Never Criticize, Condemn, nor Complain
By Chysom Scott
@CJscott (4187)
Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
June 26, 2010 10:55pm CST
So, I have been reading How to Win Friends and Influence People, lately, read it a few times and decided quite a while back that I was going to make a post about each chapter, to get some world wide feedback on the principles taught, and see if anyone had any wonderful stories to share, and chapter one, in part one, has the underlying principle, to Never Criticize, Condemn, or Complain, when you want people to be your friend, and you want them to take you seriously, or even if you are a leader over them, you need their respect more then anything, and you rarely get that by complaining to them, or criticizing them, or condemning them, for any reason, whether you believe it to be valid or not.
Even the most hard up of criminals and evil doers, do not really think that what they are doing is wrong, if they thought that way, they would remorse their actions, stop, hand themselves in and face their punishments, since they don't, I think, they actually believe that what they are doing is right, and who knows maybe to them it is.
"It is foolish to scold" said John Wanamaker, who also said, " I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence." If you don't know, he was a very successful retailer near the beginning of the 20th Century.
The reason criticism is futile, and generally a bad idea, is because it makes the people you are criticizing get defensive, and try to justify himself, and cements in her mind that she is right and you are wrong. It hurts their pride and no one likes that at all.
Rewarding good behavior is more effect, and lasts longer then punishing bad behavior. There are these and a hundred other great points in just this chapter alone, advice from Lincoln, Taft, quite a few others and probably one of the best poems of a fathers relationship with his son, FATHER FORGETS by W.Livingston Larned.
Reading the book, you would hardly think that it was originally published in the 30's and hardly updated in the meantime, and yet applying the principles works just as well today, as they have ever.
So, Rule One, is the discussion Title.
What do you think?
4 responses
@consultrainer (4992)
• India
27 Jun 10
hahaha. the first line said all. NO. NOT THE HEADLINE.
the first line, revealed the source of the contents. Dale CARNEGIE... and, his wonderful book, .. but, is it applicable to the modern youth?...
This is not the time for his books. about public speaking. Or for the making friends' tips. ... MODERN people are born speakers. BUT, in our times, most used to get dry on the tongue, and wet in the pants.. if asked to TALK even in the evening high teas.
so.. Because of your first line, I am responding without reading through the entire discussion. ... let me see to that later.
1 person likes this
@consultrainer (4992)
• India
27 Jun 10
Sir Rich... (I heard you were knighted recently. why else would you be disagreeing to everything in the intelligent world) ...
it is not surprising for me to read your comments. I will give out my explanation:
When you were a teenager. .... did you have the guts to meet someone, on your own initiative, and ask them a favor? .. NO. you needed the prodding of your elders, or friends. NOW, all the teenager has to do is, SEND off an sms. ...
there is a lot of communication revolution, and I SAY, .. carnegie is old stuff. just like you.
1 person likes this
@consultrainer (4992)
• India
27 Jun 10
lols. i think, you have purposely left off the D, and not the P.
and, .. I just quoted the sms example as a referral point. and, not as the ultimate one. ...
and, check out the virginity statistics. or the DARE meter. it is much more HIGHER than OUR good old days. .. and, I am one among you.. OLD MEN! OLD STUFF.
and, see.. you have agreed to at least one point. it proves, we both are OLD.
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AND, you might lose your Knighthood. don't agree to the points so fast!... Sir Rich.
and, see.. you have agreed to at least one point. it proves, we both are OLD.
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AND, you might lose your Knighthood. don't agree to the points so fast!... Sir Rich.1 person likes this
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
27 Jun 10
Wow, this caused quite the debate, better then my other discussion, which got deleted, though it was not a very serious discussion.
Anyways, the rules apply to one and all, old young, and the few yet to be. Sure, there are many conveniences and tools now, that were not around when we were younger, to make it easier to communicate over distances, but none of these teach us, HOW to communicate in an effective and pleasing manner.
A teenager is as likely to tell you where to go, as he is to tell you how to get to the gas station.
And that is why I believe the teachings of Mr.Carnegie are still far more then valid in our world today.
Sincerely and With Appreciation.
@elmiko (6630)
• United States
27 Jun 10
i really don't think this can be expected. i wouldn't want to not be friends with someone just because they complained,criticized, or maybe even condemned. friendships are about talking to each other about day to day problems they encounter in life. thats what friends do. they listen to their friends and the friends listen back. However, an acquaintance to me is different from a friend. i would consider an acquaintance someone you might do stuff with or hang around whether it may be in a group of others or just having a chat. i think what your saying could most definitely apply to an acquaintance. i think a friendship would have to have gone really bad to apply to this type of discussion.
1 person likes this
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
27 Jun 10
Talking about and dealing with life's troubles and problems, a person that criticizes without a desire to correct though, that is horrible in my eyes.
Acquaintance, friend, college, these are all the same to me. People I know, that do not live with me, and I treat them all the same, with unconditional love, and empathy. I do not criticize them, or their friends, or their choices, I do not complain about or too them, nor do I condemn them.
Of course, I have not always been that way, it is something I have taught myself to do, with the guidance of books, friends, and mentors who have walked the path before me, it wasn't easy, and it was WORTH all the hardships of the journey.
Sincerely and With Appreciation.
@narayan2006 (2954)
• India
27 Jun 10
This principle holds good in all situations and time, as no one is interested to receive any pungent and offending remark against his/her actions. However, I personally prefer to invite constructive suggestions and criticism of my elders/friends if those are directed to help me in my desired pursuits.There are situations where corrective remarks greatly aid in solving problems and improving performance. It is why the principle need to be tactfully applied in right manner,with full caution. Thanks.
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
27 Jun 10
Constructive Criticisms, I do not believe are actually criticisms, rather they are examples of ways to do things better.
In the right manner with full caution is how most things should go.
Sincerely and With Appreciation.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Jun 10
This is a lesson that I need to take to heart largely due to the fact that I've recently went through a rough patch in one of my friendships because I did criticize the decision that my close friend made. I could have kept the fact that what had happened bothered me, but I thought it was necessary to get it out into the open and this has done nothing but cause us to question the relationship and the trust that we have in our relationship. So, I think this is something that all people should keep in mind.
1 person likes this
