How do you avoid friend rivalry?

Enjoying coffee with the good company of friends - Coffee is more tasteful when we enjoy it with our friends.
@atha13 (159)
Malaysia
April 16, 2010 12:44am CST
I do enjoy hanging out with my friends where we can sit together and keep track of each other's life. But when I learn that my friends are doing better (eg. relationship, work, salary) than me, I can't help from being jealous of their achievements. I'll try to hide my jealousy by pretending to be happy for my friends but deep inside I wish I was more successful than them! Sometimes I feel they are purposely trying to make me feel little by bragging about their achievements. I know it's bad for the friendship but I think it's natural to feel that way and everyone has experienced it. But how do you avoid comparing yourself to your friends and just enjoy the friendship regardless how well they do in their life?
4 people like this
11 responses
@laglen (19779)
• United States
16 Apr 10
It comes with maturity. You learn to be happy. If you are jealous, then you should look at yourself. What are you jealous about? How can you change this? Maybe it is something about yourself that you feel badly and are trying to project it onto your friends.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
To avoid friend rivalry you have to set aside you insecurities.If your friend is doing better you have to be happy for him/her. You have to support your friend in anything just to make them feel that your always at your side;)
1 person likes this
@mjanakha (479)
• United Arab Emirates
16 Apr 10
comparing you with yourself is good if the result is positive. By seeing your friend if you try to work hard, its good. Take the good things from your friend leave the others. Dont be jealous because we will always be paid for our work by God. Believe in yourself, and make friends. Friends are not to be weighed by their salary but by their character.
1 person likes this
@junmae (1591)
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
I think those feelings are very usual for a person. I also tend to be jealous when i heard that my friend has a work better than me. But I know, to be envious is a sinful act and god doesnt wants us that way because he knows that what he had given us a life that he knows will be best for us. Instead of being envy, i just let it that way, i just live my own life and think that they deserve to be in that situation because god will provide much better than what they had right now.
1 person likes this
@yresh12 (3217)
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
Hello atha13! I think that friend rivalries are normal. You should not get affected with your friends of what they are saying. You should not compare yourself to them because your all different. Just be happy with what you have so that you won't be able to compare yourself with others.. I think that is the best way.. Goodluck!
1 person likes this
@bagputza (504)
• Belgium
16 Apr 10
Good Morning dear Atha13 , well i cann say that i understand pretty well what you're going trough , because i was in the same position as you a few months back , an i was in your position for quite a long and hard time to deal , because when you see close person ( that are not familly , but only friends ) that they have a better paying job , or simply the fact that they have a full time job and they have a decent regular income , and then they do Bragg about it , but most of the time its because they worked hard for having what they actually own and they feel the need to share it with someone , and who better to share it then you're friend , because a few months ago before i found this part time job , i used to be jealous and feel a little bit left out behing , and feeled that i need to avance a little faster so i cann catch up with them. Dont worry the jealousy its only normal because every person wants to be a little better in he's life , especially when you have friends that show that it is posibile through hard work and regurality to improove your lifestyle. Have a nice day dear Atha13
1 person likes this
@mezulu (166)
• United States
16 Apr 10
It sounds to me like you have some self-esteem issues. You are in control of your life, and you have to realize that if you want things to get better for you, you have to make it happen. No one else is going to do something purely to help you; sadly our culture does not work like that. You have to set a goal for yourself, and do it. Don't say things like "I'll try." Those just set you up for failure. You have to say that you are GOING to do it. Only then will you have a shot at meeting your goal. When it comes to being jealous, just keep in mind that being jealous of others is not going to help your situation. You are just wasting energy that you could be using to make your own life better. Try to be truly happy for your friends, and in no time at all it will be them envying you!
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2409)
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
I dont think we should avoid friendy rivalry once in a while with friends. I mean its just a means of checking whose doing better and whose not. Not to the expense of the one whose not doing good though. For as long as it is not taken personally i think its just a healthy activity once in a while. But if its being done every now and then i think that wont be pretty good anyore.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
well i guess for me the best thing i do to avoid friend rivalry is that when im getting mad or angry i simply move away from him/her and have some time to cool myself after that i will be back and by that my anger is diminish
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
It's normal to feel an inch jealous when you hear someone doing better than you especially if that was not the way it used to be, if you were BETTER BEFORE and now, she/he is better than you. But that is life, sometimes you are on the upside and sometimes you are on the downside. Being jealous will not be of any help. It will only hurt you and the other party might not even be aware of how you're feeling. It's natural that you tell friends of your achievements because they are the first persons you want to share your happiness with. You shouldn't feel it is their way of putting you down if they are really your friends. Instead, you should feel happy for them and learn to share those things also that make you happy with your own life. Some people may do better than you at work but not in their relationships or other things. Learn to explore the many aspects of life and discover where you excel so that instead of sulking, you get your own piece to participate in sharing your own happiness with friends. :)
@markleob (1904)
• Philippines
16 Apr 10
well it is just normal if you are not hat mature enough.... i mean, there is a sign of insecurities in you... just try not to be jealous, instead ask them how they were able to do that.... ask pieces of advice from themmm... just accept the fact that you are not always on top.... learning to accept defeat will let you grow...