Self Harm - And Why I Did It
By Rosie
@rosie230 (1700)
June 6, 2010 1:42pm CST
Self harm - Is it attention Seeking? Well in my personal experience of this subject, no it is not. The reason why I say this is because personally speaking I used to self harm myself, and I never did it for people to see, I never told anyone that I did it, and even to this day my parents still dont know that I did it. I was a teenager when I first self-harmed myself, I was never really happy with myself, I always looked at other girls and wished I was as pretty as them or as thin as them. I hated going to school, I struggled with certain subjects at school, and never felt like I fitted in. From that time when my teenager years began I suffered with depression. I felt lonley all the time, I felt like I had no life, that I would never be anybody. Years later it had got so bad, that I was taken to the Doctor by my boyfriend because all I was doing was crying, all the time and for no reason. It was so bizarre that I cant even remember it that well. I lost so much weight, and practically stopped eating, I began mumbling to myself, I was cold all the time, and then I would lock myself away in the bathroom, and get a razor and cut myself... then I would feel better. My boyfriend was the onlt person who knew what I had done to myself, and luckily for me he stood by me, and even when I was doing it and didnt tell him what I had done, he said nothing he just took care of me. I was never judged by him for what I had done, but I have read some articles that suggest that people who self harm, are only doing it to get the attention that they need in their lives. Well this is so wrong. The reason why I did it was basically because I got very angry with myself, and felt so frustrated with myself, that everytime I cut myself it made the pain I felt inside, go away, and yet I had no pain on the outside where I was cutting myself, maybe if I had felt the pain of my skin being cut then I wouldn't have done it, but I didn't feel anything, other than relief of the fact that the anger, frustration and sadness that I was carrying around with me inside had completley gone. There are lots of people who self harm, who do it to make themselves feel better, not because they want attention. Self harm is serious and part of depression which is an illness.
4 people like this
7 responses
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
6 Jun 10
Wow :o
I wouldn't have suspected you would have been someone who self-harmed herself.
But I think some people mean by not enough attention, is because people didn't really come to you and that could have figured a lower amount of attention towards you, which made you upset after a while and by self-harming the pain went away? I don't really know much about it, but I hope they meant it in this way, cause otherwise they would just be wrong... Self-harm is pretty serious if you would look at some photos some people upload, but I really hope it didn't go that far with you :o
4 people like this
@rosie230 (1700)
•
6 Jun 10
When I did that I was young and very vulnerable, and it was caused by depression and problems that occured in my life. Too much pain can become overwhelming, and leave you angry at yourself. I had all the attention anyone could ever want, lots of friends and co-workers and family, but no one knew what I was hiding. It was something I did, that I did not like to tell people about.
2 people like this
@karen1969 (1779)
•
15 Jun 10
I was the same. My parents were wonderful, I had a very good childhood and could talk to them about anything. Self-harm was a private thing, something I hid and I didn't need to look for attention, as my parents were attentive enough.
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
True confession from the person itself.
I believed in you dear,doctors or writers can say this and that or write articles.
But,someone who knows better is the one who undergone such situation.
Jumping into conclusion is always easy,but realizing the truth behind it is too difficult.
I am proud of you,for beating up this kind of situation.
You are too brave to be accounted for having such emotional burden.
It is easy for me say and give advice,which i know you have already tried but to no avail.
Living in this world is full of stress,battling with it is not easy.
At least you can tell yourself you had your own way of dealing your enveloped emotion.
Your boyfriend is really great for being on your side,and understanding you.
Just let go of your emotions,and pray.
Communicating with God is the best solution when we don't know whom we can run to.
Be brave always dear
3 people like this
@rosie230 (1700)
•
6 Jun 10
Thank You for your kind words...
This indeed was one of the most darkest times of my life, and I am proud to have beaten this, and I am not scared of telling people here about it, I know I am not the only one that has suffered like this, some still are, but after a lot of thought and wondering whether i should post this, I decided that I would, because I felt people need to understand if someone they know is like this, then maybe they can help them, by understanding why.
3 people like this
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
i been into trials,pain and emotional stress too dear.
I know how hard it is to felt all alone,with no one to cry with.
Financially i was down,emotionally broke and battling with my pride.
I can say i am a survivor myself,one thing i learned from those trials is
" no one can help you,but you,yourself alone" with the guidance of God of course.
Coz,no matter how other people helped you,if we do not help ourselves,every effort is useless.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
9 Jun 10
Hi Rosie, I spotted this discussion and wasabout to answer when my computer started playing up, Sunday night I think. My eldest daughter is actually doing research and study on self harm and also the effects ithas on others around them. She got people who had and families who had suffered to fill in the forms, annoymously of course, there are indeed some especially these days that do it to attention seek as it became a trend even with weebsites telling them how to harm. The real people with a genuine problem with it hide it rather than show. I am close to someone that self harmed over a period of three - four years but with help and counselling now has other outlets to vent her anger etc. It was great that you had a suportative boyfriend aroundyou. The people that I have spoken too says that just before they harm they feel liketheir head is going to explode as they are so full of emotiion and that to cut release the pressure somehow. Huggles. Ellie :D
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Jun 10
hi rosie I think you may have left a discussion here that might help other who self harm themselves and their loved ones. if it just helps]a view it would be worth your time to have written it. so many of us just have bought the rubber stamped idea its just to seek attention but I felt it was more a cry for help from a severely depressed person who needs
medical and mental help, its an illness and should be looked at as such
and taken seriously. the loved ones of the self harmer should see to gettin the right help for this individual as soon as possible.
3 people like this
@rosie230 (1700)
•
6 Jun 10
It is something that sadly does have people thinking the worst, and there should be more done about it, as this kind of thing is hard to beat. If I have helped someone here then I have achieved something good, which makes me happy. Because self-harmers can hide thier pain so easily, I feel like this is a reason as to why the help is not readily avaliable to them, which in turn can make the situation get out of hand.
2 people like this
@Auntiescarf (842)
•
6 Jun 10
Rosie it is so true what you have said. I used to self harm, it went on for nearly ten years. I suffered from depression, my circumstances were a bit different but the feelings seem to be the same. Its true, I also had no pain on the outside when I was doing it, and was doing it to take away the inside pain that I was feeling. When I think back to these times it almost feels like it didnt happen to me, it feels as if I were a completely different person.
Im now happy to say that I havent self harmed for nearly 4 years, and even though I still have the scars, it is only now that I will wear short sleeved tops. When I was self-harming I used to keep it all covered up, but I have come to terms with the fact that my scars are always probably going to be there, so Im not going to spend the rest of my life hiding away and trying to cover myself up. I get people asking what the scars are for and Im honest with them. Im not ashamed of what I have done in the past, as it has made me a stronger person. If people want to talk about me because they have seen my arms then thats their choice, I have realised that I cant control how people think of me.
The one thing I have realised is that so many more people self harm than we are aware of. People who say it is done for attention dont realise the amount of people who do it. For years nobody could tell that I was depressed as I had a smile on my face everyday. This is what a lot of self-harmers do, they put a smile on their face, so nobody will know what is going on, attention is the last thing they want, as they dont want anyone to know what is going on.
I hope you have managed to get through your depression. And I hope that you are now free of self-harm. I hope you realise that you are not on your own, theres a lot of understanding people out there.
@rosie230 (1700)
•
6 Jun 10
It's nice to hear from someone else who has been there. I am glad that you too are no longer self harming. I also stopped a while ago now, though I still suffer with depression, but not as much as I did back then. I am also not ashamed of what I did, back then it was completely normal to me, I did not think any different, because perhaps I was just not thinking at all. The trouble is as you know, when depression hits everything else gets pushed away, and your in a world of your own. I had many people around me, and I too hid away my troubles, and lived life the way everyone else did, and smiled and laughed with my friends, even now I do the same, nobody knows about the problems i have in my life, and unless I tell someone they will never know. But I am someone who deals with things alone, and if I want to cry I do it behind closed doors. I have always had to deal with depression, and I can deal with it now, without the self harming getting in the way.
3 people like this
@Auntiescarf (842)
•
7 Jun 10
Im glad you have found a way to deal with your depression instead of using self-harm. I find that self-harm and depression both are a vicious circle, with depression, the more you have it the worse you feel, and you are in a dark place that you cannot get out of. And with self-harm, you do it because you think it will make you feel better, then after a while you feel worse, so that makes you want to do it again. If you have both to deal with then its very hard, but you can get out of it. Please dont ever think that you cannot beat this, because you can, even if you dont believe it, you can get through this.
2 people like this
@karen1969 (1779)
•
15 Jun 10
I completely agree with you. I also used to self-harm as a teenager by cutting myself or putting my hands in boiling water. I didn't tell anyone either, it was just something that helped, it alleviated my feelings of anger and sadness, it was a kind of release. I think self-harm is linked to depression, as I suffered from clinical depression as an adult too.
1 person likes this
@chirag2006 (123)
• China
7 Jun 10
i think u r suffering from inferiority complex dont think u r less in anything from there is the bestway to live so dont worry about it dont ever harm ur self by doing this u r challange nature so please dont do it
