Is having fantasies cheating?

United States
July 5, 2010 10:43am CST
I was asked by a young woman recently whether fantasies where considered cheating, she had dreamed about having an intimate relationship with someone other than her mate and she was wondering if that was cheating. I don't think that dreaming about it would be considered cheating because you have no control over what you dream in most cases, however if you are a wake and you are daydreaming about someone else, or wishing you were with someone else, that that would be the same as cheating. What do you think?
7 people like this
31 responses
@lacieice (2063)
• United States
5 Jul 10
hi pastorkayte I agree...we can't control our dreams,so no, that is not cheating. Daydreaming is another matter. Those we control. It is said that infidility begins in the brain...that if we think about cheating and imagine it, it is, in a sense, cheating.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Jul 10
• United States
5 Jul 10
Absolutely!
• United States
6 Jul 10
Cheating is an action. Thoughts are not actions. Fantasies, even daydreaming, even wishing, are thoughts, not actions. Therefore thoughts are not cheating.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Jul 10
lols. you should have seen the movie that is doing rounds and rounds online and offline too. The much hyped and talked about video. THE SECRET.. which tells us how the THOUGHT manifests into action. and, you said, thoughts are not actions? .. I still want to grow out of this fantasy world.. and try to make my real world --- to such a place that I would love fantasizing about.
• United States
6 Jul 10
You do know that thought lead to actions, lets look at your dreams. I dreamed that I would one day be able to be a parent, I found a good husband and gave birth to my children. So my thought process opened the door for my dream to become my reality. The same with cheating, if your girlfriend was to see some guy she thinks is hot, and she dreamed about being with him, of holding him, eventually you will no longer be good enough because you dont live up to her expectations, like her dream guy, then she will move on to the guy who meets her fantasy.
• India
7 Jul 10
you made my day .. friend The Metallion.. The thought my open the door, but you have to choose to walk through it. ... is this yours? .. and, may I quote this freely?
• India
6 Jul 10
according to Hindu philosophy, .. the answer to your query would be this: ... i am no expert in the subject, but this is as per my knowledge: ONE should be sincere about his/her relationships -- on all planes... THOUGHT, SPEECH and DEED. .. -------------so, YES. it would be classified to be under fidelity, .. if one dreams and involves in fantasies. but, if it is a comparative study, .. it is better to live in the imaginery world, than try that in reality. and, todays' psychologists and biologists give a lot more information on this subject, to be natural.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 10
Thank you
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
2 Apr 12
I think there is something wrong to the interpretation of the word THOUGHT. I think THOUGHT here should differentiate the actual THOUGHT when one is awake and the THOUGHT when one is dreaming. I mean, if I were to dream about killing someone, does that make me a bad person? Couldn't it be just a pigment of the circuits of my brain? Perhaps due to the nature of the movie I saw prior to sleeping? Now another, let's just say my religion doesn't allow me to eat types of meat, let's say we feel that eating cow's meat is bad. Then, in my dream, I ate cow's meat, does it mean that I have committed a grave sin against my beliefs??? I think it's only when one acts on the dream that makes the action a sin. Further, if one keeps on thinking about it even when already awake, that tantamounts to sin because you are no longer interested of keeping your vow to your partner, but rather you are wondering how life would feel like with another - which is the very act of cheating. Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@katie0 (5205)
• Japan
5 Jul 10
It's not cheating per say but it's definetly the window to begin. I mean if you think enough about it, enjoy too much it's almost impossible to not go foward.
• United States
6 Jul 10
Absolutely Katie, I agree
@topetotz (163)
• Philippines
5 Jul 10
Well, yeah, i think dreaming about it can not be considered as cheating, because you haven't actually committed any thing, also if it was daydreaming, i think its just normal. Because these are just fantasies, and fantasizing is just normal to us people and in the first place, fantasies are just imaginations. Although, fantasies are from our thoughts, still at the end of the day if you are loyal to your relationship, you wouldn't turn your fantasies into reality. Thanks for the topic Much respect
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 10
I agree with half of this statement, I think daydreaming is just a stepping stone to your hearts desires, if you daydream about it you are more likely to actually want to do it. So if the opportunity is presented you will take it because you have already wished for it and now you can have it.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 10
If so then,I have cheated 10,000 times last month ALONE!lol
• United States
7 Jul 10
Well that is not good, loving someone is so important and you have to stop and think what you want from her. Again men think it is okay until their girl is the one doing it.
• United States
8 Jul 10
i'm kidding my dear pastorkayte...kidding!lol
• United States
8 Jul 10
Don't get me up in arms, my dear, I am a woman and a Pastor I take that stuff far to seriously. LOL
@suspenseful (40306)
• Canada
5 Jul 10
Having an affair with someone in a dream is not cheating. We have no control of our dreams and often times the dream has a different message then "well I think I should have gone out with Jim instead of my husband twenty years ago, and Jim would look dashing with his gray sideburns." I sometimes feel that dreams are if one took a different path, so that man one is having an affair with would have been one's husband if one had taken that other job and moved out of the city," or it could be one's spouse as seen in a different light = love is blind, you know - and even though your guy is balding, you see him as in a dream looking like,Handsome Harry. If one is awake and daydreaming, one is cheating. I do not know if one is writing a fictional story, because then one is writing about two different characters, but if it were an autobiography and I dreamed that I was with Gregory Peck (giving my age away) I would think I was cheating.
• United States
6 Jul 10
Absolutely I agree with you.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40306)
• Canada
8 Jul 10
I have more guilt when I cannot sleep at night and I have these weird fantasies about the characters in one of my fan fictions I want to write, but do not want to do that way because it is too wild, then I have of a dream where this handsome guy like Prince Charming comes in. And in the first case, I am writing a story and have no intention of cheating. So think what would happen if I really intended to but did not get the chance.
@34momma (13889)
• United States
9 Jul 10
i don't think dreaming about or thinking about being with someone else besides your mate is cheating. acting on those thoughts and dreams is cheating.
• United States
10 Jul 10
Thank you for your response
@mlh8087 (369)
• United States
6 Jul 10
It's healthy to fantasize about all different kinds of things, even intimate relationships. In my opinion, the sin occurs when you actually act on the fantasy. I also believe there is nothing wrong with looking as long as you don't try them on!
• United States
8 Jul 10
No if we are talking about sin, the bible says that: Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So it tells you that fantasizing about a woman is the sin. However for the sake of this dreaming is an act we don't control, we do however control what we think about in our conscious mind.
• Canada
6 Jul 10
I, one time had the same problem. I was thinking of Cheating, or rather afraid that i would. I asked advice from a friend and he said, " You can't stop the bird from landing in the tree, but you can stop it from making a nest." Your fantasy world is just that. So, No It's Not cheating, but don't let it become cheating by Dwelling on it.
• United States
7 Jul 10
Very interesting take on the subject and great quote.
@Raulz0r (26)
• Romania
6 Jul 10
as long as not physical contact is made, with that someone, i don't consider it cheating, but if that someone fantasies about a friend of her/his mate, that someone deserves the truth.
• United States
6 Jul 10
Why if you think it is not cheating then they dont have to tell you the truth because they dont have to feel sorry for your feelings, and if it is your friend that your mate is dreaming about, you still dont think that when they have the opportunity they wont act on it.
• Romania
6 Jul 10
if you have fantasies with another man that's not cheating it's perfectly normal and i have fantasies all the time although i have a girlfriend,everybody does it either they admitted or not
• United States
6 Jul 10
Right! What if your girlfriend was having a fantasy about the guy you play a sport with or your best friend, would that still be alright.
@LeoWyatt (170)
• Bulgaria
6 Jul 10
No, I don't think that having fantasies is cheating. Well, for some people it might be offensive and they might have thought that this is cheating but I don't think when it is only fantasies it is not cheating. The worst part is the real cheating, maybe fantasies is only the beginning to cheat on someone. I have never fantasies about someone when I am with my girlfriend but a lot of people do it and this is not good. But personally I think it is not cheating but might be a step to a real cheating
• United States
6 Jul 10
Thank you for your response.
@ilann1 (372)
• Israel
6 Jul 10
I do think it's cheating, because dreams are the window to the the unconscious. And if she dreams of the other guy it just means that deep down she does have feelings for him. So I do think it's cheating, because deep down she sees herself with another man.
• United States
6 Jul 10
Not in a regular dream where she is truly asleep, because she could be in the mood for intimacy and watched a movie and seen a guy on it, the dream would capture that into her mind and cause her to dream about it even if she does not actually that way about it in her waking moments. But if she is sitting next to the guy who she loves daydreaming about some guy she knows then she is consciously deciding that he is more sexy and more interesting than the one she (supposedly) loves.
@sender621 (14922)
• United States
6 Jul 10
We all have fantasies whether we own up to them or not. It is a healthy outlet for both mind, body, and spirit. I do not see fantasies as a form of cheating on the ones we love. Getting lost in a fantasy may even enrich the relationship you are in.
• United States
6 Jul 10
Why would dreaming about someone else enrich the relationship you have with your loved one. I would truly not want a man to love me and use having intimate relationships with other women as a way to enhance our love life. I would want him to want me so much that he only needs me to make him happy in an intimate way.
@bigal3 (1231)
• Thailand
6 Jul 10
In one way it could be viewed as "cheating but on the other side of the coin it is also part of human nature.(the primal instincts of our ancestors thousands of years ago) Hollywood and the television make fortunes on that very subject. Is it cheating? To me the answer seems to be "yes" and "no". It depends on the context in which it is taken. I think it becomes cheating when those thoughts become action by way of flirting, phone calls etc. What do you think?
• United States
6 Jul 10
If you were not having those thoughts then it would not manifest into flirting or phone calls, so the act of daydreaming is the doorway to the act of cheating which means that it is the act that led up to the crime, it is like in law, when you go to court for a crime, the jury tries to figure out what you were thinking before you actually committed the crime, if you planned it out (day dreamed) about it then it was premeditated and that makes the crime more serious than if you just did it.
• United Kingdom
6 Jul 10
I think that fantasies are a normal part of life and it's not good to try and control these thoughts. I guess it would seem like cheating but the most important thing is the act! As long as there is no follow up action in relation to this specific fantasy! I think the mind runs wild at times and in a sense I look at it as a type of freedom! Your mind is free to do what it wants and this can only be a good thing! I have lots of dreams and some of them are really absurd and bordering on the ridiculous! If that particular someone is having this type of fantisy whereby they feel they are cheating and they really feel guilty then perhaps they should have an honest word with their partner but in truth I don't see anything wrong with these types of dreams or fantasies! Andrew
• United States
6 Jul 10
Again a patented male response, but if you met this beautiful woman and fell deeply in love with her, you would no longer be amused or think it was not cheating if she had fantasies about one of your friends.
@dsrp82 (678)
• Brazil
6 Jul 10
It's not THAT bad like the real thing, you know what I mean LOL, but it's cheating!
• United States
6 Jul 10
It is that bad because your loved one would be just as hurt to find out as if you had actually did it.
• Philippines
6 Jul 10
I believe that CONSCIOUSLY thinking of having an intimate relationship other than your mate is indeed cheating. Infidelity starts with the mere thought of being with somebody else.
• United States
6 Jul 10
Applause, you have hit the nail on the head.
@manojt2 (179)
• India
6 Jul 10
Yes, I totally agree when in deep sleep we can't be controlling what comes in our dreams. While daydreaming about someone else when you have a life partner is cheating. If the life partner has no issues and have a total understanding, and if that thing is going to work in some private part of their life, then its OK. But thinking about someone else should be considered as a cheat. I would like to stress one thing here: some say dreams are the reflections of what we think in awakenings or sometimes some things get recorded in our mind unconsciously. This surely should ring some bells and the person should get really awakened and should change his thought process.
• United States
6 Jul 10
You make an interesting point, thank you.