My Ex is (literally) going to kill me one day....

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.... ok, ok, I know most people say "so & so will be the death of me one day", but I really do think my ex will literally be the death of me. We met in '04, got married in '05...we had our first baby (a boy) in '05 too, we had a little girl in '06 & another little boy in '07. Our little girl was a NICU baby & was very sick, so after our second son I got my tubes tied so we could focus on the children we had at home instead of continuing having more children when we had a very high-attention/special-needs child to care for. (Oh, I waited to tie my tubes until after my 3rd baby because I didn't meet the age requirement - & I'm grateful because I love all three of my babies :) ) Anyways, after my tubes were tied my then-husband began to become very mean & controlling. In August of '07 (just weeks after delivering my youngest via repeat c-section, b/c of medical complications), he laid his hands on me enough to hurt me & leave me on the ground. It wasn't like he closed handed punched me, but he shoved me hard enough where my stitches ripped & my incision opened & started bleeding everywhere. I don't remember very much, but I remember waking up & him having taken off with all three of my babies. I called the police, but they said their was nothing to be done ... my best hope was to just "make-up" with him (I live in a Southern state that has that "good ol' boy" attitude, fyi). Later that night, I laid in bed crying. I normally slept in my daughters room because she was on a medical pump & so I could easily care for her when the alarms sounded on her pump, but for some weird reason I slept in the bed in the master bedroom (what I used to share with my then-husband before he changed). I couldn't sleep. I missed my babies soooo much. Then at three in the morning I started to feel sleepy & took off my contacts. A few minutes later I thought I heard someone breaking in ... knowing full well that my kids were with my ex, I grabbed my cell & called 9-11 from the master bathroom. Apparently, someone had driven their CAR thru my children's bedrooms. After a long & bitter divorce & custody battle I finally got custody. And a few months later I re-started college. And lo-an-behold ... while I was getting lunch one day, I overheard a conversation two people were having in front of me .... "Hey, you know that ****** got away with hiring someone to run a car into his wife's apartment?" "Yea, too bad the guy got the wrong room" Fast forward .... after all the headaches, mind games, fake burglaries (when he finds out I am visiting my grandma & not home when he drives by), the car going thru my apartment (I'll post a picture in the comments if I have one on this pc, otherwise I'll post it in the comments tonight).... I have to see a Dr to help with anxiety issues, my heart rate goes up super high when I know his weekend is coming up (he has a revoked licence & isn't allowed to drive over & pick up my kids - my lawyer has already verified that it is okay not to let him drive off with my kids b/c if he gets stopped & arrested my kids end up in "legal limbo" for who knows how long). My youngest had a b-day party at his paternal grandparents house this past weekend (which I was invited too). My ex & his new g/f put my youngest in super hot sweat pant & a thick long sleeve shirt (& we live in Texas & it was 103 degrees that day). Thank God I brought an extra set of clothes. That can get a child so overheated it can cause heat stroke, or even death. But my ex think it "cools them down" because they don't have sweat dripping off of them b/c the shirt & pants soaks it up. My youngest just turned 3 btw...and he's potty trained. But they always send him home to me in a diaper .... oh, excuse me, a "pull-up". Sorry, but once a child is potty trained, a pull-up is the same as a diaper to me. I have to go shopping for more underwear for him because he has literally lost 3 packages of underwear to my ex. And all this stress (from the car going thru my apartment to how he doesn't take care of my kids when he takes his weekend visits) is taking a serious toll on me, I can tell... besides the anxiety meds, I feel short of breath every time he argues over how he knows how to take care of them (oh, did I mention he ripped out my daughters surgically implanted feeding tube out of her abdomen? Then pinned me down while pregnant so I couldn't put back he feeding pump for her? And the opening started sealing shut on her? Yea, he's a piece of work).... I've been having this funny feeling in my chest too, kind of a squeezing/ flutter & I had to borrow a pair of my sisters sunglasses because I started getting a weird eye twitch from all the stress... I don't even know if this whole this makes sense, I hope it does, & I'll look for that pic of the accident....