made to feel guilty for being just a "stay at home mom"

Philippines
June 3, 2010 8:39pm CST
i didn't understand this profession until i became one i myself sometimes feel having such low self esteem especially when i see some of my classmates from high school and college wearing their professional attire or having their picture taken from beautiful scenes in other countries. also when others would ask me "what is my job", "where do i work",etc.,etc...these things and questions really irritates me but can still empower me at the same time. i'm proud to say i'm a stay-at-home mom. there is no greater reward than to hear my husband and daughter saying "thank you" what about you?
2 people like this
17 responses
@much2say (36022)
• United States
27 Jun 10
Be proud of your "profession"! My hubby and I have been together since our late teens - we got married in our early 30's and had our children at 36 and 41. Til then we did many "couple" things like traveling as well as "single" things like getting into our individual interests. So when we decided to have a family, we were ready to put our ALL into family life. Sure I see friends who are well established in their careers ... many are single or have no kids ... others do have kids but fit their career in and don't get to spend as much time with their kids like I do. I don't wish to fit in their shoes - I'm happy and feel privileged I can be there for my kids during their precious years. When they are both in school full time, I will be able to go into the working force again.
• Philippines
28 Jun 10
thanks for your post much2say! i am! maybe due to some financial problems sometimes, i feel guilty that i can't help my husband or parents with such matter. i understand my daughter needed me more than anybody else so i have to know my priority.
@much2say (36022)
• United States
28 Jun 10
Oh, I understand how tight it is with only one income. I too feel guilty about that part and that the financial burden all falls on my husband. He works long hours, and very hard - I really wish I could help, but we're just going to hang on like this for another 5 years. I'm trying to do my "part" by even making little money online. It's not as much as I can make at a "real" job, but this is my only option considering my time. Best of luck to you . . . hang in there and enjoy mamahood!
@oldchem1 (8144)
4 Jun 10
You should hold your had up high and be very proud for doing one of the most important and hardest jobs in the world!! You are a teacher, a cook, a housekeeper, a nurse and many,many more things as well. I stayed at home when my kids were little and was very grateful that I was able to. It is better for both you and your children, so don't feel guilty - feel proud
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
thanks oldchem!!! i do! everything has its time. now my husband and child needs it more than anybody else so i really don't care if i can't wear make-up and professional attire
@rosie230 (1699)
4 Jun 10
I am also a stay at home mum, and I constantly feel put down, by being one. Not only from friends who have achieved a career, and managed to fund a house of their own... but also complete strangers, you know the kind where you bump into someone ans just start chatting away, and when you say you are a stay at home mum, they kind of look down on you as if it was a really bad thing to do, and that really I should be out there working all hours, and having my kids in child care, and taking part in being a bread winner for the family. Well... I don't think that I would want my kids in child care, because I enjoy spending time with them... and whats more... why work all the hours under the sun to participate in making a living, when the money you earn is going to be spent on the cost of child care. I know I can get bored and fed up sometimes, but generally I can't think of a harder or more fun job to do, thank take care of my kids, and lets be honest, they are my kids so why should I pay someone to look after them.
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
very much agree with you! this isn't an easy job after all. you know i really feel my circle of friends dwindle when i got stock at home but i'm still thankful cause i know who really are my true and dear friends thanks for your respond,rosie! cheers for being one STHM!!!
@alchan72 (67)
• India
4 Jun 10
Hi ersanmiguel, I've been a SAHM for the last ten years since my first child was born...and I cudn't imagine being away from him while an unfeeling "maid" looked after him. I wanted to do it all for him myself. I was a professional and very career-minded(or I used to think so!). It wasn't easy to take that decision. I started work from home, as a freelancer recruiter. Mind you, all this was when, at least in India, the concept of work from home wasn't common. I was an oddity.... Hasn't been easy, but I guess, you have to set your own value....when someone asks me that very annoying question "are you working?" It has taken years of practice to now proudly (and calmly) say, "I'm a stay-at-home mom." BTW, I do so hate that almost apologetic sentence, " No, I am just a housewife." grrr....I'm only my husband's wife:))
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
yeah i know the feeling of uneasiness when i leave my child to someone else's care. my husband is really supportive of what i want to do but when we talk about who will take care of our sweetheart...end of discussion- i'm staying
@med889 (5954)
4 Jun 10
If only they know what are the works at home to be done when you are married and have kids! My mother once told me to stay at home for one day and do everything she does, my God it was really difficult because we have to do many things like households, cooking, taking care of kids, going to buy things out.
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
got you med! we're working without deadlines, without a boss but ourselves but without monetary reward, but again, a simple thank you and i love you really makes us going.
@durgabala (1361)
• India
4 Jun 10
I worked for 7 years before becoming a "stay at home mom". My kids needed me more than my employers. I too see my friends in high position and settled abroad with fat salary and enjoying (rather they say) single status life. But I know they r not happy or contented from inside. they too want to form a family and settle down. Many of friends have got married but still planning to start a family. The grass is always green on the other side. Somehow I have never felt jealous of them. I feel pity, since they do not know the peace in holding one's own flesh in arms. I am happy listening to my kids chattering. I love to serve good food to my tried husband and the loving hug which he rewards me with. all these are the final happiness which will make ur life a full circle.
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
@reetu3 (264)
• India
4 Jun 10
it has been just opposite in my case i m working professional but i just love to stay at home mom..to after my kids...take care of my home.....you know it is very difficult to adjust both office and home ....that's why sunday is just like a boon...all day long with family....i know kids really suffer when mom is working you should be happy ...but if you want you can do some part time job or some work from home otherwise being mom is full time job....enjoy it
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
i actually tried working at night. i learned a lot of lessons from that. not only that i've sacrificed my health but also time for my child. there's a right time for everything.
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
same here. no amount of money can ever replace a child's life gone awry because a woman (when given the opportunity) chose work instead of raising a child.
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
yeah! i don't get tired packing away my child's toys everyday
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
I'm not a SAHM, but I would commend you for being one. Why? Because it just shows your dedication as a mother to your kids. You give your family lots of quality time, and I think that's what's important in every family. Don't feel guilty if you see your former classmates in regular jobs. Just think that you are all successful in your respective careers. In your case, as a SAHM.
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
thanks moonchild! anything worth doing is worth doing well...i chose to take this path so i think and i hope i'm doing good.
@sahm01 (22)
• United States
22 Jun 10
When I run into someone I just say "Yeah, I have a new boss (my child) but I still get yelled at. He is a pretty demanding job". The person will laugh and then we talk about how cute my baby boy is.... I sometimes metion the colic and how it would not have worked out for me to be at work at first...(my husband was overseas at the time)
• Philippines
8 Jun 10
i feel exactly the way you do. But at the end of the day, its my life. And as i always tell my friends, being a mom is never a job, its a career! And yes, im a proud stay at home mom too (^_^) Cheers to us!!
@sender621 (14934)
• United States
4 Jun 10
People who work their jobs outside of the home in today's society tend to look down on stay at home moms. They don't understand that a stay at home mom's job is equally as important. there are so many benefits to being a stay at home mom. it doesnt mean that you are worthless or lazy in any way. i have worked outside of the home and as a stay at home mom. The pay may not have been great for staying at home, but life is greater enriched in time spent with my children. Stay at home moms deserve our praise not our criticism.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
4 Jun 10
Hi Ersanmiguel, There is no shame in being a stay-at-home mom. It should never be about what others think but all to do with what works for you and your family. Your kids won't be this small for very long and then you have the rest of your life to do other things if you want. You will never ever be able to get these days back. You are lucky that finances allow you to stay home with them and so are your kids.
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
I used to be irritated also being asked where I worked when I opted to become a stay at home mom .. However, after a few weeks, I came to accept the fact that I need to stay at home for my daughter. . Now I am reaping the rewards of having stayed at home to take care of my daughter for quite sometime.
@llbo1981 (1241)
• China
4 Jun 10
I respect the stay at home mom.The women do this are very great in the family.Think anout that the women are not stay at home and do not the housework,the men will have less time to earn money.And the men will tired a lot.So the stay at home mom is great,it is necessary for us to say thank you.
@ann101 (519)
• China
4 Jun 10
Don't be shamed of being SAHM,your classmates will come across the same situation when they become mom too.Being with your child is a great thing and you will find how fantastic the baby's growing is.You watch them learn to walk,to speak,to eat ,to wear clothes and try to express themselves.They give you surprise every day.Although I am not a SAHM,but I play with my daughter every day when i am off work and I enjoy the time with her very much.They will go to school in a few years later so then you can go out to find a job and maybe you can go to other countries like your classmates too.Good luck!
@indahfth (11169)
• Indonesia
4 Jun 10
housewives - proud to be housewives.
Feels great when I heard there was a woman graduate of a prestigious university has been working in a bona fide company with millions of rupiah per month salary. Not to mention the companies often assign a woman to fly abroad to settle affairs of the company. As illustrated by the success he has achieved. Most people would think so. Something more is considered a success in terms of material, so if there is something that does not give the value of the materials will be underestimated. The view that it's time women did not just stay at home to be a mother, but now it is time women 'show the existence of self' outside. Describing as if staying at home being a mother is low. a heavy responsibility in the waistband of a mother, it signifies that being a housewife is a noble profession and highly respected. I am proud to be housewives.