What is YOUR key to a happy relationship
By amorlife1
@amorlife1 (370)
South Africa
May 22, 2010 3:59am CST
My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for less than a month. Right now, I feel I'm more in love with him than I have been in any of the previous 6 years. And It's not just because we just got married. We have such a good relationship because he's my best friend and I'm his.
I've been introspecting about what it is that makes us have such a happy relationship. And I believe that it is because of a decision that I made even before we got engaged. I told myself that he's going to be my husband, so I'm going to start being his wife. I always made sure to attend to all his needs. I always put him and his needs before me and mine. I listened to him when he spoke and when he didn't speak. I made sure that I found out what he liked and didn't like so that I would do more of the former and avoid the latter.
For most women, this is a difficult thing to do, because, after all, there was no guarantee that even after doing all this, he would marry me. But I really think that's what made him decide. And even if he didn't marry me, I told myself that I was getting the practice for whoever was going to be my husband... so I continued to do it anyway.
So I think that's my secret. What's yours? I'd like to hear especially from those that are happily married or have been in a happy relationship for a while.
7 people like this
26 responses
@saifulbabe (74)
• Indonesia
22 May 10
the key is one, the communication between us. If something happen please do communication with your friendship as soon as possible. if you two are boring please do something new together. All what we need are available between us. What you are waiting for, any questions?
2 people like this
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
23 May 10
Yes, communication is indeed key. It's what keeps us best friends, because we talk about anything and everything! When something happens during the day while he's at work, I send him an email to tell him about it. If something happens with him, he tells me about it as soon as he gets home. We're always talking!
1 person likes this
@karen1969 (1779)
•
22 May 10
I have been with my husband for 13 years and we are happy too. For us, I think the main reason we get on well is because we are very good friends too and have lots of things in common. We have 4 kids but try to have time that is just the two of us, so we go out to the theatre or cinema, go on trips away, watch DVDs together and so on.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
23 May 10
Yup, I think that is really key. It's important to remain best friends, because one day the kids will grow and leave home, and you'll be left alone with each other. if you're not friends, then it'll be awkward.
My husband and I make sure we have alone time at least twice a week, going for a walk, going to the movies or watching DVDs.
Thanks for sharing!
2 people like this
@karen1969 (1779)
•
23 May 10
Yes indeed, very wise words. Once the kids leave home, there may be 30 years or more together so we really need to be able to get on with our partners!
1 person likes this
@magicalmerlin (1623)
•
22 May 10
That is a very well thought out reason. I am not sure that mine was even such a decision - it just happened. We also was said we got on so well because we never saw each other - we passed like ships in the night so that the children always had one of us there. We are best friends but he saw it differently so I am happy to let him have time out with his friends if he wants. We often all get together too. In this day and age it is somewhat of a rarity that our 5 sets of marriages have all remained in over 17 years of knowing each other. On the other hand, my sister and both brothers have all split up. Must be the air in our locality - further out of the city with its hustle and bustle - do you think?
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
23 May 10
I think that it's so easy to make the city an excuse... We live in a big city too. But we're determined to make our marriage work despite that fact.
From what I understand you saying, your marriage just happened... is that right? And that you got on well because you never saw each other? I just want to understand clearly...
I encourage my husband to spend time with his friends, and he allows me to spend time with my friends. But most of the time we spend together... I think this is how it should be. Afterall, we're married to each other, not our friends. So we should be putting the effort into building our friendship together.
Please don't go the same way as your siblings... fight to stay married. There're just too many marriages breaking up it's sad!
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
23 May 10
I think that certainly doing the best you can do and being the best you can be for your partner is a great philosophy! I heard Dr Phil say once that if both partners asked themselves each and every day “What can I do to make my partner’s life better today?” a lot of marital problems would not arise. I liked that and when I mentioned it to my husband he did too. We decided to give it a try and everyday we try to focus on the other and do something to make the other happy, it could be a cup of coffee after a hard day or a hand with the dishes; they are the things that keep the dynamics positive and communication open which is another important aspect to a happy relationship.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
24 May 10
That's really great paula! I do think that one of the biggest contribution to break-ups of relationships is selfishness.... when you are all about me me me, then you always see that your partner always seems to be doing the things that annoy you or upset you. But if you focus on meeting your partner's needs, you'll always see that your partner is doing things to please you.
1 person likes this
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
23 May 10
Indeed. Without trust, there is no relationship. We really trust each other. When there is trust, there is a happy and stress-free relationship.
1 person likes this
@Nickfyoung (323)
• Australia
22 May 10
You have got that right , well done. Love is as much a decision as an emotion and so if we make that decision and carry it through life will be so much plain sailing. Although plain sailing in a marriage is more like high excitement. You have decided to put him first and obviously he does the same as he will if you make that start and so your relationship is love. love is action, love is doing, love is caring and after all these love is a huge enjoyable emotive feeling which encompasses all aspects of your relationship from the bed to the kitchen. So again, well done. Keep at it and enjoy. It is good to see someone who has got it right.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
24 May 10
Thanks Nickfyoung. Gosh, it sounds like you discovered the secret a long time ago and are happy that someone else has too :)
@Nickfyoung (323)
• Australia
24 May 10
I am just happy that you have got it right it sounds like for the first time. Took me three times. I am enjoying the fruits now so you enjoy yours and I wish you many long years of pure joy.
@vijayanths (7877)
• India
23 May 10
Sacrifice is the key to a long lasting sacrifice. You have to accept your partner's flaws and short comings. Your partner would think very much differently. Their taste, ideas, interests would be different, so learn to accept them with those differences, then life will be a Heaven to you.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
24 May 10
I think that you should accept that your partner has flaws, but part of the reason that you are together is to enhance each other. So you should work with your partner in ironing out those flaws... if they want to iron it out.
But yes, we do indeed have to accept our partners with their differences. As long as you both realise that you are individuals, you can work together to build each other up.
Are you married? And how long?
Thanks for sharing :)
@_Honey_ (780)
• Philippines
23 May 10
Hello. I feel so inspired by your story. I hope that one day, I get happily married to with whoever is destined for me. But the more I'm hopeful that the guy I would marry would be the guy I'm with for nearly 7 months now. I would say that the relationship I had now was the most beautiful relationship I had. I have a very supporting boyfriend who is also a very good friend to me. He knows me a lot and is able to deal with my tantrums, occasional immaturity and my mood swings. However, I think what makes us stick together is the determination to work things out. I always show my guy how much I love him and how much attractive he is. I tend to get mushy at times coz I don't want our relationship to be a mediocre. I tell him what I want, I tell him what I don't want, I stay honest with him and I can feel that he does the same. I acknowledge his thoughts and consult him in the decisions that I make because I want him to fell how much I recognize his part in our relationship all the time. I pray for your long-lasting marriage and peace all the time.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
24 May 10
Wow, I'm so glad that I inspired you!
And it sounds like your relationship is going great so far, and that you don't want it to be mediocre.
It sounds like you really have a great guy that loves you. You seem to recognize that your tantrums, occasional immaturity and mood swings are things about you that he tolerates... so I hope you're working on them? I think he'll be a whole lot happier when he sees you trying to change those things that you know he doesn't like. He'll also work at changing the things about himself that you might not like. But of course he'll only know what those are if you communicate. So keep the communications channels open!
Thanks for sharing, and all the best!
@CRIVAS (1815)
• Canada
22 May 10
My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 5 of those years. We are more in love today than when we first started out. Like you we chose to put the others needs in front of our own. I make sure that because my husband works hard to support his family, that the house is clean, the dinner is cooked and I try to make his time at home as happy and relaxing as possible. Another reason that I think that our relationship is so good is because we have a lot in common with each other. For example, we like the same movies and music as one another. We also love to go camping and we both 4X4. I think that having common ground with one another, really makes for a strong foundation. I love my husband very much, he too is my best friend. We have been through a lot together and I know that he will always be there when I need him. No matter what happens we are always there to support one another and I know that makes a big difference.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
24 May 10
That's really great! I think that's what makes a happy home, when you husband comes home to a clean welcoming home and good food. That's what I do for my husband too. And I also aggressively pursue our alone times. Sometimes, I gotta fight off friends that want to visit during our alone times...
@my_name_is_coco (4334)
• Philippines
23 May 10
for me a key to a happy relationship is keeping and maintaining your individuality.when you are attached to the hip with your partner,it gets boring as to you are always together.maintaining your individuality and giving yourself time to grow will benefit both you and your partner.you get to share experiences with him/her.an added benefit is you are happy because you are doing something you love for yourself,with which the happiness can affect your relationship in positive ways.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
24 May 10
You're right there, coco. You have to be you and let him be him. It's when he tries to change you into what he likes, or you try to do the same, that the relationship starts to break down.
The funny (and cool) thing though, is that as you get to know each other for longer, you find yourselves liking the same things... you eventually become almost like one person...
@sweetjoann22 (191)
• Australia
23 May 10
My key to a happy relationship is understanding, caring, honesty and give more adventures in your relationships. Me and my bf stayed for about 6 years now, what we do is ussually go on a date as we did on our first date and still keep on sweet for each other. The way we did before is still the same and nothing changed so that the it keeps the sparkles in your relationship.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
24 May 10
The phrase that comes to mind is "if it isn't broken, don't fix it."
So if you've found what works for you, then keep doing it. All the best with your relationship, and I hope you two get married soon.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
23 May 10
I've been dating someone. It's going great so far and i hope it doesn't turn sour. I really like her and i'm sure she does too. We're in a kind of mutual understanding right now and i'm happy how things are going, which is not too fast, not too slow. It's just right.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
23 May 10
I've been dating someone. It's going great so far and i hope it doesn't turn sour. I really like her and i'm sure she does too. We're in a kind of mutual understanding right now and i'm happy how things are going, which is not too fast, not too slow. It's just right.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
23 May 10
I've been dating someone. It's going great so far and i hope it doesn't turn sour. I really like her and i'm sure she does too. We're in a kind of mutual understanding right now and i'm happy how things are going, which is not too fast, not too slow. It's just right.
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
24 May 10
Good for you! I hope it works out too. But as many of the lotters have responded, communication is key. So you need to know for sure how she feels... you should know whether she likes you too. Then you can move forward. All the best.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
23 May 10
I am a little weird I suppose. I always would listen to my lover. I would Always wat to know his likes or dislikes and I hope to be there to support him in Anything , but to do this for a husband? I Never would do this.It would never think about doing that. I see marriage as a trap and when you are trapped , you Really don't care what happens. So The best way for me to have a good relationship with a guy is to Not marry him. I don't see wanting your man to be happy and that to you his happiness comes first as being a wife, it is loving the person.It Has Nothing to do with marriage. My guy and I are best friends. He puts me first and I put him first. We love each other but we will Never marry. Why does it work,. We Listen and Hear each other!We haven't had an argument , yet. But I Know we will talk out any disagreement. It is new , I mean we haven't been together as long as you and your husband but my love for him grows each day.so far so good.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
29 Oct 10
Communication.
I've been with my Wife since we were Sixteen, we got married when we was Eighteen and I'm now Twenty Three. You have to be able to get along, most people can't live together and they lack understanding. In a relationship it takes two people to make it work and sometimes you find there's only one person who truly wants it. I think when two people who feel the same come together, the rest fulls into place and you can a successful relationship into a very good marriage.
Myself and my Wife are very good friends, I'm there for her and she's there for me.
Relationships are all about the effort in which you put in, most young people my age won't of experienced the level of commitment needed to have a good relationship and this is something very saddening about our modern life's.
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
There are no key I guess because no relationship is perfect. What you are doing with your relationship is good. To be a good wife to her husband, who is not doing anything that will make him angry is the best. I don’t have anything to share base on my experience because I never been in a relationship
@hagirl (1295)
• United States
24 May 10
Trust, respect and communication.... All these intertwine with each other..... These 3 components are important in a relationship and marriage.... Your mate has to be told atleast once a day you love him or her..... I would die if something happened to my husband and loose words wore the last thing he heard from my mouth.....
@amorlife1 (370)
• South Africa
23 May 10
Short, sweet and to the point! That sums it up well. Thanks for sharing.
@supermay1977 (39)
• Philippines
24 May 10
Our realationship turned 16 yrs. last april. I think the number 1 secret to have a lasting marriage is Love. You can endure all the pains and sacrifices because you love your partner. Another thing is patience and trust.
