Responsibility and how to deal with it?

Latvia
July 12, 2010 3:34pm CST
The last few years I have got so big responsibility that I can't bear it. I am only member of my family (four persons including me) who work. So I am responsible for all money what we have. And this responsibility sometimes is very unbearable. When we have nothing to eat than I feel that I haven't worked so hard as I could. Also when my child needs something and I must say that we can afford it, I feel guilty. Also my mother reproach me that I must to play more with my daughter and also make some homeworks, but after work I feel so tired that only thing which I want to do is to sleep. Why is so hard to be responsible for things which I must to be responsible? And why other people don't understand my responsibility and want more and more?
7 responses
@Angelgirl16 (2171)
• United States
13 Jul 10
Hi, First, God bless you for not giving up on your child and leaving her on someone else doorstep. Second, I applaude you for stepping up and holding down a job trying to take care of four people,not sure of all the ages, but your mother is an adult who stays home,yes? Why can't she help more with your daughter and the house while you go off to make the money? If this is suppose to be a family affair then everyone should do their part to make life a little bearable for everyone. If your income is not too much you may qualify for some assistance. I know alot of people don't like getting public assistance, but sometime you must put pride aside and accept help. My prayers are with you and your family and I pray for you right now that you will soon see brighters days ahead. Take Care
• Latvia
13 Jul 10
Thank you for response! About my mother - yes, she stays all day at home almost four years, because someone need to watch over my daughter. But she also think that my daily work is much easier that her at home nurturing my daughter. I know that child can take very much energy but also it seems unfair that I must to work 5 days per week and also my all homeworks. I live also with my boyfriend (he isn't the father of my daughter). He as my mum is unemployed and looking for job almost a year, unfortunately without success. Now he is in unemployed courses of study and we hope that after he will finish them he will be able to get job somewhere. He tries to help in household works, but as man he don't like to wash dishes and sweep the floor. :) And about qualification - almost three years I am working in regional police and wager before the economical crisis was ok, but now my wager has decreased almost 50%. But I don't want to risk to go to some private office, because in last time I hear from so many people that private offices cheat and don't pay its workers at all. So I hope that I could make money here on web in my free time (nights) :)
• United States
13 Jul 10
Hi, This is a sad situation, I think, that you are in. I don't know how you keep your sanity, I applaude you. I wish I had a better response for you. I just want to say, don't give up hope and continue to love yourself and your baby girl. You two are who matter here, everyone else should fend for themselves. Take Care
• United States
13 Jul 10
Responsibility does tend to take a toll on a person when you are the only one caring the load. I too am in the same situation and have been feeling the effects of being the only one to handle all the money problems. Im going to start handling one part of my life alittle different. I must make a few minutes of time for myself. I know it sounds terribly selfish but like a friend told me ..if i continue on this path that i only do for others and nothing for myself then i will self distruct fall apart and then the kids will have no one. I think this is good advice. It is important to make time for kids and to help them but also must be time for you to unwind from all the responsibility. Drawing the line and saying i have to have just a few minutes to unwind will not make you a bad mom like i once thought.
• Latvia
13 Jul 10
Thank you for your advice! I think that you are right and that free time (only just a little) is very important to everyone. I wish I could have it, but now I can't to realize how to get it. But I hope I will! Best wishes!
@peavey (16936)
• United States
12 Jul 10
I think it's hard for others to understand since they're not in the position you're in. I'm sure your mother doesn't know how tired you are and how hard it is to be the only one working. Maybe it's time to sit down with her and your wife and explain how you feel.
• Latvia
13 Jul 10
Thanks for suggestion! Also wanted to correct little misunderstanding - I'm women! :)
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
Taking a responsibility is easy to do unless you dont know what you should do. To be able to do a responsibility well, its very useful if you know what you are doing. If you know what you are doing then its easy for you to do things. Dealing with it will be easy if you try to master your work.
• Latvia
13 Jul 10
I know what I must to do, but it's not so easy, because there is so many things which I must to do. It's not easy because I can't to find time for all things and also I wish I could rest a little bit. But I know that there are others who need to work much harder than I, so I only need to found a strength and to do what I must to do!
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
I understand your what you are going through right now. It is really hard. You really need to be strong in times like this to be able to endure all the responsibilities assigned to you. But why are you the only one working for the whole family? Can't they work anymore? You can ask them for helpAnyways, that's life. You have to pay back what your parents have done to you and you have to be responsible for your daughter. But sometimes, you just have to be really flexible and give some time with daughter too, because it is really different if you are the one who will play with her or do her homeworks. It may not be everyday, but it would be better if you could do it few times a week. Sometimes, if we are too much preoccupied, we tend to forget what our child feels. Also, you need to find time to relax during days off to recharge and be able to fulfill your responsibilities.
• Latvia
13 Jul 10
Your 100% right! I must to found strength and to spend more time with my kid. Only sometimes I feel that the all world is on my shoulders. Other members from my family (mum and boyfriend) could work, but they can't to find job. Also my mum doesn't look for work because someone needs to watch over my daughter. I don't reproach them, but I wish they could give me moral support a little bit more.
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
hi there. being a person with all the responsibilities of your families future is a very big challenge and task a person could ever have. yes your right there are some individuals who really cant understand and some wont really understand a person who did some sacrifices in life. I can atest to that beacause i exprerienced almost the same with yours but lucky for me my son is still 1 year old so theres no assignments yet and soon that would be my big problem, well any ways sometimes my family wont really understand my situation that im working as a nurse and nurses dont go on holidays and my family wanted me to help in their business, they keep on insisting that i should spare some time with the business, they wont really understand the fact that i dont have time because i worked in different shifts and 7 days a week and i need to attend the needs of my son as well.Well what i did was i tried to manage my time, on my vacant time i helped in the business and watch my son. I made alot of adjustments at first but sooner i got use to it..its a matter of time management..
• Latvia
13 Jul 10
Thank you for sharing with your experience! Now I think that maybe my situation isn't so hard, because yours is harder. Working 7 days per week it is so hard for anyone. And I must work only five days per week. Also my working day is eight hours long, but how I now nurses must to work sometimes twenty-four hours. And work with sick people is much harder then work on computer. So I can only gather my forces and try to work harder! Really thank you!
• India
12 Jul 10
I am so sorry about your situation but indeed responsibility is a huge problem at times. There are times when one feels like the world is on your shoulder. I feel that also sometimes too when i am like alone and i don't have anyone to talk to. You should really talk to your family members especially your wife because she is the one who can truly understand you. believe she can help you out in your problems. And sharing your problems releases some of the burden on your shoulder. Good Luck!
• Latvia
13 Jul 10
Thank you for support! I need to mention that I am women :) My ex husband lives separated from us and don't help not at all. He is working only for himself and his parents and about his daughter he doesn't feels responsible. My boyfriend with who I live now is unemployed and can't to find work almost a year. Also my mum is unemployed but she doesn't seek a work because that someone needs to watch over my little daughter. So I am only working person in my household. I have talked to them and they tries to support me, but they also are depleted from spending all time at home. I can understand them too, but maybe sometimes I really feel that the world is on my shoulders. And one more time - thank you!