How do i help my wife cope with the loss of her dad ?

June 7, 2010 9:47am CST
My wifes dad passed away this morning after losing a long battle with cancer. My wife is obviously devastated. I am there for her but i do not know what else i can do. I feel so helpless.
2 people like this
5 responses
@kykidd (6818)
• United States
7 Jun 10
I think it would be a good idea if you can keep her busy for one. I have known people that have been devistated by the loss of a child and took time off work. This is obviously a good thing to do, but until they can keep busy and think about other things they are going to be really upset. Perhaps a hobby or maybe a good book. Joel Osteen has a book that has one chapter that focuses on this type of situation if you can get her to read it. It is titled "Your Best Life Now - 7 Steps to a Better You". Unfortunately, that is about all that you can do. She is going to have to go through a mourning period for a while. And after that it will take time, but hopefully she will heal. Good luck to you and your wife, and my condolences. By the way, I noticed that you are fairly new here on myLot, so let me send out a great big "WELCOME" to you.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 10
Glenn - Sorry to hear about your family's loss. But rest assured she will make it through this. You just need to be understand and caring when she has her emotional melt downs. Time will heal some of the sorrow. And when she needs a reassuring thought just remind her that he is in a better place, free of the cancer and pain that it had caused. That we cry for our own losses because the person that has passed on would say don't cry for me, but rejoice in my life.
1 person likes this
@Wizzywig (7858)
7 Jun 10
My sincere sympathies go to your wife (& you) as I know what its like to lose your dad & a parent-in-law to cancer. When I lost my dad, I wanted to be able to talk about him when I wanted to without HAVING to. I swung between remembering all the funny things & the overwhelming grief that he was gone. A lot of the time, I just wanted to be on my own with my thoughts and memories & certainly didnt want all the "hugs & sympathy & mournful faces" bit. However, there is a very thin line between being TOO sympathetic & not sympathetic enough. When my mother-in-law passed away, my husband barely mentioned her for months - different people need different things. The fact that you are there for her if & when she needs you is probably all you can do. Just make sure all the practical everyday things like taking the bins out, buying bread, etc get done without taking over - she may want to keep doing 'normal' things. If she feels like crumbling, support her. Best wishes to both of you & the rest of the family.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jun 10
The only thing you can do for her Glenn is to be a shoulder to cry on. I just lost my mum too. It was devastating and traumatic especially when i saw her face down on the floor swollen with bruises and cuts on her lips and chin. My husband just stood by me and held me tight when i cried those times. We dont need advice, we dont need soothing words glenn. We just needed to cry and cry and cry. And all you wanted to do for her is to stay close and hold her when she cry. Its a process we need to go through until that pain calms down and subside. Its a long process though, be very patient... My sympathy.
@prinzcy (5036)
• Malaysia
8 Jun 10
My condolence to both of you. It is tough when someone you love passed away. When my dad passed away five years ago, I didn't want anyone came and speak softly like I was mentally unable. I appreciate they being nice but somehow the way they speak make me felt angry. Like they're pitying me. I know I sound weird but that's how I felt. I just want them to stand beside me, that's all. But your wife might feel different in this matter. But make sure to be with her. She'll need you the most now.