Religious Jokes?
By matersfish
@matersfish (6306)
United States
March 24, 2010 5:46am CST
Hey peeps,
First off, I'm not out to offend. I just want to know your best or favorite religious joke(s)!
That's a righteous request, right?
My brother just told me an old one, and that got me to thinking about the best one I've ever heard.
In a bar I used to work at back in my manual labor days, we were holding a contest: Drink for free if you have the best original joke!
Well, 99.9% of the people thought this one particular joke was corny, but for some reason, I almost died laughing.
"A priest walks down to the river to go fishing but sees that the river is flooded...
...Goddammit!"
Ah, yeah, nobody likes it but me! I guess you had to be there and had to see the disappointment on this guy's face when he gave the shortest punchline in joke history.
Tell me some good religious jokes if you got any! Don't be afraid. Your particular god will understand and won't damn you... hopefully!
Ah, yeah, nobody likes it but me! I guess you had to be there and had to see the disappointment on this guy's face when he gave the shortest punchline in joke history.
Tell me some good religious jokes if you got any! Don't be afraid. Your particular god will understand and won't damn you... hopefully!1 person likes this
3 responses
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
24 Mar 10
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing how they apportioned the money from the collection after services.
The minister said "I toss the collection plate up into the air. Whatever lands behind the pulpit, I keep for my expenses and the rest I donate to God's work."
The priest said "I have a small carpet in the rectory. I stand in the middle of the carpet and throw the money into the air. Whatever lands on the carpet is mine, the rest belongs to God's church."
The rabbi shrugged and said "Well, I, too, throw the money up into the air. But I figure, whatever God wants, He'll take".
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
25 Mar 10
Well, lest anyone accuse me of bias, the order of the religions and/or the persons involved can be switched around and it does no damage to the punchline. But I realized I knew a better joke and need to share that here.
A young couple are tragically killed before their wedding. When they arrive in heaven, they ask St Peter if they might get married up there, since they missed their chance on Earth. St Peter looks puzzled, scratches his chin and tells them that they will review the case. "Come back in 5 years. If you still feel the same way, we'll see about it".
The couple returns to St Peter after 5 years time and tells him that they still want to get married. He tells them that things don't go the same way in heaven, and there's no hurry. "Come back in 5 years. If you still feel the same way, we'll see about it".
5 more years pass and the couple returns to St Peter with the same request. This time he grants it and they are married. However, after they marry, differences arise and after only a few years of matrimony, they decide it is not what they want.
They return to St Peter and explain that they were wrong about being married and now they would like a divorce. St Peter looks at them in disbelief.
"What? It took us 10 years to find a MINISTER in heaven and NOW you want a LAWYER?!?!?!?!?
@matersfish (6306)
• United States
25 Mar 10
So a little greedy, greedier and greediest. Me likey! 
1 person likes this
@ladycharm421 (59)
• Philippines
24 Apr 10
I really laughed at your joke JerusalemFolk. This is the first time I heard this joke.
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
24 Mar 10
This one is really old but I still find it funny!
Two nuns were visiting the US from Italy and the first thing they wanted to try was an American hot dog. The saw a street vendor and each bought a hot dog. The older nun looked at her hot dog with amazement and said to the younger nuns with disgust "heavens above which part of the dog did you get"?
@matersfish (6306)
• United States
25 Mar 10
I've never heard that one. I wonder if the nurse enjoyed it? 
@headhunter525 (3548)
• India
24 Mar 10
Many Christians normally called each other brother and sister. In some groups calling each other by name is very uncommon. On one occasion one lady delivered a baby girl. The priest announced in the church to the members like this: "Praise God! Sister has delivered a sister'.
@matersfish (6306)
• United States
24 Mar 10
In the US South, we call that keepin' it in the family!
