I think this relationship should end. What do you think?
By rosegardens
@rosegardens (3034)
United States
June 27, 2010 11:11am CST
My friend finally texted me last night about why he did not want to go to my best friends sons wedding.
I wrote a little about this situation in my discussion titled: Stranded for a Wedding. This is a carryover of that discussion.
My friend is a nurse, and I have another friend without health insurance who was showing signs of a kidney infection. I asked my nurse friend about antibiotics. Now mind you, this took place over a month ago. He went a little nuts, just kept talking very excitedly (my friend is ADHD so that is to be expected when he gets excited about something) about how the wrong antibiotic can be harmful, and he was afraid that he may get into trouble because of a lawsuit if the guy has a bad reaction and he could lose his license. At this point I asked him if he could ask a doctor he works with about this. So he calls a couple of days later and tells me there is a law that antibiotics can not be given like this and that I was selfish to consider such a thing because he could lose his license as well as anyone else who would contribute.
Of course, I did not know this! So I said ok, no problem. I did not know that, etc. while he keeps going on and on about it. After several minutes I said listen to me, I said it is ok, I did not know this and of course I do not want you to lose your license or get into trouble. I thought this would be the end. Nope. The next time we talked on the phone he AGAIN brings up this subject and defends his position. So I know this already and I keep telling him that it is ok, drop it please I understand and I am not upset with you. I am not even certain he heard me because he kept talking while I was, like he does when he gets excited about something. I thought this was over.
Fast forward to the day of the wedding. I was getting dressed and he kept texting me, so I texted him to stop texting me so I can finish getting ready. He was already close to my house and it was an hour earlier than I planned on. A few moments later he texted that he did not feel like going. I thought he was joking, so I said ok and finished putting my eyeliner on then went outside. I texted him a few times, no answer. I called him a few times, voicemail.
That evening he texted me and said do not contact me, you are a selfish person and everyone I spoke with tells me you are selfish and uncaring about my nurses license. I do not know what this is about, so I asked. When he told me, I said that was mean to leave me like that, and mean to my friend who would be expecting us, and cost the groom and bride money. If you did not want to go, why didn't you tell me before this? As well as telling him no, I did not ever want your license jeopardized, etc.
He got worse as the text continued, saying some pretty awful things and lying about almost every single thing he brought up. He called me some names. Later he texted some other rude things and some distorted situations regarding myself, and called me more names. I asked him to stop and I didn't want to have any more contact. He continued. SEveral times I asked him to stop, then I finally stopped answering him. He kept sending more awful texts and I kept ignoring them.
I do not want anything more to do with this volatile person. I do not need this kind of drama in my life, and I do not trust this person anymore. What do you think? What would you do?
Thank you for your response.
4 responses
@Bellapop (1279)
•
3 Jul 10
Goodness, is this person ok? Is he alwasy like this or has he been like this before? It sounds like he is overreacting, to worry about his license, yes, ok, that's fine, but to keep going on about it and then telling everyone about it? With the way he is acting, it is very irrational and I am rather concerned about his poition, his capacity as a nurse. If he is like this with you, a normal healthy person who can deal with this volatile behaviour, I am rather concerned about what would happen should he behave like this with an ill patient or a person in a vulnerable postition. If he is really behaving as you describe, a person with such volatile behaviour is not fit to practise as a nurse and someone should report this behaviour to the authorities, I know it's his liscence in jeopardy, but if someone does not make sure that he is competent to practice as a nurse then it will be someone else's life in jeopardy possibly the next time...
@rosegardens (3034)
• United States
4 Jul 10
I never thought about that, Bell. He works at a nursing home facility. I know his temper now, and he is very irrational. It is quite frightening. You are correct, he can be capable of physically harming someone with his irrational behaviors. I don't know that he has, but he does have the opportunity to lash out at the nursing home.
Ah, hindsight is 20/20. Had I actually kept score myself, perhaps I would have slowly put distance between us. Since that day and mostly when I am mylotting in one of these discussions things he has said and done come flooding in. There is a lot of dysfunction there!
All we can do is pray for him and the people in his path. How can I report him to the authorities when he never laid a hand on me, or did anything against the law? He has broken social laws and behavioral laws that our society has in place, but those are not written in stone and cannot be dealt with by the authorities. I am hoping his supervisors are watching him carefully. I'm certain if they have any psychological training he is being monitored.
Gosh, the more time I have to think about his actions, the scarier he becomes. One never really contemplates these things until something drastic happens, then one recalls all the signs. Fortunately, it was a minor thing and not something that could have become a physical assault.
btw--thank you very much for saying that I am a normal healthy person. I'm not, but I appreciate you. 
Happy Mylotting!
Happy Mylotting!@rosegardens (3034)
• United States
5 Jul 10
It is a nursing home for the elderly. Come to think of it, he was very angry at a resident a couple months back who had trouble relieving themselves in the appropriate place and he went on and on about it for weeks. He thought the resident did it on purpose. A little paranoid and an out to get me theory going on.
I would not know who to contact. I don't even know the nursing home facility he works for.
Good advice! Thank you. I do hope he is not harming anyone, but he may be at the very least verbally assaulting the patients and possibly co workers. I know he has difficulty with one of his co workers, so perhaps they are being monitored.
btw-he does not even have his nurses license. I just remembered the college did not accept him for grad school.
@Bellapop (1279)
•
4 Jul 10
I am even more concerned to know that he is works in a nursing home, I am assuming it's a nursing home for the elderly? I have witnesses this in hospoitals, wehere many elderly people have become invalid, unable to move or speak even, so if he has done any harm or takes advantage of this inability to talk or get reported, then really something needs to be done to prevent things happening. I understand where you're coming from, as he hasn't really physically done anything to you. And it is uncertain whether he does do any harm to the patients. The thing is, some people who get stressed and agitated do take out their temper on the patients, and its often very little things that are carried out, like spitting, ridiculing the patient when they are body washing them, inappropriate touching, all things done that don't produce any marks or signs, so nobody knows and the patient is unable to say...do you know anyone who works there? Perhaps you could anonymously just report him to the authorities to let them know that there is this concern, but to still gove him the benefit of the doubt...? I hope this helps. :)
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
1 Jul 10
It sounds like this guy definitely has issues and is making excuses for his bad behavior. If he was angry with you for the whole medicine thing, then he should have let you know that instead of agreeing to go to the wedding with you and then backing out at the last minute. After reading this, I wonder if he ever really intended to go to the wedding with you or if he just lead you on to get back at you. I know that sounds crazy, but that just popped into my head after I read this, and I don't know why.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
4 Jul 10
I can understand you trying to figure out what you did to make him so angry and that might have offended him so much. I think it is natural, and I probably would be doing exactly the same thing in your situation. However, I also do not think that it really is anything that you did. I mean, perhaps he did get angry over some of the things that you did. If he really did get angry, though, then he should have talked to you about it at the time that it happened (or a little while later if it wasn't appropriate at the exact time that it happened) and let you know that it bothered him. Since he didn't and just bombarded you with a bunch of stuff after he behaved badly, then it sounds more like he was just making excuses to justify his own bad behavior. If this really was something that he had planned and had never intended to go to the wedding with you, then he is very unstable and has some serious issues. You should definitely stay as far away from him as possible, because those kinds of people can be very dangerous ... I mean sometimes seriously dangerous not just unpleasant or bothersome. Please be careful.
1 person likes this
@rosegardens (3034)
• United States
5 Jul 10
Thank you. He does seem to have the potential to be a dangerous person. I don't know if he has ever harmed anyone physically, but I am certainly not going to put myself in the position to find out.
This is certainly more than someone who lacks communication skills.
I appreciate very much your advice and the conversation. It sounds like you may have had some one in your life that was not good for you and can understand how my mind is working in overdrive about this.
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@rosegardens (3034)
• United States
3 Jul 10
It is possible. I went to his friends wedding just a few weeks before we were to go to this one. He did not want to go and was trying to back out of it. (can you believe I had to buy a dress for this, and of course was going to wear it to my friends wedding. Somehow, that makes it much worse because he knows my financial situation!) I had to talk him in to going to his friends wedding, the very week of the wedding. I cannot imagine not attending a friends wedding, especially since he has known that friend for many years. I think they may have met in high school. He is in his later 30's, so many years have gone by with them. I told him it is about the memories your friend will have in having you attend.
He had asked the photographer not to photograph him, so of course the photographer could not photograph me because he was next to me. A tad controlling maybe? I don't know. But you may be on to something; that did pop into my head after I called him and got the voicemail. Lots of things running through my mind. At his friends wedding, I had to ask him to be quiet so I can hear the mass. Funny, when we went to a chapel to pray he would stop at the door, turn and tell me to be quiet this is a holy place of prayer, yet during such an important event in our faith, a wedding and a mass combined, he was talking to me. I was offended. I wanted to hear it, to be a part of their union spiritually, to enjoy the blessings that were being given that day and to pray the mass and perhaps learn something. Then for communion I did not go. He kept asking me to go, and I was motioning for him to go on. After all, I did not want to cause any disruption and wanted to do this quietly. I finally had to tell him I have not gone to mass or confession and I cannot go. He did not hear me. I had to repeat myself at least four times, and finally spoke loud enough that the people that were 4 rows in front turned around to look at me. I wonder if he was actually trying to get me to say it loud enough for people to hear, he has good hearing, I don't know why I had to keep telling him that I could not go. He sat down, and I told him you can go, don't forgo your graces because of me.
So, of course, I have been contemplating what I have done to cause him to do such a thing. Every little thing comes in my mind. All these things that point to me ordering him about as he said in one text that would cause him to be so offended. With someone so volatile, it could be he has been keeping score and did want to punish me. It worked, I still am very hurt that I could not go. Trying to get over it, but it is very difficult. That was to be the highlight of my year. I have never witnessed my friend and her hubby dance before; they danced all night. It would have been so wonderful to see and to be a part of that joy between them. But, what can be done now. I have learned a valuable lesson though. For something so important I need to borrow someone's car or have a trustworthy friend come with me. At least two people told me they would have taken me if I would have called, even if it was at the last minute. I wish I would have!
1 person likes this
@rosegardens (3034)
• United States
30 Jun 10
I think perhaps it is a mental illness like bi-polar or something. That was just waaay too weird!
@meaqan (69)
• United States
27 Jun 10
You did exactly what i think you should have. They were wrong for leaving you by yourself at the wedding and all of that. Just because he has ADHD, he doesnt have a right to say and do things like he did. So my opinion is you did good by cutting off contact and ignoring him
@rosegardens (3034)
• United States
27 Jun 10
Thank you. to clarify he did not leave me at the wedding; he left me home. We did not even get to the wedding. My car cannot go on the freeway because it slows down and I can't get it up to speed, so I was stranded at home. If I got to go to the wedding I could have got a ride home from a friend.
That just makes it even worse I think, that he didn't even show up at my door and I missed this very important day for my friend and her family.
Thanks for your response, I appreciate it. I will have no more contact with him and now am doing some damage control with other friends to let them know what really happened. I feel like a baby, but if I do not then seeds are planted that do not need to grow. These friends need to learn from me what I am like, not from this other person.
