My Daughter had a dark secret and now its out
By cv1957
@cv1957 (41)
United States
June 23, 2010 3:37pm CST
I have 2 adult children 1 girl and 1 boy my daughter is 32 years of age and about 1 month ago she sent me a text saying that she needed to tell me something important. I thought for sure she would say that she was going to come over so we could talk about the dark secret that she had but no she had to tell me in a text. Anyway first of all I have systemic lupus, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure and COPD. I have been so stressed by what she told me. And my Grand children are taking it so hard I don't know what to do. I am constantly crying because she has told me that she has been a Lesbian for 3 years but she was living with her boyfriend for 4 years. Then out of the blue she said that she did not love him anymore and she left him. Although he was not a good person to her or the kids but how is it that she has known to be a lesbian for 3 years. I am having a hard time dealing with the news she said she was afraid to tell me in person so instead she told me in a text. I have told my daughter so many times to always come to me when ever she needed me or to cry on because I am her mother. she was afraid that I would disown her but I told her I would never do that to her. but I am feeling weird especially when she is talking to her lesbian friend and she calls her babe on the phone. my grand daughter is 13 years old and she heard her mother also call her babe and well right away i saw the expression on her face. we are all taking this hard but I feel more sad for my grand children and I have told her that she needs to sit with them and explain to them why she has done this. Oh please! I need some advise on how to handle this because my illness is getting worse due to the stress and I am really worried about my grand children. I have even told my daughter that maybe she is just going through a faze but no she said that she has been when other women in the past and this was so shocking to hear that my only daughter is a lesbian. I don't have anything against Lesbians or Gays but when it comes to know that its your own kid how does a mother or father handle the news of your daughter being a lesbian. Has anybody here ever gone through this type of situation and how was it handle I am so stressed and very sad.
3 people like this
10 responses
@saliyzhu (64)
• China
24 Jun 10
After i read this , i think it is not a big deal. Lesbians or gays are common in our world. You can accept this. As a mother you will be standing up with your kids whether the decision is right or not. It is her choice. Even if you reject this, i think your daughter will not compiance to you .
1 person likes this
@joyness (13)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
Take care of yourself first. I understand that you are in a very stressful condition.
First, you have to accept the fact that your daughter has her own personality. Staying inside the closet would not do her any good. As for her decision to come out, try to understand and accept her, cause this is just the beginning. Coming out as gay or lesbian is a very liberating decision. However, it will take years and years of doubt and questioning what had happened, or what have you done, or why exactly she chose to be that way. It's easier if the person is just someone not related to you, like the heck you cared. But if it's a relative, your own blood, that's gonna be a different story. As the saying goes, the truth shall set us free, but sometimes, it will first make us miserable. So deal with it, you will soon get the hang of it.
I believe from what you have said, your daughter tried the best that she can to be "normal." You don't have to worry about your grand children. Kids nowadays are very, very smart and with your proper guidance and healthy way of explaining things, things would turn out very well. Things happen for a reason. In the end you will just realize the purpose why you are going through all of these.
Cheer up, CV1957! I hope this helps ease your burdens.
1 person likes this
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
As what you said, you're still her mother after what she confessed. Consider how your daughter kept that dark secret from you and her kids for 3 years. Imagine 1095 days of pretending something that you're not. I know even though its shocking and difficult for all of you to accept, its just a matter of time that y'all do.
Don't stress yourself too much over it. Your daughter sounds like a responsible adult that takes care of her kids, so that's something that lessens your stress, does it?. You just have to give more time for your grandchildren, give them proper advices on how to deal with the situation and that even though its unusual that a mother dates another woman, it is their mother's happiness. Just give time. You all should be happy for your daughter because she finally came out. she is finally free.
@cip116 (1011)
• Romania
23 Jun 10
You only have to think about your health.
You can not change anything.
You must that your daughter has difficult moments when he realized what was happening to her.
Your niece is 13 years and here is problem.
You must have patience to explain ,to love their mother
Being lesbian is not a disease.
This is accepted and you have to take things gradually.
1 person likes this
@LeighB (700)
• Thailand
23 Jun 10
From what you have written it could not have been easy.
You are obviously a caring and loving mother and your daughter is aware of this. You have tried to bring her up to follow in your footsteps, but sometimes all children need to go along their own path.
Have you ever considered of the hardship your daughter must of gone through while trying to live a married life that she was suited to and the strength and anguish for her to send you the text message.
First, I would say for you to try and accept her new life style, she is still your daughter underneath it all. And like most parents I would think you want only happiness for her.The last thing she would want is to cause you ill health or suffering.
Secondly, what is in a name? If she calls her partner Babe, I know it sounds strange but I have heard married people call their partners bunny and monkey. The word 'Babe' was used in old gangster movies for his mole or mistress. we have made it in to something more affectionate.
Thirdly, Teach your grand children that this is now an accepted part of life, and that they still have all the love, support and a close family that was there before.
As Tennyson wrote: "It is better to have loved than never loved at all" and at least your daughter is at the hands of a wife beater.
1 person likes this
@cv1957 (41)
• United States
24 Jun 10
Thank you LeighB I will always love my daughter no matter what and yes I myself have been talking with her children and they will always love there mom to. just like i told them yesterday there mom is there mom and nothing or anyone will change that and that they also need to be there for her as i will.
1 person likes this
@mjcduque (3)
• Philippines
24 Jun 10
I think your daughter tried hard to live a normal married life, 'coz for 3 years that she already knew she's a lesbian she still tried to be a good wife and a mother. Let's not condemn her for that what she feels but try to understand her. For now, the one person who needs understanding,love and guidance is your grand daughter. Your grand daughter needs you most, and because of her you'll try your best to be well.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
24 Jun 10
Well I haven't had to go through this but if I had I would be ok with it. All you want for your kids is for them to be happy. You are lucky at least you have grandchildren. There are many girls who come out and they will never give birth to their own. So for that reason be grateful. I would just love her like before and accept this. You will not be able to change her or how she feels. This is who she is. I think you really need to concentrate on your health more so then let this get the better of you. Your health is so much more important at this time. Good Luck and Good Health to you.
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
23 Jun 10
That is probably the best reason she could give in order to get rid of her boyfriend. I can easily understand her making such pronouncement so she could move on from a 4-year relationship that she knew was heading nowhere. I know a handsome guy who been pestered by these women who were openly taunting and tempting him and in order to get rid of them he simply told them he's g*y, so that ended all the women's flirtations. He is actually straight but he just felt that those women were going overboard.
