What do you say when.....
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
United States
June 9, 2010 7:18am CST
Now I have posted before about my brother in law and his wife and this one is a little different because it is more about how they treat their kids and not their life style per say as it usually is. They where here over the weekend and the kids where being what they are kids. Now both of my in laws yell, a lot, with out really backing up what they say so there is usually a lot of yelling and little actual discipline going on. Their kids are not bad really just a little hyper and the one is over curious and does get into things quite a bit, again not being bad but he wanted to see if the fish would eat cheese balls and poured half a basket in the tank, he's 4...lol actually I thought that was funny. Any way my SIL not only yelled her head off but was telling him he was so stupid. This irked me badly. I have asked my own kids why they have done stupid things but would never tell them they are stupid. She berates them with comments like this all the time and at one point told her 5 year old daughter she was a b*tch. I really didn't like that. We do not speak to our kids that way at all. Now this behaviour upsets my kids. My oldest knows what many of the names mean unlike her younger sister and it was upsetting to her. My 4 yr old asked her aunt strait out why she was being mean at one point and my SIL said it was because they needed to hear it.
How do I ask for them not to speak this way, at least in our home without it turning into a big deal? I mean I talked to my kids and although the older girls get that it is how she is and there is nothing we can do but ignore her my youngest doesn't get that yet, I said it to her but she doesn't get it. I do not like it or want it in our home how do I say this with out starting a war back up between the brothers when we are tentatively in a truce so to say?
2 people like this
3 responses
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
10 Jun 10
I really don't know how you have managed to bite your tongue on this one. I'm not sure that I could. Talking to kids like that all the time is going to damage their self-esteem beyond repair. It's verbal abuse. The fact that they yell and yell and don't do anything to actually correct the children's behavior tells me that they are not only abusive but they are lazy and neglectful. I don't really know how you could get thru to them without starting a war or even if it would help. I suppose you could try to talk the mother over coffee and just in a non-confrontational way, let her know that you are concerned. They just don't seem like the type of people who would be open to constructive criticism.
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
10 Jun 10
I have spoken to her but she doesn't see it. I know why she doesn't see it, her mother was and still is the same way. For her there is nothing wrong with it because she too was raised that way. My husband and his brother where also raised in a very negative home, at least from their father. Where my husband and his oldest brother see their past as a way not to raise their kids, the brother from above believes he turned out OK so, so will his kids. They had gotten better for a while but since he walked out on his job and hasn't found a new one in 6 months the stress has seemed to bring it right back out. We had not spent much time with them since this happened only a little time at Easter so we hadn't realized it had gotten so bad again.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
10 Jun 10
Hi opinionated Lady: First of all I think this must be a horrible way to treat little kids. I understand that it bothers you and at the same time it's a big problem because people don't like that other person tells them how to educate their children. I think you should invite your in laws to a dinner in a restaurant and at the middle of the conversation give them this advice, remarking that even if it's not your business they are in your house and that you don't like that you're children hear these bad words. You can also add that there are some other ways to teach your children how to be good boys. Thanks for sharing with us this situation. Have a nice day.
ALVARO
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
10 Jun 10
We have spoken to them before and things had gotten better but as their situation gets worse so does their behaviour.
@syankee525 (6249)
• United States
9 Jun 10
ok for one they are the dumb ones.. you dont talk to kids that young or whatever age like that by calling them names.
and the main thing you said in your home. tell them straight up you dont like the way they talk to thier kids in (your home) and in front of your kids. i would be straight up and tell them.
then i would talk with your brother, and tell him this will teach the kids the wrong impression and they will start talking to people in the same manner.
yeah parnets like this i would love to reach out and b**ch slap them
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
10 Jun 10
We have spoken to them and things had been better for a while but they have gone down hill over time again. They where raised this way they see no real issue with it. I even sent them some articles about it but they don't seem to think it is an issue. As for my husband's brother they where raise in a negative home and what he says is actually a lot better then what he grew up hearing (so sad really I now) that he doesn't think it is so bad to say to the kids at all.
