How can I bust Him from Cheating.... :-(
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
Philippines
August 1, 2010 10:06pm CST
This is a serious topic....but i want to let it out just once...
He's working in Nevada as a Care-giver. been there since 2001 but he can't come home because he went T.N.T (sorry for US lotters here) because he can't apply here since he's at the retirement age.he has working VISA but i don't know his immigration papers still aren't done....
it was hard for him at first, i remember my mom telling that he was thrown stones at and some addicts chasing him in the night. but he likes to walk that saves him money from transport. when i saw him with my brother in their pic not only he has white hair but he has also lost weight (darn
)
all things well back then. except two to three years later when my brother gave a surprise call in his mobile phone, when he heard a woman's voice...it was shocking because he has an apartment and he supposed to be alone there. he was ill for a day after that, he became ok later. then, when my grandma was here, she busted him for cheating with the Mexican woman, he promised her he won't do it again, i think...then, few days later he told my mom he was going on leave to meet my auntie who's his sister, but when she visited here, she said they won't meet because of her plans.
I am starting to hate him, i know his attitude already of being so thrift and selfish with money that my mom has to begged him for it every single month. of course, if my mom would sure bust his balls with her words, he surely would tight his belt on us so that we wouldn't get remittance in months.
for now, i have started to get all the necessary requirements for job employment, i have been applying but this week i've been taking of the requirements so that things will be easy IF i get employed....
I really want him deported and send back directly to the province and not here. were sick of his attitude, despite of me being the favorite..maybe i should have realize it soon and love my brothers when i should have been more understanding.
There is hope. since am single and can get a job.doing my best though, it's not the same as before...
I know i feel like whining...but i felt i didn't deserve to have this situation. i thought i had one of the best family around, but knowing what i think he's doing out there..i feel am someday this family is gonna fall apart....like all the others.
)
all things well back then. except two to three years later when my brother gave a surprise call in his mobile phone, when he heard a woman's voice...it was shocking because he has an apartment and he supposed to be alone there. he was ill for a day after that, he became ok later. then, when my grandma was here, she busted him for cheating with the Mexican woman, he promised her he won't do it again, i think...then, few days later he told my mom he was going on leave to meet my auntie who's his sister, but when she visited here, she said they won't meet because of her plans.
I am starting to hate him, i know his attitude already of being so thrift and selfish with money that my mom has to begged him for it every single month. of course, if my mom would sure bust his balls with her words, he surely would tight his belt on us so that we wouldn't get remittance in months.
for now, i have started to get all the necessary requirements for job employment, i have been applying but this week i've been taking of the requirements so that things will be easy IF i get employed....
I really want him deported and send back directly to the province and not here. were sick of his attitude, despite of me being the favorite..maybe i should have realize it soon and love my brothers when i should have been more understanding.
There is hope. since am single and can get a job.doing my best though, it's not the same as before...
I know i feel like whining...but i felt i didn't deserve to have this situation. i thought i had one of the best family around, but knowing what i think he's doing out there..i feel am someday this family is gonna fall apart....like all the others.3 people like this
12 responses
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
2 Aug 10
LetranKnight25,
I don't think there's much you can do if your mother does not want to pursue the matter.
As for deportation, unless he has committed a crime or flouted the immigration laws, I do not think this will be effected upon him.
Why don't you leave things as it is between the family and him and move on? Try and live better off than him and without him. Because, I just find no logic for you to rant and rant while he is having a ball of a time without all of you.
Take care and have a nice day.
@skysuccess (8857)
• Singapore
3 Aug 10
LetranKnight25,
Not meant to pry, but why do any one of you back home have to pay whatever he had chalked up on his own credit card?
I find this odd as shouldn't he be paying for it, in the first place? I can understand the animosity here, however, I do not see anything wrong in not paying for whatever he incurred for himself. If that's a sub card, then shouldn't the principal card holder do something about it i.e. terminating?
You have a nice day.
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
3 Aug 10
I won't. unless not that i have the money for a full surveillance. my family has the RIGHT since we end up paying the card bill that he used to go to US, and we are still paying for that credit card. Why don't I? i have move on, but for me it is unacceptable, will always be unacceptable in this family to have that kind of situation... i sacrifice a lot in my childhood, and this is how he reward us? we will be better one day..
@rsa101 (40966)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
I am so sorry to hear that you are in this situation right now. But I guess that only thing that could solve your family's financial needs is to really look for a job so you could somehow help your mother who is needing help right now. I guess once you get a financially stable job can you slowly separate from your dependence on your father's monthly remittance. I understand it is his obligation to support you as their father but I guess being in a far place is also hard without anyone supporting him in there but himself. If he is spending money thrifty in there I guess you can say that he has his needs there as well and I think both of your sides are in the survival mode this time. Him trying to live comfortably as he could because that is his only consolation for being so alone in that place. And in your case financially depending on him who you see as controlling the money that is supposed to be yours. I think it has to stopped. Stop being dependent on a father that doesn't care and start supporting on your own. If you have to work abroad as well to replace what your father has abandoned then do it. Stop wishing about deportation because I know there will come a day that he will be caught and get deported.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (40966)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
I guess it is really easy for me to say stop in here because I am not in your shoes right now. But I guess that is the solution I see from your case. I think letting him know that you are trying to get from him and he is unwilling already makes him important to you and would always do that. But if you let him feel that he is not needed anymore then he might just change his mind as well.
I guess your mom would be happy to see you work and not let you stay at home. I am pretty sure it may be hard at first but for sure when things are stable already you two can adjust for yourself. I guess finding a job is the best solution to it.
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
i wonder why i make this discussion. i guess it was a mistake. this is a deep hole problem. i know what am gonna but still troubles me working with out accompanying my mom at home. kinda like annes problem too. it's easy for you to say "STOP" because i have been trying that for two years, really...it's not easy at it looks, am not even asking for money, my mom is.1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
dear brother,
I can relate with you on this matter dear.
Your mom and i were at the same boat just on separate deck (ugh!)
Don't hate your dad,don't let hatred lives in your heart.
I always try my best to explain to my kids about anger and hatred.
You can hate your dad and it is normal,just don't let it grow in you.
Sometimes the easiest way to forget someone is hating that someone and thinking all the bad and wrong doings.
But never let hatred lives in us,let it go and then moved on.
I have learned so much from it,live in peace and accept reality that life is full of surprises.
He is still your dad,you don't need to respect or love him anymore just don't let hatred remain in your heart.
You need to think of better ways to help your mom and make things easier for her.
I am also a single mother (with no remittance from my kids father)
I had 3 kids and the eldest is now studying at university.
I never asks or expect financial support from their father anymore.
I stand alone to give my kids a future.
And his name is almost unheard at home (my kids were used not to talked about him)
Forgive your dad,he can never be a friends of yours but don't consider him as your enemy too.
Living with peace in your heart is life with contentment.
Smile my dear little brother
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
yes,it is easier said than done (now)
but later you will learn to forgive,like how we asks forgiveness to other people when we did something wrong and they forgive us.
learn with it,life is too short to spend hating and condemning bad events.
Happy Monday dear bro
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
No, i don't think she knows about the cheating or she doesn't want to tell us. but i know since it was my grandma who bust him. my elder siblings kinda hate him a bit because they knew his real attitude before i start going to school. like i said, i must have been whining. i know this time will come, but what i hate of him is he keeps money for himself. what you told me in your last statement, easy said than done. am in the brink of realization, i can't do that now
@eurekafemme (5874)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
Hi, Letran... I am sorry to hear this from your end.I know how painful it is for you to be betrayed by your Father. It is not easy the the man you looked up to isn't worthy enough of such respect and admiration. I'd like to tell you to try to understand his situation and just be there for him but I couldn't. I myself could not understand why some men can not be strong enough to protect their family especially their children from getting hurt...
I'd wish your father to be a little selfless and think of you, your brothers and your Mum, but, I know he wouldn't because he is just so weak to resist temptation and his own needs must be taken care of...
So, I'd wish and pray for you to be strong, indeed. Hoping that one day, when you are man enough to build a family of your own, you have learned a lesson from this experience...
God bless you, dear.
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
3 Aug 10
Sometimes I wonder...
Why would i build a family of my own. my dad, elder siblings had experience cheating already, and i don't want that in my life time. they say it's normal. i'd say "you're not mature, or not ready to settle down" in case they started spouting that marriage or having a gf thing.
I am strong, in some degree. selfless? if he was then we wouldn't have financial trouble here. he can never change. I can protect my family, it's his financial support that we really need.
@charmlenile (387)
•
2 Aug 10
you have all the right to bust him down after all he done something bad. if ever you can go to the U.S embassy to report him that his not staying there legally and yet he cheated many times. and besides you don't have to feel upset in the situation your doing a great job. and sometimes we cannot put blames on something rather fixed it. good day letran
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
3 Aug 10
i could. but not today. he'll be sent here directly at home if he's deported, which is bad for us since we don't want him much around anymore.he didn't cheat many times, but since my grandma was the one who busted him, then my suspicions arises
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
I am not sure how you can get him deported, but you can try asking a lawyer if this is possible. One thing I know that can stop a person from going out of our country is if there is already a case filed against him. But as with other people, once they are out, the chances of getting them deported are quite impossible. This is why a lot of philandering husbands prefer to go abroad because they cannot be liable given our corrupt justice system.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
I think and believe that he doesn't have a choice. if he was still here, our entire house would have still be garbage like since he thrifts a lot of stuff. imagine, my other room filled with balikbayan box full of crap what ever they have collected.
I won't for now. maybe it's not the right time, but i would understand him knowing that he's lonely out there but too dangerous for him to be set free there alone
. am only saying but probably when am financially stable, i could have him investigated in secret.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Aug 10
Hi letran is this your father? sounds like he is really cheating on your
mom. Hes in Nevada but he cannot come home,to the Philippines? You sound
really stressed. And if your mom came down on him it seems it would just make things even worse.,wow thats a real problem. I think there are ways you could get him deported but for your mom's sakes not where you are,I take it.I am glad you have this place to vent your worrries. maybe some of us can help in some way.I think you could report him if he has not got all his immigration papers done. I am not sure how to go about it but check on the web about deporting and immigration, there is sure to be some information. Hope you can get a decent job as that will help and hope you can straighten out your family.
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
my mom is happy with him not around. it's later in my adult age where i found out how he can be too controlled and abusive.it seems that she doesn't care anymore as long as Dad is sending some remittance, which is really a trouble since he's thrifting and making excuses for us. his schedule of sending money matters most than sending it when it is needed. he can't come home, honestly i don't want him around since am happy the way things are now.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
i know how it feels letran my friend my father is a cheater as well. he is a musician and we grew up hearing their quarrels about women and financial. it was a head ache, scary and embarrassing specially for me that i was very young then. first born of 5 siblings. my mother as i can say was not that happy when he was working abroad. for there were no fighting that we can hear, but we dont know that everytime they talk on the phone there was still cursing and fighting because of women issues. i can not write here everything that happened but now my father is no longer living with us. he has a different family. for me if your mother is better of without him then there is no need to deport him. if he get deported he will be bossy around your mother again. for me my father does not deserve my mother, my mother can be happy even without him. it is hard when you are in the middle of two large stone. i hope you can do the best of what you think is best.
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
One thing for sure, my mom is happy now with out my fathers presence. almost all of the trash that here had been finally been taken out!
some are being used. sad to say i wasn't able to inherit dad's saving skills, he is addicted into thrifting and saving money.
I wonder, seven, am kinda new to this..i thought would have been a good family and not ended up like yours and other kids fathers situation. it's hard though we have to face this problems about men not being able to compromise with the relationship. I'd stay single until am ready, to HELL with biological thingy
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Aug 10
Is this your dad you're talking about? Or your brother? 
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
3 Aug 10
I am sorry for your situation LetranKnight; you’re right you don’t deserve this and neither does your mother and the rest of the family. I have no clue in regards to deportation; I would imagine the immigration department would be able to inform you. It must be so difficult to see your mum begging for more money...How does your mother feel, does she know he cheats? He sounds like she may be in denial and knows but is not willing to talk about it. All you can do is be there for her and hopefully when you find employment you will be able to help out more and over time you will need him less and less although I’m sure emotionally it must be tough. I hope you have the strength to what you need to for you, your mother and family. I will send some prayers your way...
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
3 Aug 10
i don't care what he does, he should do his obligation to mom. well, for now am taking care of my requirements and after my clearances ready, i'll go straight ahead to applying for work. i just hope i get a job within three months, but highly doubtful after almost two years out of work1 person likes this
@louisefrank (356)
•
2 Aug 10
It sounds to me that you are trying to solve everyone's problems in your family, which makes you a very kind and caring person but it's not necessarily the right thing to do. The issue of their relationship is between your mother and father. You can't live their lives for them. They must sort out their own tensions and problems. All you need to do is to support them and listen to them if they want to talk. Money is a different issue. It must be hard for your mother having to beg for what is rightfully hers. Can you talk to your father about this? Tell him that it's making everyone in the family unhappy. He must love you in his own way or he wouldn't still be in touch. Get that job too and start saving some money so that you can some independence and not be reliant on your father's money. Is your mother capable of working? If she got a job she could then cut your father out of her life - if that's what she wants. As for getting him deported, that wouldn't solve the money problem or the problem of his relationship with his family. Good luck to you all.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
2 Aug 10
He's the type of guy who doesn't talked things about himself or what he really do! yeah, i will. i guess i shouldn't complain that much, he's gone to states, no more making house look like a warehouse and no more begging him for money, he can do what ever he wants for all i care. i am applying for a job, i had a job before, it was my fault when my mom asked me to resign, maybe i shouldn't have listened and continue working. i wouldn't end up in this crap.
