when is the right time to tell your child that he is adopted?
By amrddy
@amrddy (215)
Philippines
July 18, 2010 2:18am CST
My friend adopted a little boy when he was just maybe one or two weeks old. Now the boy is going to celebrate his 7th year birthday. The problem is his adoptive father left their home five years ago. So how can you tell the boy that his father left them and he is adopted. Isn't this going to be "double whammy"?
6 responses
@Jaluke (676)
• United States
18 Jul 10
I think the sooner they know this the better. The longer they wait, the more dramatic the situation is probably going to end up being. When they're in their teens and older, it becomes a thing of trust. The child may feel betrayed at the fact that they weren't told for most of their life until now. So I would advise her letting him know sooner rather than later.
@almairah0730 (62)
• Philippines
25 Jul 10
I agree with you! I have an adoptive daughter and she just turned 10 last month. I told her, her real situation and what she is in the family when she was 3. Although I know, she didn't understand it yet, but the better. Because we cannot stopped the people who will comment..." oh is this your adopted?". I felt embarrassed about it, and so much with the child. So, I explained to her at an early age, at least, she knows the real score. Adoption don't really matters how she is in the family, but how you implanted love and acceptance of her in the family. After 4 years of having her, I gave birth to my biological son...and followed by another 2 biological babies..., and it didn't matter who is the original. though she knew that she didn't came out from my stomach, she knew that she came out from my heart.I love all of them!
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
26 Jul 10
That's a pretty rough scenario!
I am not even sure how to answer appropriately. I was adopted, but not until I was four years old so I just kinda grew up knowing I was and it was really no big deal! I would think the sooner the better though. If they wait until his teen years it'll be a lot more traumatic.
I am not even sure how to answer appropriately. I was adopted, but not until I was four years old so I just kinda grew up knowing I was and it was really no big deal! I would think the sooner the better though. If they wait until his teen years it'll be a lot more traumatic.
@for3verfamous (2190)
• Canada
18 Jul 10
My neighbor is actually in the same situation.. The boy is twelve and has no idea he is adopted. My neighbor who adopted him is actually raising him as a single mother so he has no idea who his father could be.. Everyone keeps telling her she needs to let him know he's adopted before he gets any older. If they don't know adopted until they're older.. Things might not work out well. I don't really have experience with this but I think its best not to wait too long to tell him.. Tell him when you think he will be able to understand what adoption is.
@bkrm_gupt (219)
• India
27 Jul 10
At my point of view i think it is better to say him before he knows,because this thing's we can't hide for long time one day he will know that. That time he feel bad about hearing that and he will regret a lot in his life and feel hopeless.
@rjkmrr (172)
• India
23 Jul 10
Every secret does not remain secret for so long. It is good to share as soon as possible. If he happen to know that he is a adopt son at the last breath he will regret a lot. If he knows at the small age he can adapt with the situation.
