Is it okay to talk to an ex?

@laydee (12798)
Philippines
July 11, 2010 7:40pm CST
I am still confused and hurt over the matter. My 5-year relationship with someone has ended because he has another person in his life too for the last 3years. Now, I'm still dealing with the pain and I don't know if it's good to talk to the ex?
35 responses
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
The same thing happened to me. I really hated the guy for causing me so much pain, but I know deep inside I still love him. We didn't met for the last 10 years but he did try to contact me before he got married, he told me that he's about to get married and all I didn't answer his email. I was devastated! What did he expect from me? ! anyway, he again contacted me after 5 years. I was shocked because he PM me at YM. shocked because he knows my YM ID. I already forgave him that time (but still very angry), I was happy with my life, found the guy that was really for me, married and got a son. ^.^ To my shock he told me that he entered the US army because he was not happy with his life with his wife and now he was regretting the fact that he let me go. He also told me that he contacted me before he got married because he wanted to ask me if he could still come back. ( I think he was forced to marry his wife or something) I told him that he has to face everything because it was his decision that led him to his fate. after that, I didn't speak with him again, even though he tried to contact me again and again. I am happy with my life now, with my own family, with the guy who has the balls to stand besides me. My point here is, If you are not ready to face him, don't force yourself. Don't pretend that your ok with it just because you want him to think that you're ok. speak to him when you are ready. in that way you are both moved on, you can smile at him and show him that "hey I'm doing very good and I don't need yOU!".
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
14 Jul 10
I am angry at him or the things that happened, but I love him still. I don't think we'll ever get together again and since we're far apart, that wouldn't probably happen either. But there's something in me that wants to have my questions answered. I know it's not important to most, but it is to me. The problem now is when I force myself not to talk to him, I feel worst. But when we get to talk (not about the relationship, but just communicating) I find myself better. I don't really know, but it seems it's more difficult for me to adjust not talking to the guy.
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
15 Jul 10
You find yourself better because as you say.. you still love him and mean it or not deep inside you your still hoping for a chance to get back together with him. It's your life laydee do whatever you feel right... as long as your happy. =)
• Portugal
13 Jul 10
no dont talk with him :( he was with your for 5 years and three of those years he has been with other girl too :( he didnt care at all how would you feel when you found out so please dont talk with that guy. i can imagine you are so hurt and so sad but please dont listen to him. if he really loved you he wouldnt had lied to you for 3 years :( move on and dont think about talk with him. sure it is your decision but it will just hurt you more if you keep seeing him :( remember you deserve the best and he is not the best. you will find one guy that will love you much one day really love you but he is not the person or he wouldnt had done what he did to you :(
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
You have good points. Whew, what is wrong with me?
@bubulizzz (508)
• Latvia
12 Jul 10
I think that talking to ex can make better your own feelings. If you could communicate with him, knowing that all is ended between you, you could accept that you now is per se and he is per se. And than when you will start new relationships nothing will pull you back to your ex, because you will be already accepted and acquiesce that these relationships has ended. From my experience I know that it's better to continue friendly relationships with ex, because in life there can happen some moments when you will need someone who could help, and ex in this case is the best helper.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
19 Jul 10
how is the ex become the best helper?
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
Why would you talk to your ex that hurts you? If you want to deal with the pain, better talk to someone that is close to you like a family member, relatives, or a friend. But if you're uncomfortable to do that, have a journal and write down everything you feel.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
14 Jul 10
Hmm... Perhaps because I have come accustomed to talking to him for the last 5years? I can't just grow out of the routine, right? Whew.. Tough.
• India
12 Jul 10
No there should be not a problem.But if talking to your ex hurts you then try to avoid and do activities that you admire a lot.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
14 Jul 10
That's just the problem. I feel worst when we don't to talk, but when we talk, and just talk about anything under the sun without really dwelling into the hurts and mistakes, I feel better and I could do my activities better. Is this bad?
12 Jul 10
we have the same situation, except that my ex and i were friends, we both have a partners now but everytime we're together, we laughed like before, we're happy being together & we both know that we still love each other but we don't want to hurt our partner's feelings,, i don't know if i should be happy about it because 2 years had passed and i thought i'm so over our relationship but i don't know,, but all i can say is, being friends with your ex is fun,, for me, hell yeah! it's okay to talk with your ex.. :)
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
14 Jul 10
Thanks for the thoughts. Though we're both single this time, I know that it would be much better to be just friends - well, until both him and I (in separate occasions) would decide to take things back again - but that's far from today. Whew. I just find it difficult to stop talking to my bestfriend.
@maylaine (441)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
if you already get over him there is no problem talking to him but if not i guess better stay away coz it will just bring the pain back again and again.do not worry someday you will find someone better than your ex and he will make you forget your pass relationship..goodluck!
1 person likes this
@JOIEMARVIC (2335)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
Why do you want to talk to your ex? You might end up hurting yourself even more if you would do that. You could deal with your pain alone or with a friend, not with your ex who lied to you and tricked you for 3 years. It's not healthy girl. I knoe, I might not understand how bad you really feel, I might not know how much pain your going into right now,but I am sure that you would end up hirting more if you talk with him. Give your self some more time to heel.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
16 Jul 10
I think and I know you're right, but why can't I control these things? What's wrong with me?
@jolan07 (70)
• Philippines
15 Jul 10
yes..of course... how will you moved on if you are still thinking in your past... let the time heal the wound..and enjoy life... i'm sure God has someone to be with you in the future..
1 person likes this
@bamrahkirti (1821)
• India
12 Jul 10
Talking with a person who is responsible for your pain is of no use.Try to talk to a person who is close to you and can really understand you and mentally and emotionally support you. Ex is always ex and if he is responsible for your this condition,it means he does not care for your emotions.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jul 10
Well i think you need to weigh the risks. You still have feelings for this person and if they are in another relationship it might be more harmful that helpful to start talking to him again. If talking to him helps you to bring closure to the past then it might be worth it. So many different ways to look at this. The bottom line is why do you want to talk to him? Is it to get him back as a friend only? or Is it to see if you can get that relationship back? If he hurt you so deeply then it might be best to avoid him because the risk of being hurt all over again is pretty strong. Wishing you the best in what ever choice you make.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
16 Jul 10
whew.. I think I'm a martyr.
12 Jul 10
Yes definitely but if your still hurting and cant manage the break up for that certain time you and your ex might even talk move ultimately to into positive friendship but if it went bad and the way your not expecting or despite of your best effort things didn't turn out the way you really wanted them to be,then you may have to work out more realistic on moves.try to think of beautiful things ahead of you. Goodluck!
• United States
12 Jul 10
it might not be a good idea to tlk to him , you should go have fun and forget about him , its not good to waste time crying and being mad at him and ur self when you could be finding some one new.
1 person likes this
12 Jul 10
for me it's not good to talk to your ex anymore, you'll just hurt yourself more especially that you shared your 5years of life with him, i advise you to forget him, he's unfaithful to you for 3years and that is enough for a reason to forget whatever you had shared either good or bad. go pamper yourself, have self confident again try to move on by spending your time with your love ones or significant others, soon you'll realize that you had forgotten him.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
hmm i look at this a different point of views. first as a wife with an ex-bf..lol if i talk to my ex, it is not an issue i mean, he is there an X. past is past and my feelings are intact and it is my husband that i love now. second, i look at it as a wife, with a husband who has an X. lol. i admit i do get jealous.very jealous but if it really harmless, and i know my husband is sincere with me there fore there is nothing wrong with him talking to an X. unless they talk 24/7, talk 24/7 then..it is a different story. hahaha
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Jul 10
I suppose so. Life is very short to dwell on the unpleasant things that have happened. If one takes stock of the blessings that we get, one would see that he or she should not be burdened by things from the past. Unpleasant lovelife included.
1 person likes this
@rtsh_gup (185)
• India
29 Jul 10
I cant talk to the person who really hurts me because he has find another person who is better than me .I suggest you to not to talk him and let him regret
@abhi000 (235)
• India
23 Jul 10
I don't think that i can talk to ex because he is the only one who hurt me and i will never and ever talk to him and i will pray that never met such kind of person in my life time.
@krnavtr (285)
• India
23 Jul 10
Its not that the more we stay in relation,the more we last, and moreover its what called fate and we had to face as it comes.In my situation i would talk with my Ex with a feeling of a friend and treat him as my friend though we cant be as before.I will not at all mind to talk with ex rather i will be treating him and his new girl as my friend
• India
2 Aug 10
If that person is not really made for you then its useless to talk about that person .The relation does not matter how long it is but the true feelings should come from inside.And it should never be one sided.If he is least bothered about you then its useless for you to think about him.