You can't please everybody....mom vs. boyfriend

@missybear (11391)
United States
June 21, 2010 3:45pm CST
My mom's been here for almost 2 weeks now and she bought me a couple really nice things like "Kitchen curtains, clothe a really cute rod iron glass table and some other little things. We did some rearranging and everything looks really nice. Of course my boyfriend doesn't agree with everything we did but of the most part he was really happy with things. He likes lots of stuff everywhere my mom likes the neat and clean look....now he doesn't like the table be course our little corner looks empty but I don't wanna change it around be course my mom bought it and I don't wanna hurt her feelings by moving it.. So now I leave it till she leaves and then I rearrange it so he's happy You thing it's wrong for me to take my moms side over my boyfriends since he lives here and she doesn't?
5 people like this
14 responses
@echomonster (2226)
• Greenwood, Mississippi
21 Jun 10
I don't think it's asking for too much to keep things the way they are until your mom leaves. Why create tension over a fairly insignificant thing? You can do some rearranging to please the boyfriend after she's gone. The only reason it might become an issue is if you think mom might be moving in permanently!
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
She is only here on vacation so anything goes after wards
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
22 Jun 10
Hi Missybear, No, I don't think you are wrong in this situation. It is furniture after all and too trivial to risk hurting the mom's feelings over when you can easily change things up when she is gone. She means well and hopefully your boyfriend sees that and respects her enough to see that her intentions are good.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
22 Jun 10
Oh my mother was like that. Most of the time they were nice things but I have to say...not always. Once she came over with these horrible horrible big loud red and yellow flowered drapes for my living room! They did not go with anything that I had. She got them at a yard sale somehow saw beauty in them. She got very offended when I said that I didn't like them. I ended up putting them up just to keep peace. That's just one of many examples.
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
She's looking to move some stuff around in my bedroom but that's when I told her."Maybe next time you're here"
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
She always changes something when she's here and it's usually always really nice.
1 person likes this
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
22 Jun 10
"he lives here and she doesn't" pretty much says it all. It's his house too, not hers. You have to make compromises with each other about your living space not everyone else.
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
That's true but if it was up to him we would never get anything different or new course he don't like going out to look at things. So when my mom comes she buys me stuff so I can enjoy something new and different.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
21 Jun 10
It doesn't hurt to pamper mom while she is there then change it back so everyone is happy....I don't think it's really taking sides.....more like giving respect to your mom.
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
I found a good solution to make everyone happy, I changed it around and now they both like it.
• Hong Kong
22 Jun 10
Hi missybear Don't think you are wrong to take your mom's side. She is elder and I think sometime we should respect the elderly or at least don't hurt their feelings, moreover, your mom just stay at your place for a short period of time. I think I am the lucky one, more than often, I don't need to please both sides of them, instead my mom is so considerate and always take my hubby's side, then both sides are happy and satisfied with the results.
• Hong Kong
22 Jun 10
Sorry wrong post, just want to say I agree with what jillhill said, it just like kind of respect to our moms, and grown men should understand this kind of respect well.
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
23 Jun 10
I think your mom will understand it as long as you still keep her things not throwing it away because your boy friend don't like to see it in the place where it was. We should remember that men and women have different perspectives when it comes to home making. But then, you have the option of doing that just to please your boy friend. It is not good to always fight everyday just for the arrangement of the home. hahaha.. Just live it that way.. so that there will be peace and happiness where you both are now.
@missybear (11391)
• United States
23 Jun 10
We're happy now, everybody agreed to the new arrangement
• United States
21 Jun 10
Hi missybear, if it was me, I would just leave things the way they are and then we your dear mom goes home changer it that way you and your boyfriends wants. By all means, let him know your plans. Take care Snow
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
He was watching us but never said anything till we were done, but he's pretty easy going so he's happy now with the way I redid it and so is mom
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 10
That's wonderful. Take care, sweetie Snow
• India
22 Jun 10
wonderful decision. good one. since its a deadlock, u can go with this choice which temporarily makes mom happy and then after she leaves makes your boyfriend happy.
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
Sometimes it's worse than going to work when you try to please everybody
@34momma (13882)
• United States
22 Jun 10
i don't think you are taking sides. leaving a silly table where you mother thinks is a good idea until she lives is a great idea. she is happy because you like her idea. adn when she leaves your boyfriend will be happy because you changed it. tell your boyfriend it's called compromise. it's what makes everyone happy!
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
That's right...I'm really lucky though course he's real easy when it comes to change. Sometimes he fusses at first but then he really don't care what I do.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
22 Jun 10
Hey missy! This one is so easy to fix! Once mom is gone you can do whatever you want because it is "your" home! If you don't want it to stay the way it is then you can fix it back anyway you that you want! Of course you can put it back because she won't know until her next visit! If you want to put the table she bought into a corner then do it! You and the "bear" have to live there, not mom! Do what is best for the two of you! I know I sure would!
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
We figured it out and now we all like it, but I would have left it for her and then changed it after she left . She be back in 2 years by then we can put it back.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
22 Jun 10
Nahh...I don't think it's a big deal unless he makes one out of it. Something about moms. Gotta make them happy when they visit. I bet he would want the same thing if his mom comes over. Don't sweat it.
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
Thanks....I feel better already, we did a little rearranging and now everybody is happy.
@piya84 (2581)
• India
22 Jun 10
Your boyfriend isnt complaining about it although he hasent like that arrangement.I think he has mummy too and he understand it perfectly.If he says something tell him let her go and we will rearrange it once again. Life is just like that.Its all about balancing things.
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
You're right and it all worked out for the good at the end
• United States
21 Jun 10
I agree with KellyGwen. Next time she comes see you and it is not there, just tell her is was time to rearrange. I do the same for my mom, although I do not have a boyfriend at the moment. But my mom was down and I had to work one day and came home and she rearranged my whole apartment. I did not like it, but knew I was going to keep it that way until she left. They try to please. Gotta love mom.
@missybear (11391)
• United States
21 Jun 10
We do this every time she comes and she does have very good taste but sometimes I like a little bit of clutter myself.
@KellyGwen (193)
• United States
21 Jun 10
I don't know your mom or your boyfriend... but I guess to keep the peace you could be like the people who hang that horrible painting their father painted just for when he visits, and then takes it down right after he leaves! On the "is it wrong" part of the question... life isn't black and white... She is your mother, she will always be your mother... so if this temporary decorating makes her happy (and your boyfriend understands) then I don't see a problem with it! :) You are a good daughter (and girlfriend) for worrying!
@missybear (11391)
• United States
21 Jun 10
I'm sure I leave it till she's gone and the maybe I do a little changing around.
• United States
22 Jun 10
That's a hard decision that everyone must face when in a relationship. Parents expect everything to be the same and to still run the show even when you're not living in their household. I feel that you should respect your mom and thank her for the things that she went out of her way to buy for your household and she can help with decorating, HOWEVER, it is you and YOUR boyfriend's home, so therefore he has to be in agreeance
@missybear (11391)
• United States
22 Jun 10
Luckily we changed some things around and now everybody likes it.. Wait till he sees the lamp that's still in the car that we bought earlier