what do you do if a friend just refuses to take good advice?
By alchan72
@alchan72 (67)
India
June 15, 2010 11:10pm CST
Hey Mylotters!
I've a friend who's been through various surgeries over the years, and has undergone a major spine surgery a year back. Her back is not healing and now, her hands have started going numb because of the nerves connection with the spine. Even her kids have been severely ill in recent past and were diagnosed with being asthematic.
She belongs to a family of doctors, and is a firm believer in allopathy, despite not having much success with it. I've tried my level best at various points in her difficult times to impress upon her to consult my personally tried ayurvedic and homeopathic doctors. SHE JUST REFUSES TO LISTEN!!
She discussed her medical conditions with me frequently without accepting any suggestion that I give her. I'm genuinely concerned about her and her kid's health and I do have reason to believe that alternative medicines, especially the doctors I recommend can really be of use to her. I, in fact, tried to tell her that even though they may not succeed, what is wrong in giving them one chance....Now I've stopped saying anything to her, and her condition is not very good...
Does she want me to just listen to her travails and empathise with her asto how life is really hard for her, without giving any suggestions? I feel frustrated and upset....what do you do when someone just refuses to listen....
3 people like this
14 responses
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 10
Many people dislike being told on what to do, however good the intention of the person giving the advice. This is especially true when they have some knowledge on the issue, and have taken an action path.
As I understand it you have been telling her the virtues of homoeopathy. Did you furbish any proof? Many of us would believe in something if the proof is in front of our eyes. Even so a small group would still refuse to change no matter what happens.
Do you think that you should adopt a different strategy, like bringing her to see someone who recovered from the same illness using homoeopathic remedies?
@alchan72 (67)
• India
16 Jun 10
Hi Rosdimy!
I myself am the 'proof'!! She's seen me benefit immensely from the alternative therapies... but she resolutely says that she doesn't believe in it! I guess I just need to detach myself and watch from afar...in case she wants my help ever! Thanx for your comments!
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 10
That is what I meantby a small group would still refuse to change no matter what happens. It is likely that she has been mentally hypnotised, believing that only allopathy provides a cure, and the rest are just placebos.
Maybe one day she will lsuffer from a severe attack, and the only remedy available is, say, phosphoricum. Maybe only then she will believe.
@xasasa (321)
• United States
17 Jun 10
I know it is very frustrating when you are trying to give good advice to someone who doesn't want to listen. Usually when I give advice I try to do it in a way that doesn't pressure the person that I am giving advice. Since personally I am turned away from advice when it is pushed on me.
With your friend, all she may want is a person to vent to. What I would do is bring your friend literature on the alternative medicine and give it to her to read. Let your friend know that you care about her and that is why you are giving her information. Then I would just leave the door open. She may not listen to you or she may wait a while before she listens but you can know that you tried to help your friend.
@o0jopak0o (6394)
• Philippines
17 Jun 10
well i think being a friend its just the best you can do is to give an advice. But telling her relatives might be a good choice.
@girishks5 (5)
• India
17 Jun 10
If my friend will refuse my good advice, i'll give him some time to think the other way but after few days i'll again suggest the same to him for better results. if he still refuses i'll try to clear the things to him through other sources like i'll teach the such things to his mother, sister or somebody from family to guide him the right way.
@Lochoa (222)
• United States
16 Jun 10
I don't know anyone in that situation but just as an overall general answer...I usually don't give advice to people I know. I only give suggestions b/c people are very hard headed and think they know best ever though they asked you for your advice! It's weird I know but most people just need to vent sometimes and not really want advice or even suggestions even though they ask!
So when I give a suggestion they can take it and if not it was a suggestion so I don't get upset if they don't take it. Plus even if they did take your advice and it doesn't work out they blame you for it being a waste of time or didn't help them at all.
Trust me I'm young but have had plenty of situations where people ask for advice I give it to them and our relationship changes for the worst after that. Now that I give general suggestions and ideas for them to research about it's beeen alot better b/c they are making the decision on their own so if it ends up being a mistake they can only blame themselves b/c they make that choice.
I hope this helps and all you can do right now is try to be patient with your friend and try to help her and her kids as much as possible b/c you don't want to turn you're back on them b/c if something happens for the worse then you'll feel bad for not being there as a friend. You know?
I hope this helps you
@durgabala (1360)
• India
16 Jun 10
Usually I wait for the right time to advice. Many people don't like advices. Leave if she doesn't want to listen to u now. Wait and see, she will come to you for advice once she understands about ayurveda and homeopathy medicines.
@hjr1983abc (154)
• China
17 Jun 10
Maybe she has something worry about .If you are her friend ,you must never give up.You can do something to prove you are right.Good luck .
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
16 Jun 10
Hi Alchan,
Your advice does actually sound pretty good and logical. If you were my friend, I would have listened and at least given it a try. Could it be that her insurance won't cover it? Regardless, you can't force her to take your advice and since she seems to not want it then I would just be her good friend and listen to her and sympathize with her. I would stop giving the advice. Maybe eventually she will ask for the names of the doctors that you are trying to recommend for her.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
16 Jun 10
alchan72,
I think you probably need to give her some slack as she has really gone through a lot over the years.
Sometimes, you just need to trust her to be able to make good judgment and decisions for herself. Since she has decided to place herself under the knife and western medicine, I suppose she is already quite prepared for whatever is coming her way.
A supportive and understanding shoulder should suffice during these times. I know you are also thinking ahead for her here but let's not rush especially when she is unwell and recovering. Place yourself in her shoes, I am sure you will understand the things in her mind and the last thing she would want would be to decide to undergo another form of therapy or medications.
On the hindsight, I do understand that ayurvedic and homeopathic therapies does seem to complement Western medications and treatments. You may try bringing your specialist to visit her and hopefully share more effectively with her. Or, better still bring some natural medications to aid her recovery and at the same time provide some relief from those painful side effects of whatever she is undergoing. To people who are new to this form of therapy, experience would probably be the best teacher and persuasion your friend could ever have.
Hope my $0.02 worth will be of help here.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
17 Jun 10
hi alchen, it is every person's right to decide what kind of treatment she will have to undertake. Especially that she comes from a family of doctors, it's very hard to convince her to take your advice since her beliefs on allopathic medicine is very founded and very firm.
The thing is, you have done your part by giving her that suggestion but whatever her decision is, that's out of your hands. So be at peace because you have done your part. Now it's up to her.
Just go on being a friend, empathize with her, listen to her. That alone heals her emotionally and probably mentally. You can pray for her of course.
At the same time, continue to be health conscious. In time she will see that homeopathy does so much good than it does so much harm. Be some sort of role model to her. Hopefully she will learn to open herself to some other treatments.
@maezee (41997)
• United States
16 Jun 10
If they refuse to take advice, the best thing that we can do is support that and quit trying to push our suggestions on to them. They may be wrong, or so we think, but often times it just feels right to let them experience life in their own way, make their own mistakes, and just allow our friends to exercise their sense of free will. It's just life. It sucks, but there doesn't seem to be a whole bunch we can do. I have tons of friends who ignore my suggestions and advice - when they often complain about their problems and rarely take proactive measures to prevent them or solve them. It's frustrating, but you kind of have to let them take their own path, and hope that someday they'll get it right!
@sathya264 (174)
• India
17 Jun 10
I dont leave him. i will tell him untill he believe that what iam telling and also explain him what happens if bad is taken and good advice is choosen.Even then also he wont be able to me. Then i will show some examples who already struggled in that problems and again explain clearly friendly then he finally understands what i am saying and agree my advice.
@charylady (419)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
i think you have done your part in trying to give her advice. if she refuses to listen then that's her decision. you just have to be there for her.
@elvieb02 (695)
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
hi!
if your friend doesn't listen to your "good" advice, don't take it badly. That's why advice is called advice because they are just suggestions based on your belief. It is her life who will be affected by your advice so just support her in any ways even if she didn't take your advice.
@nickholmes (51)
• United States
16 Jun 10
i've noticed that whenever there's a really tough decision to make other people's advice dosent really matter. take my situation for example. ive been dating this girl for almost five years now, but my friends hate her. their 'advice' is for me to leave her and move on. i've realized that i think shes the one i want to marry even though we had a little bit of a rough start. what i'm trying to say is... some people just need to figure things out for themselves.
[not that your advice wasnt good (: ]
