Check these lines out && tell me what you think!!
By LaLa Leo
@mrscallands22 (2851)
United States
July 19, 2010 4:02pm CST
I have been writing poetry since I was a young girl and have a few poems published and have participated in a few Spoken Word poetry cafe's and I still offer my insight from time to time on others' pieces. I haven't been writing a lot lately and feel that my writer's block will just get worse and worse if I don't try to come out of it.. so yesterday I was sitting and thinking... and I wrote a few lines that I felt were meaningful and beautiful... I just haven't finished it yet.. but just tell me what you think so far. The following is untitled and unfinished.
Pierce my life-giver
Watch as the light slivers
From the irises of my sight
None too bright
It's not right
I know
Blood soaks what hides
My nudity
Not that it suited me
No more longevity
As I breathe heavily.
Untitled & unfinished
2 responses
@Rainbowliselle (498)
• Philippines
10 Sep 10
Nice one. How about rephrasing the lines... "None too bright. It's not right I know" to :
"...None too bright
I know it's not right"
In this way, your poem would rhyme well, just like this one I wrote which was just for fun though:
Should you wish to fart
To the open you should dart
So people won't start
Having problems with their heart
@mrscallands22 (2851)
• United States
13 Sep 10
Thanks for the insight!!
lol I like that one. It sounds like a song that little kids would chant!
@sender621 (14889)
• United States
19 Jul 10
Your lines are full of emotion and spirit and passion. Just let the words flow from your mind to the written form. I think you have what it takes. I am also a lover and writer of poetry . Just follow your heart and the poetry will follow.
@mrscallands22 (2851)
• United States
19 Jul 10
Thanks && I agree... great poetry comes from what we feel... and how other people relate to those feelings..
Thanks for your insight!!
