Bossy People

@cyrus123 (6364)
United States
May 19, 2010 12:57am CST
How do you deal with bossy people? I can't stand this, myself! I mean, I know they mean well but still, people like this need to realize that their unsolicited advice is not always appreciated. I have gotten upset with people who try to tell me what to do in the past and chewed them out. However, I would like to be able to tell them in a more tactful way that I don't like this. I feel like if I ask for their advice, that's a different story. I remember being told when I was growing up that if I ask for help, I may not get it since I have this attitude. I don't think this is true, though. My oldest sister can be very bossy and so can her husband. They have a way of making you feel like a small child. That's why I don't like to be around them too much. She's always been bossy pretty much but she's gotten worse since she's gotten older. She has a lot of health problems and most of the time, she feels bad. I just wondered if a person can be bossy when they are feeling bad. She always has such a negative attitude, too. Also, I volunteer at a therapeutic riding center and I've been around horses all my life. I'm getting some riding lessons out there and I feel like I've improved a lot on my riding. I'm willing to do whatever the instructors out there want me to do and they've taught me to be a better rider. However, there are some people other than the instructors out there who have only been around horses a short time. Yet, they act like they think they know more than I do and they tell me things I already know. I enjoy this job and I want to get along with everybody out there. What would be a nice way of dealing with these people?
3 people like this
19 responses
@busybee10 (3190)
• India
19 May 10
Oh yes - we live in a funny and not under stable world.People pose of try to pose as Bossy,this is a typical nature of some people.It is difficult as to why they act like this,and some cases are though they do not have any knowledge of the subject but behave bossy. So it is we who have to study the people ourselves and should acct accordingly .This is just a technique we should adopt to move with such people.
2 people like this
@caliya (1175)
• Philippines
20 May 10
That is so true. Some people act as if they are bossy to cover their insecurities and weaknesses. These types of people are inevitable specially if you are part of the corporate world but that doesn't mean that we have to allow these bossy people to throw us under the boss. We have to be assertive enough and not allow them to mistreat us. If they will get the impression that you will allow them to mistreat you then then will eventually slow down. This worked for me.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61137)
• United States
21 May 10
I do know what you mean. I knew a gal in college who seemed to think you could learn by osmosis. she's hang out with the good riders, she hung out with piano players, with guitar players and yet didn't seem to understand why people thought she was a JOKE She had LONG nails, something that none of those activities could be done well with those things. And, remember, this was PRE those fake nails things.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
21 May 10
Thank you for responding. I'm just glad there are some people who sympathize with me. I didn't take chemistry and even though I've looked osmosis up in the dictionary, I still don't understand what it is. As for the girl you're talking about, I especially wouldn't pay people like her any attention, lol! I used to do nails. I also play the guitar I'm very aware that you can't do this with long fingernails. I've tried playing the guitar with long fingernails and I know from experience. What I don't understand is Dolly Parton has acrylic nails and she plays the guitar with hers.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61137)
• United States
21 May 10
osmosis in this case means things come in without working to learn them, just "knowing" them
• India
20 May 10
I have a few of them in my workplace too.. Even though they are of my same level or just one level up they behave like our managers.. We don't give a damn though. Question about how to deal with them is, Being assertive and if what he/she says is going to benefit you too .. go ahead do it .. Otherwise tell him you have something better to do . But in your case its different kinda dealing.. Since its your blood relation you should be very careful in dealing it. Try telling them that their behavior is irritating, if they are thinkers they will get over it or otherwise worst case 2 options : Keep on obeying them and maintain the relationship or stop talking to them for sometime they themselves will figure it out that they have irritated you but risk in the later method is , it spoils the relationship..
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
20 May 10
Yes, I'm familiar with assertive, aggressive, and passive behaviors. Sometimes I don't think I'm assertive enough, though. I do have to be careful when it comes to dealing with my sister because like me, she's very senstivie. She won't admit she's sensitive but I think she is. Not only do I have to deal with my sister being bossy but I have to deal with other people who are like this, too. I don't hang around my sister very much because she's this way. Also, like I said in my discussion, she has so many health problems and she's so negative about everything. I don't think she and her husband are getting along for one thing. They're always arguing whenever I'm around and if I go to their house when he's there, I'm sometimes in his line of ugliness.
• India
21 May 10
All the very best in dealing with your sister. I shall pray for you , she will soon realize her character and your life will be smooth
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
20 May 10
Sounds like you are talking about my aunt Eva........... You grit your teeth and hum a happy tune ! then try to get away from them ! Doing anything more drastic is against the law!
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
20 May 10
This is so funny! I don't know if it would help me or not, though, lol! I stay away from my sister most of the time because she's like this. Like I said in my discussion, she has so many health problems and she's so negative all the time. I don't think she and her husband are getting along and I think that has a lot to do with her attitude, too. They're always arguing whenever I'm around, anyway.
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
19 May 10
I'm like you, Kathy, i hate being around people that think they know everything. Working in the public like i did all those years i ran into quite a few, lol. As i'm sure u know i am very plain spoken & i usually speak my piece but i'm not advising u to do that since u work for someone else. I wouldn't want u to lose your job. Maybe u can find a way to just tune them out. As for the bossy sister & bil i would tell them whatever i wanted to. U have a right to speak your piece w/them since they do w/u. My mother was alot like that, i never did anything to please her so i quit trying.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
20 May 10
I don't think I can lose my job since it's volunteer work. Then, again, you never know. I wouldn't get ugly with those who are over me, though. Like you said, I guess the best thing to do is tune them out. As for my sister and bil, if they tell me to do something, I will ask them what makes them think I'm not going to do such and such. That doesn't always seem to do any good. I think dranhh has some very good suggestions, lol! Did you read hers?
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
20 May 10
Dranhh did have a good response. I have never understood people who thought they could run your buisness. If i need advice i'll ask for it, lol. I have always had a full time job looking after my buisness. I think everybody else would to if they'd just that & stay out of other people's buisness. Have a good day, Kathy.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
19 May 10
point our how long you have been there and also say yup I know that too when did you learn that?
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
20 May 10
This is a very good response, lol! The thing about it is, this riding center has only been here since 2006. However, I've been around horses all my life. I've learned a lot of new things since I've been out there but there are some people out there who haven't been around horses all their lives and they think they know more than I do. They act like I don't know anything,! It might be a good idea to say what you said, though.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
20 May 10
you could also add how many years you have known it. I rode alot when I was young and could get ahold of a horse usualy when I went to stay with my gradma. I over heard an older cousin tell some one i st a horse good and knew how to handle them right. and I was usualy the only oone thaT COULS catch the hosre I rode was a little mustang and boy could he run!
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27546)
• United States
19 May 10
I am usually vry polite with a bit of a twist when it comes to unsolicited advice. If it's the boss..well...I have to be good but if it's a coworker or classmate..well..that s different..lol...when someone orders me, I usually just say..oh...well...I have a different way of doing it or I like this way better. I might also thank them politely but remind them that it's my choice..like...Thanks but I like this. If I want to be very well understood..I might say..Thanks for the advice but I'm paying the instructors to show me how. It can be very aggravating to be around bossy people. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27546)
• United States
27 May 10
Thanks for the best response! Take care.
@CJscott (4182)
• Canada
19 May 10
Oh, Have I got a juicy one for you today. But, First, I want to recommend a book to you, I know you love books, and like to read. The book is How to Win Friends and Influence People, it is by Dale Carnegie. I got my copy at a used bookstore, I am sure you could get a copy from the internet, it is a fairly short read. It goes over such things as The Big Secret of Dealing With People, You Can't Win and Argument, No One Likes To Take Orders and oh so much more. Has helped me loads in my dealings with people. Now, for the Juice, I do a wee bit of personality studies with a couple of my mentors, I think you might have read something about it before...could be wrong, I frequently am, could be right though, I am frequently right as well. Anyways, sounds to me like you have a couple of bona-fide, red personalities wondering around, and the best way to deal with them....Now this ain't easy my friend, but it is oh so worth it, I have been using it with terrific results for about 5 months now. Give them a compliment....then Give them another compliment, then Give them a Challenge. I will try and provide an example of this in relation to your horses, I know you are a very intelligent lady and can adapt anything from just the instruction, and I like to think that examples put things in context and make it easier to understand the principles. Onward! Wow, Josh, you are great with Horses, and you have really learned a lot in these past few weeks, and I bet you can't let the rest of us learn at our own pace. Take from this what you will. The book is phenomenal, you may have heard of Dale Carnegie before, great stuff on building relationships, public speaking and getting along with people. There is all sorts of live trainings done the world over in his honor. On a side note, how have the Limu Plus and VitaOne been treating you, I would love to hear, good, bad or indifferent. Sincerely and With Love and Appreciation. Chysom.
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
23 May 10
I love this, CJ! Thank you for posting, lol! I have that book "How To Win Friends And Influence People" somewhere around here. I read it a long time ago but I need to read it again. There is a lot that I've forgotten about what it said. The Limu Plus was good. I finished it not too long ago. I just can't afford to buy any, though, since I'm living on a small income. I just wanted to try it because I knew you always said you've felt so good after taking it. Even though I can't afford it, it did make me feel good. As for the VitaOne, would you believe I still haven't started on it yet? I'm sorry to say this but I'm just nervous about taking so many of these things, especially all at once. I've just had some bad experiences with medicines and vitamins in the past, especially if they had a lot of mgs. I had allergic reactions from them, in other words or I got nauseated from certain ones. The really dark ones look kind of scary to me. Maybe you can help me overcome my fears of it. I hope so.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 May 10
basically i zone out and just watch their mouths move i am so tired of bossy people and i believe they have egos the size of texas and are too concerned about being proven wrong that's why they act like that
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
29 May 10
I like your first statement where you say you just watch their mouths move, lol! That's so funny! Sometimes, when I think about it, I will ask them what makes them think such and such. That seems to do the trick with most people. With others, I just have to keep saying it until they finally quit being so bossy. Thank you for responding.
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
22 May 10
People are always trying to tell you what to do, how to feel. Oh I always wonder what gives others authority to feel that way. Well we know it is a life reality for all insecure and codependent people who have the need to control others, so we must be strong enough to live our lives as we want them to be, and be able to to hold on to character thus to know when to enforce limits.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
22 May 10
Hi climber! I wonder about this, too. I'm aware we have to listen to the police, our teachers at school, our bosses at work, etc. I think it's just in some people's nature to be bossy but they need to realize that they can't control other people around them. According to a book I read one time called "Toxic People" by Lillian Glass, children have a certain need to be controlled, but to adults with their own minds and values, it's downright insulting and humiliating to be controlled by anyone.
• United States
20 May 10
I know how you feel and to give advice on how to deal with these type of people I dont think I really have anything to say --although just to say that I have dealt with these types too and I even worked with one or two in my days in the office field....so glad to be out of there and I will never go back!! the lady I worked with wasnt so much bossy as she was mean and felt the less she gave out info the more her job was secure no matter how much it affected the company... so I dealt with that for about a yr...and then I found another job since I was having stomach issues because of the stress of it. I hope it isnt that bad for you and that you find a way around it... good luck though!!! Happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
23 May 10
I guess we've all had to deal with bossy people in our lives. Just about all of my mylot friends have given some good suggestions and I'm going to try some of them. I think it's just in some people's nature to be bossy. I think I've got a handle on it now. At least, I hope I do, anyway.
@ndubose (418)
• United States
19 May 10
I try to ignore people that are bossy because I figure that a majority of the time that people who are bossy to others normally are controlled by there spouse or significant other so I personally try to ignore them....
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
20 May 10
I feel like this is my sister's problem. She has told me in the past that her husband is bossy and I don't think they've been getting along for quite sometime. I hardly ever go to their house but when I do and if he's there, they're always arguing it seems like. I guess it's better to ignore them but that's hard to do sometimes. Not only do I have to deal with my sister being bossy but I have to deal with other people being bossy, too.
@drannhh (15235)
• United States
19 May 10
I would say this to them when they get pushy: "Thank you for being so generous with your advice. Since I know that you have nothing except my best interest in mind, I know that you will not be offended when I don't take it." If they persist, then I would turn to another person near by and ask, "Did you hear that? So and so thinks s/he can solve all of my problems. Perhaps I should inquire if s/he would like to come over and clean my floors and do my dirty laundry, too!" To the sister I would probably say, "I love that you want to help with with all this advice, but I would love it even more if you would let me live my own life and make my own mistakes. Then I wouldn't have to blame you if things went wrong!" And of course, in a few words, the very best response of all, I think, is to simply turn to the person and say this: "FEELING INSECURE, ARE WE?"
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
20 May 10
Thank you for your response. I think these are all very good! I especially like the one about asking the person if he/she would like to do my dirty laundry! That is so funny, lol! Sometimes there's not another person nearby. In that case, I think either the first or the last response would be great.
@qamarep (4448)
• Pakistan
19 May 10
yes some times t soime people try to be bossy with us and it is sucking thing
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
20 May 10
Yes, and it's very difficult to deal with too. I'm beginning to think that people like this have to deal with other people who boss them. Thank you for responding.
@AmbiePam (51243)
• United States
19 May 10
I imagine those people don't have a lot of control over things in their lives, do you think? Maybe that is why they try to control what everyone else does? Bossy people are very annoying, I agree. And my patience gets a workout every now and then. What that does do though, is make me aware of when I am bossy. As for a nice way to deal with them? Maybe, thanks, but I have a handle on this. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing...? Those two aren't very helpful, I'm sorry.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
20 May 10
I'm beginning to think that you are right. Bossy people tend to boss others because they don't have any control over other things in their lives. They have to deal with other people who boss them. Some people will apologize for being bossy and they will say they are so used to telling their children what to do all the time. However, not everybody who has children are bossy. I have a friend I go to church with who is a retired schoolteacher. She's a very nice lady but she can get a little bossy at times and I don't like it. When she gets like this, I will ask her what makes her think this or what makes her think I'm not going to do such and such. That seems to do the trick. I do it in a nice way, too. At least I hope it comes across as nice. She told me one time that she's just so used to correcting children and that's why she does it.
• India
19 May 10
It is lot easier to deal with a boss but lot more difficult to deal with a difficult boss. Most of them are pushy and rude. Some are even downright abusive. A boss would usually reveal a bossy side of his nature only if he has summed you up; and he has learned your weaknesses. Because he knows that, he can turn you around his little finger. To deal with a difficult boss, always remain unpredictable. Never let him sum you up. In front of him always put your best foot forward. Let your best manners be in parade. Never let him know your weak points. Never make the mistake; and never make the mistake of admitting your mistakes in front of him. Do not react to his verbal abuse or harsh criticism with emotion. Remember he has a bigger ego than you have. Before you walk away always say, "You are right and I am sorry". In this way, you do not meet his attack head on but rather sidestep it. Seek your boss’s advice on how you must improve your work. He would love to tell you, because he has his own ideas. Document your achievement so if need be you should be able to pitch it up to his face.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
22 May 10
You have some very good points here. The only thing about it is, I don't work. I do volunteer work at a therapeutic riding center and some of the people out there who are not really over me tend to get a little bossy at times. I might try some of these points when some of the ones who are over me get to being a little too overbearing, though. Thank you for responding.
@advokatku (4036)
• Indonesia
19 May 10
To deal with him you need a little strategy. If he started ordering something on you. show your expression if you don't like. No need face angry, but enough show your distaste with flat expression and ignorant. When he came to you and start rallies his orders, simply say, "Sorry. I can't, I'm also a lot of work". Then don't need to hear him further.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
22 May 10
I don't work. However, I'm not sure if this would work with all bosses. I do volunteer work at a therapeutic riding center and some of the people over me out there can get a little overbearing. It's mostly people who are not over me who haven't been around horses as much as I have who think they know it all, lol. If it were a paid job and if I didn't do as the boss said, I might get fired sure enough.
@jamed28 (1909)
• Philippines
19 May 10
If they are really the boss then it's ok. But if they are not, then why would he act like one? I don't think Bossy People are sensitive people. They should have learn how to place themselves. I bet, in every person that their be dealing with, most of them would hate him. And most likely he would find enemies.
@cyrus123 (6364)
• United States
22 May 10
I think it's okay if he/she is the boss, too. I realize we need to listen to our bosses at work, our teachers at school, the police, or whoever is in authority. Like you, I think they need to learn how to place themselves, too. I think it's just in some people's nature to be bossy. I have a friend I go to church with, for example, who is a retired schoolteacher. She's a very nice lady but she can get a little bossy sometimes. When she's like this, I will just ask her what makes her think I'm not going to do such and such. That usually does the trick. She told me one time that she's so used to correcting children. Some people who are parents will tell you they are just so used to telling their children what to do. However, not all parents will tell other people what to do.
• Philippines
19 May 10
They are those types of people who always like to dominate or making other miserable since they have to be follow most of the times. I feel the same way with you others also treated me like a child they still think of me as teenager and though I know already to decide they insist to me to follow their advices or let them decide for me like they always know what is right for me. So most of the times I am caught in the middle and have to put a balance between real concern as long as it benefit me to the end. I think the best way to deal with them not in the way to totally ignore them but to have a tolerance as long as they never get over you or harm that is the best things to do to learn to live with them since different people have different attitudes and priorities. Just learn to manage to treat them right and in that way they too could realize later whatever they do wrong and it upset you. They would treat you right as long as you dealt with them fairly and hoping they would realize they, may be right but not most of the times. Just never involves in argument but if it becoming hard to dealt with a talk between the two of you may suppose to help to let her understand your situation.
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