do you think living together is the best way to know your partner?
June 4, 2010 10:05pm CST
I guess its a good idea but not really a great one.Theres an advantage and disadvantage of it.The advantages are: you'll get to know his way of living,daily routines,mannerisms,likes and dislikes.The Disadvantages are: after knowing each other you'll end up having turns off and realizing he/she is not the one and maybe you'll breaking up or the excitement and thrills will gone coz you see each other everyday. Living together has its advantages and disadvatages but its really up to u guys how to work it out.What do you think guys?Let me know what you think about living together?a good idea or not?
5 Jun 10
hello zsarhea.. for me it is a good idea cos how can you know a person unless you both did not spent time being together? in this way both of you will see your own differences and if you think you can take all the negative sides of your partners and still love him/her despite of it then for sure both of you will stay together forever..
5 Jun 10
I think before marriage live together is not a good idea according to Indian culture before living is not a good for a boy or a girl because it is not a way to know about your partner if want to know about your partner so you have many ways to find her or his nature and attitude so try to find another way to search your partner quality.
5 Jun 10
i think it is all on the advantage side, your disadvantage is somewhat advantage still cause you will be saving a lot of time and money if you find out that you are not really compatible, as divorce or annulment is expensive in some countries like ours divorce is not allowed. excitement is a factor in relationship that you put work into it. when you settle down anyway, you will be seeing each other a lot anyway, so i don't think it is more important. living together is only a subject of criticism by moralist and if you follow certain ethics on your religion then that is the time that living together is not an option.. life is trial and error, that includes relationships.. i can only see a greater motivation in keeping the relationship when you are already married cause you are committed to each other and had vows, rather than living together you can just always quit or take the easy way out.
5 Jun 10
zsarhea, Karen Nave once said: "“Sometimes we strive so hard for perfection that we forget that imperfection is happiness” Sometimes, I just wonder if those traits that you mentioned like mannerisms, personal routines, likes, dislikes and even habits are the essence of every relationships. So, it means that when there's something you see and you don't like it, you walk. Is that it? As I see couples go about their hassles of trying out one another to find that fit or rather perfect fit, I have to ask them sometimes as they approach me with this subject - Is there such thing as a perfect fit, when everyone around including me is so imperfectly born and raised? Relationship is not about looking at each other (most of the time), it is looking collectively together in one direction. It is where every time when there are differences, both people will be willing to sit down and talk about it for a solution. It is where when both are having a bad day or quarrels, are willing to relent to come together, sit down and talk about how to solve their animosities and look forward to being together again. It is about people with so much differences in them are willing to come to a compromise and live together. Love is like a light in an oil lamp as in the words of Mother Theresa: "To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it. " and it does not need all those traits you mentioned to do it. William James, an American philosopher once quoted "Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” So, apt to couples and people in any relationships should remember hard. I hate to say this but all this try outs or trial and error or cohabitation are more damaging and devastating than people actually know as in the words of Tim Robbins: “When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” That's right, we are not looking for any successful relationships but for every eventual failure in every relationship, here.
• United States
5 Jun 10
I agree. If you are going to cohabitate with someone just to see if you're right for each other, then why have a relationship? We'll only be looking for failures and will be expecting failures if we constantly try. I don't buy the whole "saving up on money because divorce is expensive" argument. Just the mere mention of the statement doesn't give value to relationships in the first place. If it doesn't work out, what happens? One of you will have to move out. Which means that one of you will have to look for another place to live, which also means that one of you will have to buy furniture and handle living expenses and whatnot.
6 Jun 10
hoestly,i can`t live too long time with my parents,that not mean i don`t love them,cos i always thought everyone could have their own space to feel the life,at the same time,each person have their style.so i choose my hoilday to live with them or travel together. and for my parnter,i could choose live with him to test what the real people he is,that`s necessary for our future.