how to be a good wife even if your husband is bad?

Philippines
June 27, 2010 1:54am CST
It's a struggle for me to be a good wife, especially in times that my husband was doing something bad, like cheating, going home very late due to happy time, dishonesty, things that really makes me mad. In times like this i became a monster, nagging him all the time, stresses me out so much, giving me a heart ache, a very hard time to understand him, leads to fight. My patience went to it's highest peak, it feels like I'm bursting to range. Yet, i still do want to control my self, for I might do things that i might regret in the end. How i wished for just one day, he will became a woman & i became a man so that i can be able to understand him as a man & he will understand me too as a woman. There are just things that i always regret after, when i get so mad. As a wife for a way longer than mine, how do you cope up this dilemma?
4 responses
• Spain
27 Jun 10
you have to be concerned enough about his needs. as a wife you have to know your place..do not be like an armalite,, monster... you know that could really lower the integrity of men...just remember that if you want to please him, your sincerity must be shown and read from your face....i think there is no such bad husbands if only wives knew where to place their selves... man will always be the master of the family... so do not be a nagger... and of course, you have to make yourself a little more interesting for him.. good luck!
• Germany
27 Jun 10
I am a mother of two children. I am perticular in bringing them In a happy family. so i try my level best to reduce the disputes. Husband or wife that is not important to me. I always think that i am a mother. At the same time I am perticular in my mental health also. being verbaly is not good for mental health. whenever i had disputes and I feel he is wrong I cook delicious food an eat a lot. Don#t laugh at me. This is the way i comfort my mind. Though he is my husband he is another creature. I can't expect him to behave as i like.
• Spain
30 Jun 10
thanks ladies...
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
28 Jun 10
The question is can you still trust him? or do you still want to live with him even if the trust is broken already? As a woman, I totally understand your dilemma and how you feel. At that very moment, it is so hard control the anger and you would really want to burst out your anger and frustrations about him. Because being angry with some petty issues is different with being cheated and his dishonesty. It only means that he is already inconsiderate with your feelings. You have valid reason why you get so angry and nagged him. But probably he alo has some reasons why he did that intentionally or unintentionally. So if you and your husband still wants to savc the relationship even if he has done those things, you both have to do some actions immediately before it is too late. After letting out your anger, find the right timing to talk together in a calm manner. Because nothing will happen if you both will just be like monsters. If you want and you cannot solve the problem on your own, you can seek professional help, like marriage conseling, to be able to process the root cause of the problem.
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
28 Jun 10
i would just like to add, I also was a victim of dishonesty by my husband. I must admit, it was terribly painful that I thought of hurting him. But after the release of my anger and crying, I tried to talk to him as a human, not as a wife. That he should consider my dignity as a human. We talked it over and over until he completely understands his fault. I have also small shortcomings but not enough to be cheated. That made him more guilty. We also considered marriage counselling, but had no time. So we just constantly talk to each other about the problems to avoid bigger problems. Open communication and objectivism is our secret. Hope you can surpass all these.
• United States
24 Mar 11
The reason that you are so conflicted and angry all the time is because the person that you love cheated on you. My husband cheated on me and I remember that same pain. You want to be a good wife because maybe that is the reason he cheated, because you weren't good enough. I know the feeling. But the truth of the matter is that you have done nothing wrong so the problem doesn't lie in your court. You just have to search within your self and decided if staying with your husband is worth the pain. It was for me. It took us years of rocky roads to get over it, but finally we are at a point where we have never been happier. We trust each other and our marriage is just about perfect. The last thing you have to ask yourself is will your husband ever change? You can only give him so many chances to fix things before you have to move on. I wish you the best and good luck!
@besthope44 (12141)
• India
12 Aug 10
Well i feel perseverance is greatest quality of a good women as a wife. She can take more care of her husband and adjust and love more than any in this world!!