to do the right thing I guess. He said he hasn't change and I think the effect was for the best in the case of my brother. I don't know If it will be the same for me though.
@achilles2010 (3051)
• India
24 Mar 10
jrocas I can see neither you nor your brothers are not like your father. You have grown into better human beings. Your father's irresponsible action in a way has helped you to know how to struggle in life. In one way, it has helped you all to grow into better persons in life. Nothing happens in this world unless God has willed it. None of us knows what plans he has for us. Your father did something according to his nature. He did what was expected of him. Now you do things according to your nature. You do what is expected out of you. Do not answer an insult with insult. Do a good turn. Give your father a chance to repent. If you do not help him, maybe he would think that he did the right thing by leaving you all in a lurch. However, if you help him he would repent. That would be the biggest punishment for him.
@jrocas05 (114)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
Why would he think that leaving your own kids was right? YOung kids, I was 10, my brothers were 3 years and 6 years younger than me then? No food, no money, left with strangers that hurted us physically? Why would anyone think that it was right If we suddenly have doubts on helping him?
If he thinks that way, maybe it is right to doubt on helping him.
I will agree if you say there's no requirements on helping someone in need but there's also no requirements to repent if you know you did something really wrong.
You must be humble enough to admit your mistakes and not ask for something first.
This man never apologized to us. Ever. Never admitted he was wrong. Even the day that he called. I think I am allowed to feel this pain again. To doubt. I made my peace with God about this a long time ago. I Surrendered my anger and pain. And I am afraid that If I see him I might just go back to that. I feel sorry for him for being sick, I thought that maybe he doesn't know better. I don't think I must be the one to help him. He must help himself. Don't you think?
I read a verse yesterday on corinthians 2:15 "The spiritual man makes judments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment."
@shaggin (71671)
• United States
25 Mar 10
Someday you may be able to forgive him but I can understand if you cant. Right now I am not speaking to my sister and I dont care if I talk to her again or not so I understand. She didnt do anything to me like your father did but she back stabbed me over and over again and I'm done with her. I cant believe a parent would do that to his family then turn around and beg for money and act like the family that he deserted owes him something. Thats crazy. Thats karma. If he needs money oh well now he can go through what the family he left behind went through.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Mar 10
Totally up to you to decide what you can and cannot live with. He is the one who broke the relationship with you and only showed back up in your life when he needed something. If you can live with your decision not to talk to him, that's perfectly acceptable under the circumstances.
@ip5217 (1655)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
The opportunity to live, with your father used by God as the instrument, is enough reason why you should help him. Those unfortunate events in the past happened for everyone to learn their lesson; that, you his children should grow up as responsible individuals because you have no one to depend to but yourselves, and your father to realize someday that running away wasn't a wise decision at all.
@crysontherocks77 (1273)
• United States
24 Mar 10
Personally, talk to him and listen to what he has to say. You don't have to agree to what he wants and you don't have to go at the same time. If you feel you have made peace with the person you claim as your father then you shouldn't really be worrying over this as much as you say you are. Not trying to be a bit** about it but I care for my grandmothers well being that doesn't mean I have to b there to take care of her because she is sick for what she has done over the years to so many people. She has hurt and lied to so many that in my eyes she is getting what she deserves. I went by and seen her and did tell her I loved her but I was still not agreeing to her being right about the past or the present situations or issues. I said my peace with the woman and I have nothing more to say to her. I don't worry about it because her judgement is coming soon enough. I told her as her grand daughter I still loved her and I gave her a hug and that's all I done. It's up to you to decide what to do but if you are at peace with it you shouldn't be struggling with it this much.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
24 Mar 10
To start off with, he understands if you can't talk with him it seems. What you can do is to think that theres a whole lot more in this world to hate than your father. If you have difficulty talking to him, at least try to see him and let him hug his child. He may miss you so much now.
@bavneet (127)
• India
24 Mar 10
i don't think help this kind of person is a good thing who spoil your life who give you a corrupt childhood i don't think it is a good deal to help them if i were you i will never help him but rest is on you before any thing that if they do some previous act and take your all money then what you do.
@epsjoice (57)
• United States
24 Mar 10
I do not agree. I do not think you owe him anything. He obviously is a user that uses up everything that he takes from someone and then moves on to the next victim. Just because he is your biological father doesn't mean he was ever a father to you. He chose to leave you, and leave you with nothing I might add. He didn't give a second thought to it or you would have heard from him before this. If he gets something out of you now, he will be back again wanting more. You owe him nothing. I would give him the same brush off he gave you, your mother, and your brothers years ago.
@arcideaco (1257)
• Singapore
24 Mar 10
I think I am somewhat in the same situation as you. I helped because I feel obligated to. Just follow your heart. If you think you should, you probably wants to help.
Cheers.
