Darn! Why am missing a guy who is 4 years younger than I am?!?
By KCruzado
@KCruzado (78)
Philippines
June 26, 2010 8:41am CST
It's been almost 2 months now since I came back from Northern Ireland. The place is so lovely - with warm people, green and fresh surrounding. I'm so not over Northern Ireland... and especially not over someone who made me realized that I want to be with someone after all.
Don't get me wrong. Being single is good and I liked it. Or still like it. I gotta do what I want to do without being obligated to ask for someone's opinion or approval. Or without someone asking me where I am headed and when I am coming back. For awhile, I was always having nightmares of me getting married and trying to run away from the ceremony. I always woke up in the middle of a nightmare scared and feeling trapped. Well, dreams (bad or not) are always a product of our subconscious fear or desire.
There was an exchange program that took place in my hometown sometime in 2008. I met one exchange volunteer and we became friends. He's 4 years younger. We were good friends. When I went to Northern Ireland a couple months ago, he flew to my location from Scotland (he's Scottish)just to see me. We spent time together in a mall - eating together, and helping me out with some shopping. He has changed so much in a year's time. He's taller than me and he was just a gentleman. For awhile, his presence brought a feeling of security. I felt more secure having him around. There were awkward moments that we held hands by accident and ... it was just awkward because I was always conscious that he will just be a brother-like to me.
But when he left for Scotland that same day and I had to fly back to my country, he hasn't left my thoughts. And every time I remember him there is a feeling of sadness. Am definitely missing this guy, or kid. I wanna send him a card but am afraid I will send wrong signals. Duh!
2 people like this
6 responses
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
26 Jun 10
Love can happen to anyone. There is no age for falling in love. I know that you are mature to decide if its love or just infatuation that you are feeling. You need to be careful before sending him wrong signals. If you are in touch with him, within a few days, months or conversation you will know if its love or just a crush. if its love and you are comfortable and trust him you can proceed. If not you can decide to be good friends.
@KCruzado (78)
• Philippines
26 Jun 10
Your name is Edwardjoy. Can I assume that you are a guy? If so, what do you do when you like a girl? Cos you guys are so hard to read most of the time. How do you look at a girl who sends cards to you? How can your ego not soar high when you find out that a girl likes you?
1 person likes this
@KCruzado (78)
• Philippines
26 Jun 10
Yeah Edward - that's one thing I don't like about men - your ego =). So why would you want to see the card now? What has changed? Do you guys really change that much? You mature late and most of the time you just want to have fun. I mean am referring to men in general.
What will you feel if you get the card from a girl you don't have any special feelings to?
1 person likes this
@edwardjoy2000 (2387)
• United Arab Emirates
26 Jun 10
yes I am a Guy. If it was in school, I would have thought that the girl likes me. This is bcos I studied in a boys school and had never interacted with girls. But now I would decide on seeing the card. It really makes a difference on the matter of the card. To some extent yes, that will create a fire in me. I am sorry to say but, yes a guys ego will soar high when a girl likes him.
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
26 Jun 10
hello k,
i have been reading the conversations and i thought i could share mine.
there is nothing wrong if you send him a friendly card. that would break the ice, so to speak. 
in any relationship, be it friendly .. or something more, expect that there will be ups and downs. but how will you be able to experience and get a response if you will not even try?
ann
in any relationship, be it friendly .. or something more, expect that there will be ups and downs. but how will you be able to experience and get a response if you will not even try?
ann1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
dear k,
youre worrying about the future when the future is not sure as yet. just go with the flow. time is your friend here. just enjoy it. 
it was a minus point when you said you are just like brother-sister before but i dont see anything wrong if that changes.
communication is the key. send cards, email.. ask how he is.. tell him you had a really good time in Northern Ireland and hopes you get to get a chance to see each other again (that's not too bold, isnt it?).. etc. who knows?
he might just be keeping what he feels for you and is afraid that you will get offended.
good luck!
ann
it was a minus point when you said you are just like brother-sister before but i dont see anything wrong if that changes.
communication is the key. send cards, email.. ask how he is.. tell him you had a really good time in Northern Ireland and hopes you get to get a chance to see each other again (that's not too bold, isnt it?).. etc. who knows?
he might just be keeping what he feels for you and is afraid that you will get offended.
good luck!
ann1 person likes this
@KCruzado (78)
• Philippines
28 Jun 10
Thank you Ann for your sensibility and time spent in sharing your thoughts. This is what I really like about myLot. I get to talk to people who have sound ideas and perspective on different matters. This is also a healthy cross-cultural community for all of us =). Blessings to you always.
2 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
26 Jun 10
I think 4 years is a very small age difference, to be honest. I've been in a long-term relationship with a guy that was 12 years my junior. Unless that 4 year difference meant that you were legal age and he wasn't, then I don't really see a problem. If you have such strong feelings about this guy, it would be a shame to just walk away from what might have been "meant to be." I don't think sending a friendly greeting would give any wrong signals at all... you can say hello, inquire how he's doing, encourage him to contact you back if he'd like to and then see where it goes. If nothing happens, you are still keeping in touch with someone you consider a good friend :) Best of luck to you both!
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
27 Jun 10
You know what? It would be much scarier NOT to do anything and to possibly miss out on a relationship with someone very special ;) In order to send a card, that means you already exchanged contact information with this guy... and normally people only do that if they mean to keep in touch, right? :)) If that is the case, it won't shock him to hear from you... he'll probably be very pleased. I think it would be fine to tell him that you've been thinking of him and wondering how he is doing. Ask him if he'd like to keep in touch. I don't think that's very forward... just friendly :) You can see where it goes from there, based on his reply. I think it's wonderfully exciting for you. Go for it! :))
@KCruzado (78)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
Here's another girl power! Thank you so much for your post. I can't believe how better it is to be asking sound opinion from different people with different cultures and background =).
Yes, I do feel strongly about this guy to the point that it scares me to do anything. Because am afraid I don't really know what to do or how to go about it or if I should do anything about it.
In my 29 years, I have only been in a relationship twice. The relationships weren't even intimate. So right now am just scared that I don't know much about having a relationship and I might do a wrong move. But am hearing from 3 women right now saying that a card wouldn't hurt. I just need to be careful on what to write in that card =).
1 person likes this
@KCruzado (78)
• Philippines
28 Jun 10
aaaawww... I haven't thought of that! Yeah, I guess I will just become a prisoner of my own fears if I don't go out to try and see what is in store for me and him. I may just lose a good opportunity without even knowing it. I hope he will be pleased. If not, then probably he's not worth the try? It will devastate me for sure. But maybe it will be better to know it earlier. It's been 2 months now and am still in this state so, yeah, what the heck. Am gonna do it! This is both exciting and scary for me =D =D =D.
1 person likes this
@goddessjes (788)
• Philippines
27 Jun 10
hi there. wow. that is such a wonderful feeling.
do not be afraid to send the wrong signals. even if you are the female here, a guy can use a little compliment by you reaching out to him.
even if you say that you just want to get in touch with him because he's your friend,i think there is something at the back of your head telling you that you want to see him and see what the possibilities are in developing something special.
if you have his contact information, go ahead shoot a message. from there, you can decide what you want to do about your feelings towards him. who knows, he might be the right person for you. who cares about the age. it's the person whom you are gonna live with, not the age. ;-)
good luck. and i hope that he responds to you. am sure he can make you smile.
1 person likes this
@KCruzado (78)
• Philippines
28 Jun 10
I know! You are right - it was such a wonderful feeling. At the same time, it's scary because am hoping the feeling is mutual. I can always recall how awkward but wonderful it felt when we held hands by accident. Well, I actually held his arm by accident and then took my hands off his arm right away (but subtly). But then he got my hand and held it for a time. I just took it back because it was awkward and I didn't know how to react if our treatment towards each other changes. He bought me a bar of chocolate too =D. He's sweet. But what really surprised me is the feeling that I want to be with him and the feeling of security that I haven't felt before. Oh well... yeah am sending him a card. And my crossing my fingers for his response. You're right it's him and not his age =D.
You all are very sensible to talk to. Am so happy with the responses I got from all of you =D. Thank you so much!
1 person likes this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
26 Jun 10
I don't see any problems in sending him cards. I mean he could approve it in many ways but I can't figure out a way why you shouldn't be sending a card at all. Even though you two held hands by accident it could have meant you two have a good bond and what might even get closer.
And to be honest, I don't think 4 years difference is that big a deal. Eventually there are way bigger gaps in the world (when I refer to age differences). I mean men eventually live about 7 years less long than the average woman so that's one benefit if you would get closer with him (and kept a relationship or anything).
That he comes back to you just to see you means something as well.
In short: Send the card! He'll love to see it!
1 person likes this
@KCruzado (78)
• Philippines
26 Jun 10
Really? Oh my god am just happy with what you said.
I guess am afraid that men mature late and him being younger makes him really not mature to understand what is going on - if something is going on, you know. Oh but I would love to see him again _
1 person likes this
@crackx (628)
• Belgium
26 Jun 10
I know what you mean. But it seems like this guy doesn't really seem immature or anything. It's possible that he is thinking about the same thing, that he would send wrong signals. If you would send something it could be relieve, and if you don't put too much emotions (like you love him or anything, kind of hard to think of it^^) than he can't get wrong signals I think. If you want to see him, the chance is bigger you do something :) Because he is younger he might think it would give you a wrong signal. Although this is my point of view =)
1 person likes this
@KCruzado (78)
• Philippines
26 Jun 10
Yeah! I like your point of view hahaha! I really haven't talked about this in the office or with my friends. Guess I just know the answer =). It's good to hear from someone I don't personally know to keep the rationality/ objectivity of the matter. Thank you! I appreciate this a lot =D.
1 person likes this
@sweetloveforeve (13107)
• Portugal
8 Jul 10
i think you love him or have feelings for him but are afraid to get committed. for some reason you are afraid of being in a relationship and you should try to open your heart to this guy. or maybe you will lose something that could mean a big part in your life. for what you said he made a flight just to see you so it means he really cares for you or wouldnt had done that even after you dont see each other for one year. please dont waste more time and dont send him a card. go directly to meet him and be with him^^ dont be afraid. for what you told he is a guy that can be trusted^^ go love him^^
