Judging Others

United States
May 16, 2010 6:05pm CST
So, I've been thinking a lot lately about a statement I heard a while back: We judge others based on their actions; we judge ourselves based on our intentions. What do you all think? Does this strike you as true? Do you think that, generally speaking, you're able to see past a person's actions to see that they likely didn't intend harm or negativity? For instance, whenever someone cuts me off in traffic, I give them the benefit of the doubt. "They must be rushing to the hospital because someone's in labor." Or something silly like that. I know that, probably, the person was just being inconsiderate, but I try my best not to judge the action, but rather to decide that the person is fundamentally good, and so give them an intention to justify the action. Again, what do you think? Do you judge others more harshly than you do yourself? Do you think that's okay? Discuss.
1 person likes this
7 responses
• United States
17 May 10
the bible says do not judge lest ye be judged. it is wrong to judge. it is a sin. however all of us are sinners no matter how we live, we wake up with sinners blood. I try very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt and find out why they did something before judging their action. sometimes people try their best to do something good for you and it just doesn't work out...for instance. my husband thinks i am beautiful no matter what the day hour or how much makeup i have on. when he tells me im beautiful in those moments that i feel awful, it makes me mad. how can you say that to me when i look like a train wreck and then think i will believe you when i really do look good? he has good intentions, i just didn't understand them. these things happen to humanity every minute of every day of every year. just because a very good person has very good intentions, doesn't mean they are capable or even that the rest of the world won't get in the way...
• United States
18 May 10
that was actually very insightful... i think we are using judge" in a different manner. to describe something and to have your opinion about something is quite a bit different than downgrading something because your opinion is different. you have to know the truth from the bible and decide to help somebody rather than judging them.
• United States
18 May 10
This is interesting, but kinda bleak. I think people absolutely are capable of rising above silly things like prejudices and predispositions. We have to learn to judge, I think. Also, speaking as a husband, I guarantee that you can believe him whenever he tells you that you are beautiful. He's never lying, even when you think you look disgusting. There's a quote that's long been one of my favorites: "You think I'm beautiful, and so I am. Because I am nothing more or less than what I see in your eyes when you look at me." Be warmed by this thought. :)
@vjself72 (15)
• United States
17 May 10
I try not to judge others at all.but we all do it .some times i do it more harshly then i would .because i was already mad that day for some other reason.but i judge my self harshly all the time.i am always hard on myself then i am on others.but years ago i was not like that.i was hard on my kids then i am now.i learned that we all need to know that some one out there loves us for who we are not what we are.i have asked god to help me not judge people.because the bible tells us not to judge others .that god is the only one that should jugde us and others for what we have done.
• United States
17 May 10
I think it's really good to acknowledge your faults and shortcomings and, hopefully, over time, learn from them. What would you say is the difference between what a person is and who a person is? That was really interesting wording to me.
• United Kingdom
17 May 10
I think that's a good way of thinking! There have been many people that have made me angry in the past and I have just simply passed judgement on them without reflecting on reasons for their actions. I still think that the world is in a sorry state! Judgement and harsh judgement at that is constantly being passed by everyone! We judge a book by its cover and we are constantly told not to do this. However, things are changing for me slowly now! I'm more considerate and caring and this is a result of reading some good books, positive thinking books! I try to look upon everyone now with a certain amount of respect and I think of them as decent people unless they prove themselves otherwise. Andrew
• United States
17 May 10
Fantastic! I'm glad this post was able to present you with a different -- and more positive -- way of looking at things. Your post brightened my day, sir. Thank you. Yeah, I think if we all just took a step back and thought about why we're angry or upset, we'd realize that most of the things that get us there are pretty dang silly. Again, thank you so much. :)
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
17 May 10
It is human nature to be quick in judgment of others. Actions speak louder than words. It is the first step in the judging process. We are easier and more lenient in the judgment of ourselves. We just can't help it.
• United States
17 May 10
Hmmm... I agree that it's certainly more of our natural inclination to do things this way, but I don't know that I'd agree that we can't help it. I think that if we make a choice that it's not a great thing to operate this way, we can absolutely make a conscious choice and effort to change.
@jenny08 (136)
• Philippines
17 May 10
judging others is not good.,because we can't see whats inside their hearts.,what their real intent,there's a lot of story in the bible about fair judgment.,
• United States
17 May 10
But how do you not? I mean, you can certainly choose not to act on those presuppositions, but how to you prevent yourself from feeling them?
@maxyl12 (236)
• Philippines
17 May 10
There are many people who think themselves that they are higher than those sorrounds him/her. Im too being judged. When I resign my job i the hospital. Many thinks that I done wrong. That I'm being judge like a criminal. Its a pain people thinks that way. I only resign because i did not like the work and the pressure and i like to go on business. It is hard for them to understand that?
• United States
17 May 10
That's actually a really good point. Yes. When we find ourselves about to judge others, I think we should think about the fact that others are probably judging us. How does that make us feel? Probably not great. Given that, we probably shouldn't put that on anyone else. Thanks for this comment. And, for what it's worth, I'm sure your old co-workers will lighten up soon. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, wondering what they might be thinking of you. Like I said above, they're judging your actions, not your intentions.
• United States
16 May 10
Ahh... shaky question. I'ma have to say yes and no. Me? I judge. We all do. It's unavoidable. I know it's wrong to judge simply by appearance though, and when I do I will try to correct myself (self discipline, if ya wanna call it). If I don't I will feel like a big jerk. So i either get to know someone or i let them about their business. Intentions... sometimes people do things in order to have a certain result. How do you get a disobidient child to listen to you? In the most Southern, traditional way (i.e. me), you chastise (beat) them. If you witness chastisement are you so quick to judge the parent/gaurdian as brash and violent? What if you are married... to your wife... and she doesn't listen to you... how do you get her to listen? Do you beat her??? Surely if someone saw you doing that they'd not only more than likely interfere but they'd do so presuming that you are an ingrateful, violent and mean person. Through one action (chastising) you got to the same conclusion or intention (obedience). There are different ways of getting to that conclusion, however. and those different ways may very well conduct you as a person. Let me ask you... How would you get *your child to obey (hypothetically)? That person cut you off to get to somewhere quicker. or maybe they are just speed demons. People do things to get things. The method they use is what people judge I find. I judge myself (examine myself) by looking back on present and past actions, said and done. Also, by how i think--usually when the prejudice comes into play. Constant self examination. I can say that I do judge myself a little more harshly. Cuz its easy i guess. I'm very lazy. I don't get out much to be around people like that, and if I do, I'm not seeing anything that would contradict my thinking. I don't try to look for faults in people or try to judge them. If i first meet someone, I cant assume much. If they do something that I think is stupid, I may think that that person is stupid. Maybe. Depends on the action. If you do not judge every here in there, you'd either find yourself trusting OR distrusting everyone you see, and you can't live life like that mane. I sound like i'm rambling.
• United States
16 May 10
You did sort of get to a rambly place, but you made some valid points along the way. :) Hmmm... Well, I certainly never meant to imply that I don't judge. I agree with you that we all judge, and without doing so, we would either have to trust or not trust everyone, or arbitrarily choose, and neither of those makes any sense. However, the point I was making -- and I actually think I made it poorly -- is that we tend to judge ourselves based on different criteria than we use to judge others. To use your example, if I beat my child, I would know what my intention was: to get my child to behave. That's my justification, and since I know the inner workings of my actions, I have a clear view of why it's not wrong. If I saw someone else beating their child, I don't know the reasoning, and so, according to the statement, I might judge the person, based solely on the action, superficially and unfairly. Now, let me go on record as saying that beating a child as a form of punishment or to maintain obedience is absolutely not something that I'd ever do. It's not something that I agree with. Since you asked, and you know it's hypothetical, I'd say that teaching my child the importance of rules and social norms is how I would ensure that my child obeys. And "obey" is really such a harsh word that I don't know if I agree with, either, but that's another thing entirely. Anyway, I would teach with reasons, lead by example, and listen to and respond to my child with answers deeper than, for instance, "Because I said so." It's not a perfect system, to be sure, and I'm not so idealistic as to think that it would work every time, but that's what I'd do. Look at that. We both got to a rambling place. :) Thanks for responding. I appreciate it.