ME vs MY GIRLFRIENDS DAD! please help.

Philippines
March 31, 2010 7:19am CST
I feel so down now. Please tel me what to do. My girlfriend's father keeps on doing things that would break my relationship with his daughter. I hate to tell him that I have had enough of what he is doing because I wanted to gain and maintain the respect that I have for him. He always makes reasons that would stop his daughter from seeing me. I don't want to break up with my girlfriend. I love his daughter so much. Actually his daughter was my first girl that I have ever loved and the first girl that got my virginity. I'm so scared of the breaking up things. I'm only 20 years old same as my girlfriend. I don't want this relationship to end up with nothing. PLEASE HELP!! Please suggest me the most effective and good decision that would let him know and let me and his daughter have a good relationship until we graduate college.
1 person likes this
17 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
31 Mar 10
Hi jmservese, I don't understand. Just why does he feel the need to break the two of you up? If you both love each other then you have to both convince him that you are good for his daughter. Is he afraid that seeing you distracts her from her studies? If that is it then the best way to reassure him that it won't is for her to keep her grades up.
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
No im not distracting his daughter from her studies. In fact I was the one pushing convincing more to my girlfriend that she has to finish her studies to prove to her dad that even with boyfriend she can finish her studies. please advice
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
31 Mar 10
Could it be that she is slacking some and he is misunderstanding the situation and blaming you? Are there other reasons that he doesn't want you to be with his daughter? I am a parent that does not feel it is my place to dictate to my girls whom they can and can't see. I think that interfering with matters of the heart never has positive results for anyone. You sound like a decent guy. Maybe he just hasn't had enough time to get to know you. Maybe you could set up a time when the two of you could sit and talk man to man??
@kharlav (1669)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
I would suggest that you confront her father and talk to him about your feelings for his daughter and how serious you are with her, and that he has nothing to worry about. And tell him that you know that he loves your daughter very much and he will do everything to protect her; and maybe say, "that's why i look up to you because you're not like other fathers who don't care about their children, etc..." make him feel good. Dont tell him that you notice his actions just confront him about your intentions and tell him things about him that would make him feel good. I hope it will help.
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
I already did things that would make them be proud of me. But still her father's heart is out of my coverage. I'm having a big problem with him now. Please help.
@kharlav (1669)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
I think and i believe that her father is just so protective of her.. SOme fathers are like that, just like my dad. But i suggest that you wont give up; through that, her father would really see how much you love her. I know sooner or later they'd learn to accept you and get used to your presence. Just don't give up. ok? Just don't mind what they're saying or how they're acting in front of you. Just continue to love you girlfriend because in the end of the day, it will be your relationship that matters most.
@grayxenon (1313)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
you must be persistent, show to him that nothing can stand on the way between you and your girl, not even him dads are naturally protective because at one time in their heydays (teens usually) they at some point made or treated girls not seriously. are you stable (i mean financial) this is so important to them as they see to it that their lovely daughter be secured as possible, someday when you become a dad to a girl you would understand, their over-protectiveness sometimes is just an assurance that their little girl would get the best she deserves.
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
I don't know, the old man is over protected to his daughter... And I just hate the fact that his like that.
@eileenleyva (27567)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
Uh oh! Have we got our lions crossed here? You don't want to lose the girl because she had taken your virginity? Was she a virgin, too? Whatever. But if I was the father, I would have gotten rid of you sooner. You think fathers don't know what boys had been doing to their daughters? Think again. And before you mope about your lost virginity, were you man enough to be responsible for the consequences of your actions? Gosh, we did have our lions crossed!
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
thanks for the advice maam. I understand you. Thank you so much. But what I needed was positive suggestion that would help me build the confidence of seeing her dad not being rude to me. Thanks. I appreciate it.
• United States
31 Mar 10
Your situation is a tough one, for you as well as your girlfriend. You didn't mention how your girlfriend feels about the situation? I have been in the same spot as your girlfriend with an ex-boyfriend who my parents didn't like and it was very stressful. I am very close to my family and felt as if I was constantly put in the middle. In my case, my parents had very good reason to not like my ex and eventually I came to the same conclusion myself and ended it. It sounds, though, like you love your girlfriend and wouldn't hurt her at all. I think that it is very important not to put your girlfriend in a position where she has to choose between you and her family. I think that being confrontational with her father might force her to do that. If he is truly just being overprotective (as dads can be with their "little girls"), it would be best to be understanding and compassionate towards him for that. Maybe write him a letter and let him know how much you love his daughter and that you would never hurt her. Show him some examples of how you treat her and how she deserves to be treated. I think he just wants to know his little girl is happy and safe with you. Unless, he is taking negative action against you, I think it would be best to continue to be nonconfrontational and respectful. He may be baiting you. Talk to your girlfriend to see how she feels about the situation. If your relationship is going to last, you will need to face your problems together with a united front. If a confrontation becomes necessary, it may be better for her to handle it and speak up on your behalf. Remember, it is very hard to let our children grow up and move on with their lives. They've been ours for so long!
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
yah sorry for not mentioning baout my girlfriend's feeling about the situation. As I how I see my girlfriend right now I think she is having very hard time understanding about the situation we have. We are from the philippines and by just now she told me that the final decision of her dad is to let her go home. Which means she's going home to California, and I don't know if there may be possible time that I can see and contact her before she live the Philippines because as of the time being her dad never allows her to see me and even go out of their house.
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
fight for your girl don't mind what is he saying all about the most important is you have each other...go fight for her
@rushmee (605)
• India
1 Apr 10
so sorry to hear about that. listen... aclm down, sit ack and think about what makes her dad so adamant when it comes to you. there mustbe some reason?? do u guys study together? then, meeting shudn't be a problem. i think her father must be worried that she's too young for a relationship, or perhaps he dsnt carry a good image of yours, which is very common in such cases. i think u jus need to find out the reaosn why he dsnt want u both to be together. once u kn the reason behind it, you can work over it to get things rectified. if, in case, he dsnt trust her daugter to go out, then she will hav to give it a heed and prove herself to be mature, grown-up and responsible enough to differentiate between right and wrong. perhaps, then, he'll be ok with it and accepting u to be wid her best of luck to you in your life, i wish u life full of love !!!!!
@lyzabelle (1668)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
I have been in the situation like yours in the past when my father just don't like the guy I'm dating...he disliked him very much and it's creating a strain in our father and daughter relationship and when it comes to the point that we no longer speak to each other in a pleasant manner. And it really saddened me because I love my father very much as much as I love my boyfriend. My father does have the right reason why because he is just protecting me from making a mistake or making a fool out of myself. My boyfriend is not the honest guy ever born in to this planet. e got reputation of being a womanizer but because I love him very much i trusted him with all my heart with the hope that he will stay true and devoted to me. I do believed that he had the capability to change for me for the better. So you see...my father don't really trust him at all and that's very hard and no matter how much I tried he wouldn't budge from his opinion that my boyfriend is not the right one for me. He is just being protected of me being his daughter and I understand that very well. In your case...if you really is sincere with the love you had for your girlfriend then go on...don't let her father stop you from loving her. The right time will come along when his father will come to accept you in his own right time...just don't force yourself on him to like you. Just let things happen in the normal way. P.S. My boyfriend find another girl to fool around and he leaves me crying for more than one month. So...I guess my father is right.
@daliaj (5674)
• India
1 Apr 10
I thing the first thing you should do is to tell your girl friend how much you love her and you are looking forward to have an everlasting relationship with her. Also, present the fact that the deeds of her father irritates you. You should present it in such a way that she won't feel bad about it. She will keep that in mind and help you to avoid the problems her dad creates.
• India
31 Mar 10
how is this possible.you will marry now.
@joan2010 (45)
• China
1 Apr 10
Do you ever try to understand the reasona her father want to break you relationship and his daughter.mabe you are too young or your ability to let her daughter lead a good life ...You should find out why he does't like,only you know the reasons you can improve your relationship and her father.Show your love and persistence,honesty... Once he know you and like you ,you will not stop his daughter from seeing you.Good luck.
• United States
1 Apr 10
They said: Love always find a way, it can even move mountain if it's meant to be.! We all know that father's are really protective to their daughter. have you tried to talk to him like " man to man "? why don't you make friend with him? I know this is really hard on your part since he don't like you for a reason. You should know what is the reason or what is his problem to you! Now if you found out what's his problem on you or why he doesn't want you for his daughter. then from there you can decide what to do.! you are 20 yr. old so probably your girlfriend is younger than you, right? maybe what he want is make your life both stable. Does both of your family know each other?if so, is there any family conflict between here? maybe he's expecting both of you to finish your college, find a good job and then I am sure he will gave you a blessing to have his daughter but for the meantime maybe he is doing it because he is afraid his daughter will get pregnant! while in school and this stop their dream for her! But if you truly love each other you will hold on to each other until your finish study and make your life stable. so try to talk to him and figure out.
@DuyenN (68)
• Canada
1 Apr 10
Perhaps you should try to be a little bit more patient. I don't know how long you guys have been going out for but in most cases, the parents of the girlfriends are more protective than the parents of the boyfriends. Do not let this faze you and perhaps let the father have his way once in a way. Go his pace. Maybe he's not ready to see his daughter loving someone, especially during the college age. Try not to make her get in trouble with her father. Eventually he will see that you're trying and you respect him to the point that you'll do things his pace. Don't be scared. That's what he wants of you. Show him that you're able to stand up and go the full way into this commitment. I hope this helps.
@werty009 (404)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
dude im only 18 but i had couple of relationships well man the point is you really love the girl so why let go?..just don't,Don't let go of her just because his father don't like you man that's stupidity and your are scared so just don't do it.next man is you love the girl so even if his father to stop seeing you or something the girl won't do that because she loves you same thing you do man just relax be calm i know it's irritating but the key is patience because you already survive it so why let go right now just take it slow and you'll earn the respect of his father,next is even she got your virginity or even though she will not get you virgin the fact is you love each other so why think of the "V Thing" don't because love is not just only that, you feel a happy feeling dude don't scratch the relationship you both build in each others side just be patience is just the key.
• Argentina
31 Mar 10
First of all, Hi buddy. Well, I think you should face him and ask him why he is doing that. Confrontation, but, take it easy, just relax and try to deal with him. Discuss your situation and the problem itself and be persistent. If you really love her, you will do ANYTHING. But try to make him understand why you and your girlfriend should be together, and that you will never do anything to hurt her. He should understand someway. But you must talk and clear things.
@jinjer168 (1596)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
What you can do is to study even harder, his dad was like that because even if you're both 20 years of age you are still young to enter a very serious relationship. It's nice to be in love and i believe that you are both in love with each other but love is not the only thing that matters. We're living in the world that requires too much in order for us to survive. Financial matters really is vital and you just couldn't built a family without a work, your future family will suffer. Just be with your girl no matter what, true love can wait and can stand the test of time, pursue your studies, and when you finally worked and earned his father will set you both free, rest assured of that. You are still single that's why it's hard for you to understand this things, but if you are already a father, you will understand your gf's dad for sure.
• Sweden
31 Mar 10
uhm normally father is so protective to thier daughter esp. if its still studying. because they think that child can focus on her life first or their career. my advise is ignore her father anyway. just prove to him that you really love his daughter.and show also that you focus and your career also . so he realize that oneday that his daughter is in a good man.