Would you call me SELFISH?

By dee
@yresh12 (3217)
Philippines
April 1, 2010 2:58pm CST
I'm helping out my family and giving some of my earnings to my family.... Am I selfish to want to buy the things I like? It's really expensive though and my mom keeps on telling me not to buy it because it's a waste of money.... I like to buy things that makes me happy. Just this pc for example. Now am planning to buy a new phone or a dvd. They are stopping me... I know that they are just being practical. I want to fulfill my needs to... Am I selfish?
5 people like this
42 responses
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
3 Apr 10
Our cultures are different. What is selfish here, may not be there. Or what is not selfish here, may be selfish there. In my family, we have a saying that says: "as long as you live under my roof, eating my food, you live by my rules" What that means is, as long as I lived under my parents, my parents made the rules. So if they said I can't buy something, I can't buy something, because I live under their house. They pay for the food, they pay for the house, they pay for the electricity, the internet, everything. Now as soon as I moved out, and I paid for my own place, my own food, my own electricity, my own bills... well... then I can do what I want, buy what I want, and so on. Now I don't know if you are selfish. No idea. But in my family, if you live at home, you obey the 'owner of the home's rules. You see? Just as my kids will obey my rules for as long as they live under my roof. When they move out, it's all them. But until then, what I say goes.
1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
I see. In our house, we have rules. We don't have rules like that though. As long as your in the house, you can do whatever you want as long as its not bad.Do things with limitations. If your still staying with your family.. Share what you have to everyone. It's like somewhat and how I see it too.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Well I moved out from my parents when I was 20. I'm now 32, so that was 12 years ago. Nevertheless, when I did live there, whatever my father said, goes. Now he never told me not to buy things. Instead he said I had to save. As long as I saved money, and paid any of my bills, I could buy nearly anything with money I had left over. But the point is, if my father did tell me not to buy anything, then that would be the end of it. I can't buy anything, the end. He's in charge, because I'm living in his house. Gives you motivation to move out, yes? :)
1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
4 Apr 10
I see.. You close with your dad? He really gives the rules. What will happen if you don't follow?/
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
4 Apr 10
No, I don't think you are selfish at all. People have their own needs, and it varies individually. You work hard to get your money and you do deserve a reward for yourself and your sanity.
1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
4 Apr 10
Thank you for posting and dropping by to share your views! Yeah we all have our needs and we need to reward ourself for it to be motivated to do good and work harder.
1 person likes this
@myzire72 (1157)
• Singapore
3 Apr 10
I don't think it's selfish of you to buy the things you want for yourself. Anyway, I believe the things that you buy do not eat into the money that you give your family, am I right? Your mum has her reason for nagging at you. She doesn't want you to be a spendthrift, and would rather you save the money. Afterall, the money is yours. You are already not selfish by giving your family money.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
Hello myzire! thank you so much for that. I know that everything are of good intentions. I just get hurt a times...
1 person likes this
@annierose (18949)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
hi yresh, I understand you because I had been to such a situation before. It is such a sad thing that although we are earning the fruits of our labor, still we cannot use it to fulfill all our wants. I belong to an average family. Although, a teacher must be compensated very well from her works, mine was so unfair. I work so much on the school but I get very low salary. Sometimes, after the hard days work, I want to unwind and go shopping with what I earned by my mom won't allow me to do such. I want to buy something for me which, yes, not that important, and mom won't allow me. I got this bad feelings that why can't I enjoyed the fruit of my hard work. Mom tried to explain but I still feel it is unfair. Then, one day, I got sick. Mom spend a lot of money for me to get well. She explained to me afterwards, that she is not allowing me to spend my money to buy such unnecessary things because she is saving my money for more important purpose. She told me that my earnings is not that big and we must be practical. She further told me that once I got a good earnings then I can buy what I want. But as of now, we must be wise in spending what we have.
1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
Thank you so much for that annie. I know that what she is trying to say makes sense and she is just trying to help me out..
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6543)
• United States
3 Apr 10
As long as you can help your family and do what you want with the money you work for there shouldnt be a problem. I dont think you are selfish. Hopefully you are not the only one helping the family. The things you want for yourself can be saved for. All good thing are worth waiting for.
1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
hey jd.. Thanks for droppin' and sharing your views...
1 person likes this
@basqui (3890)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
Well, if you are earning for yourself then it's just okay to spend some for yourself. Provided that you are giving them some then they should not question how you spend your earnings, well you earned it yourself.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
I know that's what I'm trying to tell them. There my parents and I know there just concerned of how I handle my money. thank you so much for droppin' and sharing your thoughtS!
@basqui (3890)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
Well, of course they are parents and they know how money is hard earned because they have been there. It's up to you to decide for that. Maybe save more for today if you have more resources still for now.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
No savings for now. I always don't. I think I'm going to when my pay comes..
@SomeCowgirl (32255)
• United States
1 Apr 10
I do not think you are selfish and I doubt very seriously that they think you are either. You are just wanting to buy something nice for yourself, everyone wants to do that. Why not save a little money at a time and then buy the item instead of using the money you have now. You'll be saving for it so it will show you really want it.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
Saving a bit scg.. can't do that much now because my salary is not enough sometimes.. if I do have that money I would surely buy it.. mwahx.. Thanks for being so nice and supportive..!
@SomeCowgirl (32255)
• United States
1 Apr 10
No Problem Yresh. I am the same way, I want to spend but we don't really have the money to do so. I'm going to try to get some amazon gift cards though, that way maybe I can get some things hubby and I want and need.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
Amazon gift cards could really help but my problem on that is the shipping thingy because I'll be the one to pay for it. I'm still trying on winster though...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
I don't think you are being selfish. After all, it's still your money. Just make sure that you could still support your family, and you won't be prioritizing other things over your family's need. As I always say to my boyfriend, you work hard for your money, and it's important that you reward yourself for it, and not just use it all for your family. You still need to pamper yourself.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
Yeah rewarding ones self could motivate one to work hard. My family has been an inspiration for me to really work it out and be able to help them as much as I can. I hope that they will understand that I have things that I like as well.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
Yeah rewarding ones self could motivate one to work hard. My family has been an inspiration for me to really work it out and be able to help them as much as I can. I hope that they will understand that I have things that I like as well.
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
I think in the end, they will eventually understand. If you can just prove to them, but you buying the stuff you like won't take away any of the help that you are giving them.
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
5 Apr 10
No you're not being selfish. If you live on your own and support yourself with your income, why not buy the things YOU want? You deserve it. Mylot ate the response I had written originally so I'll just leave it at that. They don't have the right to claim you are being selfish. You have apparently chosen to help them out of the kindness of your heart, and maybe because they are your family. You are not OBLIGATED to help them, and they have no right to tell you how or what to spend your money on. Do you tell them how or what to spend THEIR money on? No? I rest my case.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
Hey mommyboo! We are brought up to help each other.. Your right I don't have to. Am still living with them and I have no choice but go through it.. I think that it's really time for me to live on my own but I can't leave them yet because I know they still need me.
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
5 Apr 10
Ah... so you still live at home with them. However, you have your own income. That's YOUR money. They don't get to tell you how to spend or not spend your money, especially if you are sharing your income with them because they need it lol. I have a 2o year old daughter. She no longer lives at home but when she did, if she earned money, I didn't tell her how she could spend it. If she had borrowed money from me, then I expected her to pay me back out of the money she earned FIRST before she spent it on other things, but that's common sense. I didn't deny her the right to spend her earnings how she wished after that.
1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
That's nice to hear mommyboo and that's very practical too.. hmmm I hope I can in the near future maybe..
1 person likes this
1 Apr 10
The way I think if you are working for this money, then its yours to do what you want with it, if your living at home then obviously you should give money to your parents if your working, but this amount should be agreed with your parents, anything left should be your own, maybe your mother is worried about the current work climate, maybe she wants you to save incase something happens to your job, it never hurts to put a little away every month. If your earning the money then its up to you.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
Thanks for the advice. I know,I haven't bought anything yet.. I'm trying to save it for the thing that I like but I think she's doesn't agree with that. She wants to be practical in buying things. I do understand. It's not bad to want the thing you like does it?
• India
2 Apr 10
I have never seen you before and I have not chat with you.I understand the feeling.Don't embress yourself.
2 Apr 10
Its not bad to want anything, I keep a list of things I want, and delete them one by one, I make my money and pay my way so why shouldnt I spend my money on the things I want, go shopping and have fun!!
@dawnald (84069)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Apr 10
No, I don't think you're being selfish. You are helping them out and the rest is your money.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
wetwew! hey dawnW.. Happy to see you post on my discussions.. tenchu!
2 people like this
@dawnald (84069)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Apr 10
OK I give, what does tenchu mean?
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
tenchu? cute way of saying thank you.. I think..
1 person likes this
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
2 Apr 10
Good question, under the circumstances yresh. I do not think that you are being selfish. Practical is good however. There is nothing wrong with saving for a rainy day but if there is something that you want for yourself, for your enjoyment and you have earn money to do so, I'd say go for it. How can anyone stop you? It is your money and ultimately your decision. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but so are you. Do not let others dictate your life and the choices that you make for yourself. If getting a dvd issomething that you will enjoy then I encourage you. Even your family can enjoy the benefits. If you mean a dvd player, the family too can enjoy the benefits as well. If you mean a dvd to watch, such as a movie or documentary, I suggest renting it rather than purchasing, unless it is a collectors. Needs and wants are two different things. It is important to be able to see and know the difference. A phone can be a need but likely a dvd is simply a want. Do you see what I mean? Just choose wisely. Your parents maybe right sometimes so maybe heed warnings when necessary. There is nothing wrong with occasionally fulfilling simple wants sometimes too. We all make a point to pamper ourselves every now and again. Often times we work hard to earn the money we have. By purchasing something that pleases us, even if it is a want, encourages us to continue to work hard so so this is why I said not to let other dictate your life, your choices and your desires. There is nothing wrong with being practical however but there are times when we need to pamper ourselves a little. Think of it as a reward for the hard work done. Once in a while, that can't hurt any. You are not selfish.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
hey evrwnder... Thanks for droppin' by and telling me both sides of how my parents think. I know that they are only thinking for my sake. I know that they are just concerned of how I manage my expenses and I can't really blame them for it. Thank you so much for the advise. I'll surely take note of it.
@EvrWonder (3577)
• Canada
4 Apr 10
You are most welcome. I think it would be hard when others, close to you are giving their opinion on how to handle your money. Even if it is out of concern for your best interest. When my parents do this, or anyone else, I tell them to please leave well enough alone. I never ask my folks for money either. What I have I have and is for me to decide how to disperse it. Sometimes however, I have asked for their advise on bigger purchases and heed their advice for the most part because they are older and therefore wiser than I. Sometimes it is a good idea to listen to our parents.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
4 Apr 10
Yes I know. I do consult them most of the time. I tell them what my plans are that's why they tell me like that. I know it was for my own good.
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
No you are not selfish yresh12. I think it is just fair to at least treat yourself sometimes too... you deserve that once in a while... If you are selfish, you're not gonna hel them at all and put your personal things, wants first before them... Well PC is not actually luxury... for me it is really usefull... new phone... well you can sell your old phone and use the money to upgrade your model... just add some... And DVD, well don'ty you have dvd rom in your computer? heheheheh Well anyways, it is your money... as long as you are helping your family and it is whole heartedly... then it is fine, you are not selfish... Of course we want to see something too from the money we earn... we want to feel and enjoy it sometimes... And it is like "hey I bought this"... like an accomplishment or trophy... for a hard days work...
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
You actually feel me and understand what I'm feeling. I just hope that they should also understand what I feel about this. They just think am being myself again being to materialistic and all. They love me, I know, that's why they are reacting that way. I hope that they would just understand me..
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
Yes I can relate coz my mom is like you too... And I don't see anything bad about it. She deserves reward just like you... Like she always say to us... at least she has some remembrance... I mean money is hard to earn but it can go that fast... at least when you buy something like computer, TV.... you will see them and use them longer... I think it is a matter of budgeting... as long as you don't spend all your money from it... you know your prioritize, you wont find yourself financially problematic after buying the things you want... then is is okay... No problem and no big deal.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
Yeah. It's all for our own good. It's how we accept the truth and how we handle how people try to persuade you on something. Saying some things that could hurt you but we still remain to be good people..
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
2 Apr 10
If you are planning your finances very well, setting aside a portion for the family regular household expenditure, a portion fo compulsory savings, a portion for selfindulgence ,a portion thAT takes care of your tax payments,a portion for emergencies, then you can discuss this rationally wiht your mother that this money for buying things goes from surplus.Now are you in the same house and are you taking care of the whole family? Secondly, any item when bought must be considered form the utility piint of view.If you buy a dvd, then you would have to think how frequently you would use it.A pc is another thing because it would alos help you to earn. Here the broadband connection expenditure should also be taken into account.So, a composite plannig is what is needed before any expenditure.AND, if you are planning to buy somehting in instalments, then it would only be a big expensive item and not a sensible purchase..Once you have thought all about this then you can go ahead and buy.You are not at all being selfish but only sensible.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
That's really sweet of you. Yes, I've talked about this with my mom. She just doesn't understand that, why do I need pretty expensive things when you can buy something cheap. As you said self-indulgence. I think that we need that once in a while right? I know she's just concerned about me. Haven't bought it yet but she's worried on how I spend my money...
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
5 Apr 10
If you are a discerning buyer, look at things from their durability you can convince your mother that buying cheap things may not always be the wise thing.YOu wuld have to pay on maintenance and repair.Quote a kitchen appliance like a mixer, an d elaborate it for her, how a good branded product like Philips works better than an ordinary one..Tell her patiently and rationally and she would understand.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
18 May 10
Hey kalave!!! Yip2x.. I already told her about that. Buying the best brand is the best way to make sure that things could last longer. With that it also comes with higher price when you buy it. I already told her but I guess she's into buying cheap and replacing it often.. hahah
@JJ4Ever (4696)
• United States
1 Apr 10
I don't think anyone is selfish who buys things because they want them. What I think is selfish is when a member of the family goes and does what he or she wants instead of taking care of the family. For instance, I have a friend whose husband was a drunkard. That's all he wanted was another drink. They were doing ok, but eventually she had to start working because her husband no longer provided for her! It's wrong for him to be a drunkard also, but the worst thing is that he wasn't providing for his family. As long as you have the money to afford what you want, go for it. Sounds like you're doing a great job taking care of your family. If you can't afford something big and expensive that you want this month, save up for it and buy it next month or something like that. I think you have a great idea.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
Thanks for that JJ.. Somebody called me selfish here. It's really how people see it and how they judge you. I think that drunkard is pretty bad doing things like that. Now they are in a problem his wife has been doing the job that he's suppose to be doing...
@JJ4Ever (4696)
• United States
2 Apr 10
You're exactly right. His wife (at the time - they are now divorced) was forced to get a job and support the household, which thank goodness was just him and her - no kids. That was her choice not to have kids because she wanted to protect herself and them.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
3 Apr 10
I see.. That's very sad to hear jj.. In our country we don't have divorce here. That's sounds very depressing. I know I should really save for my self and future purposes. So that I would be ready when there is and emergency.. Thanks jj..
@pwnson (151)
• India
23 Jul 10
Helping your family is not selfish it is good . you have good thinking for helping your family.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
26 Jul 10
Hi pwson!! Thanks for dropping and sharing my sentiments thanks much.
@mokkka (883)
• Bulgaria
4 May 10
there is nothing wrong to spend your own money in the way you want and which makes you feel happy.As you even say you help your family financially I can't see why they try to tell you what to buy or not.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
18 May 10
Hi mokka.. Thanks for that sis!!
@hora_fugit (5411)
• India
18 Apr 10
I don't find any selfishness here. And of course your mother too is not accusing you of spending it on your wishes instead of them! In any case, I think you must make a list of what you want. That will give you a clear direction about your needs and expenses. A little pampering is ok, but buying things one after other is not good. Especially in current scenario.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
18 Apr 10
Hello Hora_fugit. That is exactly what I'm doing now. Listing the things I need and what I really really need.. hmmm.. Thanks you so much for agreeing with most lotters and it really relaxes and lightens my mood to know am not that selfish as I usually think I am.. :)
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
17 Apr 10
Nobody in this site or in the reality can judge who you are. Only you can see into who you are, your reasons and thoughts. Even people near you do not know some of your sides. You have faces that you have solely to your parents, another face to your friends and another to yourself. Most of the time, parents or even friends and acquaintances do not know how you see yourself as. Here's an advice. When you are calm (as in not angry, despaired or sad), go to a quiet place where you can't be disturb and contemplate there. Look into your being and ask yourself (silently, the better) "who are you?" Think of the past and recent events that happened to you. Judge them as you see fit. You can say that you did something stupid and never repeat that again, or say that you did good and would do better. You would experience feeling the feelings you have of that time. You can be embarrassed or angry, but never let it cloud your logic and reason. After doing this, you'll see for yourself the answer to your question.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
I know.. Thank you so much sinful rose. That was very inspiring. I'll try to follow your advice. Maybe I'd lighten up when am down.. :)
@jezzmay (1845)
• United States
9 Apr 10
If you are giving to them, you should be able to get what you want. I do not believe that is selfish. I know they are just trying to guide you, I hope. But, you should be able get some things you want.
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
10 Apr 10
Thanks jezz and I know what you mean by that. Hope that I would be able to go through this..