a rant and a question about parenting!
By peedielyn
@peedielyn (1207)
United States
August 4, 2010 9:20am CST
I have 7 kids coming and going out of house at any given time. My problem currently is the two oldest step kids right now. The older boy is 13 and lacks a lot of things. He steals and refuses to take a bath and is a slug when it comes to chores. He literally takes 3 hours to do the dishes and I am about to pull my hair out. I say that because the only thing he has to wash is the pans we cook in and wipe down the counters, and the fact that they eat from paper products.
My other issue is the soon to be 12 year old. She whines about imaginary scratches, and is always creating drama of some sorts. She lies constantly and gets upset when we don't just stop what we are doing to just "search out" another imaginary scratch or bug bite. I am complaining because I just had back surgery and for the first few days my incision was bleeding and she just couldn't get over why I was hurting and sore when really we just needed to break our necks to look for her ailments.
Recently my beau's mother invited me and my daughter to a tea party. I ended up with a migraine and didn't feel well so He took them there. From what I was told she screamed at the top of her lungs that no one wanted her and even her own mother didn't want anything to do with her. I am aggravated. I have even yelled at her that "we know that you exist, samantha! You are tall and blond and loud and you have a bad attitude. There is no reason that you have to act like this. Everyone of us agrees that you are annoying, so stop the drama". That was putting it nicely. I need help before I end up leaving and not comeing back. I hate it here more than anyone will ever know. I just don't know how to deal with her or the boy anymore. I have taken things away from them, I have punished them and my patience are wore out!! What would you do? Any suggestions would help!!
1 person likes this
3 responses
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Aug 10
I am not now nor have I ever been a step-parent. However, I think that the two children that you are referring to need help that you and your beau aren't able to give to them. I know that divorce can be traumatic for children and perhaps what they are going through is because of the fact that they don't have the mental tools that they need to deal with their emotions. I might suggest looking into therapy or group sessions.
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
22 Nov 10
We are in counceling, all of us, and I think that (though it should) it's benefitting them more than anyone else. Joshua has cleaned up his act quite a bit and then some. Samantha on the other hand has mellowed some. Just not as much as we would like. Keep us in your thoughts!
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
4 Aug 10
To me it sounds like the two step kids might need to go into counseling, maybe not even anything major, just a scheduled appointment to see their school counselor, and usually they can access whether further counseling is needed or not.
The girl seems to maybe want or desire some sort of attention she feels she's not getting. Making up scratch marks and all that seems to be a cry for attention, one that needs to be re focused.
I'm speaking from my own experiences as my husband and I do not yet have children.
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
10 Aug 10
Thank you for the input. I realize that every child needs attention. We just recently figured out that her mother "buys" her things to keep her entertained rather than to deal with this "attention" problem. I guess many years ago, she was the baby and got all the attention. Her parents divorced and her father remarried and had another child, not to mention, when that marriage broke up, he added me and my 4 kids to the mix. She is cruel to her baby sister who is now 4 and starting to do the same things as Samantha. It's driving me nuts. Josh pays a lot more attention to the little one, obviously, and there's more that lies there. She IS still little and plus she is the "baby"--i.e. the last one. I feel for Sam some days and then other days I want to wring her neck. Her dad has pretty much all but given up on this kid because of the excessive lying, whining, carrying on...etc. I told him what he needed to do was jerk her up and bust her bottom one good time and she would quit that. Her mother agrees to an extent. Sam is her last born, but at the same time, she wants to remarry also (no more kids in the future) and has accepted her fiance's children. Sam has an issue with that. She doesn't believe that anyone should have any attention other than her. It's driving me nuts.
Josh has high hopes for Joshua. He thinks there is potential. To be honest, I don't see that. I don't see the gumption to do the things he needs to do just to survive. His mother agrees. I told her to get them counceling or to at least spend time, not money on them and she got upset and hung up on me. My kids are not perfect, but me being their mother, if I catch them in something, i get to them now, not later. Joshua and Samantha are not mine, so I can't do anything other than ground them from the computer or game systems. I pray this all ends soon. I can't take it anymore. Thank you again.
@gdesjardin (1918)
• United States
22 Aug 10
I would definitely suggest counseling. Sometimes kids can't cope with things, and perhaps the divorce is bothering them a lot more than they are telling you. The fact that your step daughter yelled at the tea party that no one wanted her, apparently she feels so abandon. Some kids can cope well with divorce (or at least can learn to cope), others can't. The stealing and the lies are usually signs that they are crying for attention. It must be very difficult for the kids to go through a divorce and then have their father go through another divorce and now they are getting used to you...I am sure it is very hard for them. I am sure it is extremely hard for you as well, especially as I am sure you don't want your own kids to pick up their bad behavior. I would definitely look into the counseling. There are a bunch of counselors that work on a sliding scale according to your income and family size (as you obviously have a large family). Good luck to you and your family.
