Would you move mum and dad in or find a nursing home for them
By kneeshka123
@kneeshka123 (392)
August 10, 2010 12:42pm CST
When are parents get old and one of them dies leaving the other alone, what would you do.
Would you think about their situation or would you just carry on and let them carry on as normal.
When they become in need of daily help what do you think you would do - be honest with yourself.
This is my answer
I only have my Dad left as Mum died in 1998 of Cancer. At the time I was ill and my children had been living with Mum and Dad for a number of years but now they would be alone with Dad.
Dad was still capable but after the funeral I moved in with Dad and we all helped each other. Dad was devastated about Mum, missed her terribly but I think he was lucky in that he had so much to be getting on with, looking after my children that he didn't have time to cave in and give up, although I know he wanted to.
My Dad and I love each other but he doesn't like my character too much. I know that he thinks I have a big mouth and too much of an opinion for his liking but somehow we have always been amicable with each other. That doesn't mean that I don't love him very much. He means the world to me he does.
Five years after Mum died Dad started to look for someone to spend time with. Him and Mum used to travel every year and I suppose he hoped to find someone he could to the same with. He used to say to me "Don't answer the phone because they think I have a wife/girlfriend and put the phone down". And so they did.
He signed up with various dating agencys and met many women who he would take out to dinner and take it from there. He took one lady on holiday and he said she drove me mad she wouldn't go outside the hotel.
Poor Dad - After a number of years dating he went on a blind date with two good friends of his and at last he met a lady he got on with.
It is now 2010 and they have been living together for a few years now. He sold his house and they moved into her flat and now they travel around the world.
My Dad is going to be 74 this month and he is lucky that he can do for himself and his girlfriend although he has got Emphysema and had to have a balloon put into his heart earlier this year.
If my Dad became too ill to look after himself I wouldn't hesitate to give him my bedroom and live in the front room. I love my Dad more than ever now and could never repay him for what he has done for me over the years. There is no way I would let my Dad go to live in a Nursing Home - I would look after him myself.
7 responses
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Aug 10
Hi kneeshka
It seems odd to me that people think and even leave their parents at nursing homes. I would never consider this anytime in my life. I mean it is not going into my thoughts and I do not approve of it.
It is great that your dad has found a partner to spend some time with. Unfortunately, in my country this is still considered as a social stigma and that adds to the miseries of old people.
It is also nice to know that if you place your dad at a Nursing Home you would take care of him, but I believe that people at this age need someone from the family to be together with rather than spend time alone at the Nursing Home. So please think about this too before taking a decision.
@kneeshka123 (392)
•
17 Aug 10
Hi there
I don't know why but you seem to have been confused about what I was saying about leaving your parents in a nursing home.
I would never consider leaving my father in a home. I couldn'ty bare to think of my Dad being cared for by someone he didn't know and anyway I, like you, believe that we need to be looked after by are family when we get old. I don't trust alot of these carers, they can not fall in love with their patients and loving my dad would be the first and foremost requirementI would look for in a carer.
As this is impossible I am the only person that would be suitable for the job.
Touch wood, I don't think my Dad will need to be looked after as he is very healthy for his age, ;but as we all know a day can change your world.
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
Thank you for sharing. I became a bit emotional as I read your story. I was touched by the fact that you're more than willing to accept your dad and take care of him as much as you can.
My grandmother was diabetic, had high-blood, had Alzheimer's disease.. my mom and her siblings and our ever loyal caretaker of 40 years took care of my grandmother. A nursing home is always an option but never in our minds and hearts to consider sending our beloved granny in someone else's care. We just love her too much, the way you do with your dad. It was an up-and-down 6 year run and just this June, my grandmother passed away at 81. Its almost 2 months since she's gone, but her memories will never be forgotten.
I guess it is really true that "People won't remember what you did but will remember how you made them feel." My grandmother made me feel all the love and care. For that I am thankful.
And for you kneeshka123, it's nice knowing someone like you. Spending more time with the ones you love and never taking anyone or time for granted is the best thing that you'd do for your dad aside from your love and care. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
@kneeshka123 (392)
•
12 Aug 10
I am sure you and your family made your grandmother's last days alive as best as you could.
I'm sure she went surrounded with peace, love and a certain amount of calmness as she knew that she was loved very much because her family were with her daily.
Bless your Grandmother - she will be shining down on you today and everyday.
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
2 Sep 10
My father is 87 years old now and thank God he is still strong and in good health. I could never think of giving him in to a nursing home because that would really make him sad and we will also felt the same. We love our dad even do he might not be the best father in the whole world. We can't just put him away like that.
Nursing home is good enough place for old people especially if the old people has no one to take care of them. But if the children is capable enough why would they put their parents in the nursing home that would be cruel to think about.
@personaave (598)
• Philippines
11 Aug 10
Other people may say that they're only after the betterment of their old parents' situation or condition that's why they place them in nursing homes. I can say that nursing homes may have good facilities or equipment and professional staff who can help and take care of the old people, but I will take into consideration what my parents would want. But as for me, I will not send them to nursing home when I know that I can take care of them well. I still think that no one will be able to give them the care and love that family can give.
1 person likes this
@kneeshka123 (392)
•
12 Aug 10
I am sure our Parents would say to us that they don't want to be a bother when they reach their time (their time being when they are unable to care for themselves), but we know ourselves that we say things that we don't really mean.
When I look at situations I always put myself in the position so I can try and see and understand it, from the person involved. I know that if it was myself I would definatly not want to go somewhere that I did not know anyone especially if I was ill. I would much rather be with people who love me.
I don't think I could trust anyone else with someone so dear to me. You know, the carer may be having a bad day and it rubs off on their clients. How would I feel if my carer was moody around me - would it be my thought, is it something I've done or said? These are thoughts and feelings you just don't need to be in your head around such a sensitive time - after all this time of our lifes is when we are virtually waiting to die. Do you want to die alone?
I know I don't want to die alone.
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
12 Aug 10
When I was 12 years old and I got sick, it so happened that I got my period when I was in the hospital. Of course I got blood in my underwear. I could move freely cause I had so many hose in my body at that time so my mom took care of those things. I told her, she should not wash it cause when I am well, I will wash it at home. But then she told me that its okay if she do that cause when she gets old and wont be able to do things anymore, I will be the one to take care of her and my dad. So in answer to your question, I am definitely going to take care of them myself and not think about the nursing home.
1 person likes this
@kneeshka123 (392)
•
12 Aug 10
I seems to me that you say that you will care for your parents if they need it because your Mum has told you that it will be your job, but have you really thought about it.
After all, who knows what you will be doing, if and when it happens, you may be a high-powered business person, very busy, too busy to even cook for yourselve when you get home.
This question is quite difficult to answer. Befiore you answer it there is much to take into considerstion don't you think.
@MirandaKay (231)
• United States
11 Aug 10
I will take care of my parents as long as I am physically capable. I have heard so many horror stories about nuring homes. Putting my parents in a nursing home will be the absolute last resort possible.
1 person likes this
@kneeshka123 (392)
•
17 Aug 10
I know there are many horror stories to be read concerning nursing homes. Love is the one requirement that could not be met when looking for a carer. This makes me the only suitable candidate.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
1 Sep 10
If ever my dad lives with us, i would probably be the one to move! ha ha i would not even put him in a nursing home.. :P After all that he's caused us, i am sure he's got already no b*lls to show his face to us because he abandoned us first.
Well seriously, I would not even dare think of puttin gmy mom in a nursing home. If ever she will need us to care for her, I would do that, as a daughter, i feel that is part of my responsibility... I should really do my best in serving my parents well. (mom only, actually haha )
