Is there a wrong kind of love?

@laydee (12798)
Philippines
August 17, 2010 8:36pm CST
My life is a walking cliche right now and I know I'm doing something obviously wrong to other people. I am still in love with an ex who has cheated on me. We're not together, neither are we talking about us. But I still get to talk to him for about 10mins or so each day, usually online. I know I need to get over the guy, but my heart won't let me. There's no one else in our lives right now and since we started out as friends, I figured talking won't hurt as long as there's no wounds being opened. But I know I still love him. Is there a wrong kind of love?
4 people like this
24 responses
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
18 Aug 10
laydee, Are you willing to compromise in the framework of a relationship or you prefer to pursue your individualistic goals? It does not necessarily be an either or, but in your own private scaling, how much are you willing to relent towards the other side of the scale that isn't part of your grand plan? Many times, there are middle grounds that we could tread, not just caught between a rock and a hard place. Learn to remove 'rightness' and 'wrongness' in any decision. Decisions are neutral. There are only wise and unwise choices. Willing or unwilling choices. If you cannot determine what is wise and unwise, then you decide what you are willing or unwilling to undertake. Cheers.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
I like the way you think. Indeed it's logical to think of things as neutral because who really could say that something is bad or not?? hehehe.. Philosophy.. sheez
@melmabb (579)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
I think there is no such thing as wrong Kind of Love, it is only the wrong choice of who to Love.Even the Bible says Love your enemies..Regarding your case,if that X CHEATED on you and ask Forgiveness and you accept it,then that's it, there's no reason to talk about it,as you say you're eX, so it means you're off and you remain friends, but if BOTH OF YOU still have the Feelings and free from other relationship, then why not continue,Humans commit mistakes,and learn from it, I f he Loves you then things can be change for good...But if this Love is one sided then better think a million times,it is the wrong person to Love...Thanks.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Thanks for the thoughts. We are both free from other relationships but I'm in no hurry to have another one just yet, neither do I have the feeling of rushing back with him (if he does ask because we never go through this type of conversations anymore). Further, if there is another chance for the both of us, I now would see to it that his love (with proof of course) would be greater than mine - but still that is in the far future, for now I'm enjoying being detached, at least I don't have to worry about someone else for a change.
@Tresaqwe (376)
• United States
18 Aug 10
I do believe that there is a very wrong type of love, and that you are definitely experienced in it. I think that you need to back out of this, and stop talking to this ex. He is not good for you and obviously you are doubting the fact that you are talking to him by the fact that you posted this here on mylot for help. Personally, I believe that you should just avoid him. If he cheated on you, he doesn't exactly deserve your attention, in my opinion. I would stop talking to him until you get over him and move on, he isn't worth it.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Talking to the ex makes me slowly realize what was wrong with the relationship. Don't get me wrong, we no longer talk about 'us' we just talk about our individual lives. There's no longer talks of forever and relationships, the conversation somehow heals me because I get to get answers. I think it is just my way of healing. I do believe that people are not all bad. It is only the wrong choices we made. I can't quite explain it. But talking to the person who hurt you is better than figuring it out alone. Thanks for sharing, I do appreciate the post.
• United States
18 Aug 10
My personal thoughts to you and anyone in this situation is that just because someone who is suppose to love you back hurts you this way does not mean you instantly stop loving the person. You may not like and feel hurt over what they have done but the love is still there and until you decide it is no longer healthy to remain in love with someone like this nothing I or anyone tells you will make you change your mind. Good luck to you as time and or another interest will heal all wounds.
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
I think there is... And I also think that there's something wrong with you. He just cheated on you but you can still manage to talk to him everyday? You're hurting yourself. And you let him look at you small. Do not over do love. Remember that overflowing things are wasted. Yes you love him, but you need to love yourself more. And you really won't get over it because you're still in touch. Avoid doing things that may remind him of you. And try to avoid him as well. All things pass. Find the right one and be happy in love once again. Don't lock yourself on him. He' not worth it.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Ah it was well over a month before things got calm. I guess I have accepted somehow that things would no longer be the same. I just have the thinking 'life is too short to spend most of it angry', I am no longer seeing a future in us, but I still do enjoy the friendship. Nor am I closing doors to other people.
@queery (83)
• Jamaica
18 Aug 10
Love is love its neither wrong nor right, it does its own thing. We are born with an infinite reserve of love in our hearts and we choose who we want to bestow it upon. You have obviously chosen some one who doesnt want it. But no matter you have plenty more where that came from! So what i would do if i were you, i would take my love and give it to some one who will appreciate it more. Best of luck!
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
I don't think there is a wrong kind of love. Even forbidden love as they call it can't be wrong. Love is afterall, a feeling - something we have no control over, something we cannot live without, something we cannot choose not to have. Love is an emotion and i think it is always positive, for us to give away ourselves... I remember when someone told me that when you love, you give the person the power to hurt you. And i guess that is true, but even if you were hurt, it still is not a bad thing - thru this we learn, we grow, and we understand and we give more right? Do not think any more of the negativities that love brings, to one negative effect, there are a hundred positive results out of love... and Love itself is a celebration... it is a selfless act.
1 person likes this
@Absinto (2385)
• Portugal
18 Aug 10
I dont think their is a wrong kind of love but i do think there are wrong choices, you chose to talk to him as friends even though he broke your heart. You still love him and i think if you continue like this something might happen and you could end up getting hurt again.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
18 Aug 10
Love is a wonderful feeling to have. When we are in love, we never see it as veing wrong. i believe that a love can only be wrong if we are inflicting pain physically or emotionally to another person because of that love. If there is no joy in this love, how can it be right?
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Nicely said. Indeed love is the greatest feeling one could ever encounter or feel, but sadly with love comes hurt. You are actually opening yourself up to someone and that someone could hurt you if they wish to. In this world full of hate and sadness, I really find those few who have found their match and love to be very lucky.
@knicnax (2233)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
"I figured talking won't hurt as long as there's no wounds being opened." Don't you think talking to him is already opening wounds? I used to have this problem, and sadly what I did was very wrong. I looked (and found) another lover. I was still in love with my ex but I filled my thoughts with love for the new guy, but then, everytime my ex and I get to talk, I talk to him, put my current bf aside. I eventually got over my ex after a few years, when I grew tired of my rebound bf. Although, I have to admit that my ex still holds a special place in my heart, as I really loved him dearly and is already a part of me. All I can say is that, don't force yourself to get over him immediately. It takes time, but it also takes conviction. Tell yourself that you'll get over him. Start to slowly detach yourself. Instead of talking everyday, talk every other day, then every 2 days, then once a week, until you find your self free. There's no wrong kind of love, there's just a bad timing :)
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Hmmm.. That's just it. I don't want a rebound guy. I don't want to go through hurting a person so that I could get over my ex. I just want to just talk to him until my heart grows tired of everything and decide to just feel nothing anymore. I think that is better than hurting someone else.
• Philippines
19 Aug 10
as you've said that guy is cheated you after that is that guy take effort to maintain your relationship?? if not why you will continue loving him you're the one who hurt yourself think his negative traits are he worth for your love? don't sacrifice yourself try to move on there's someone who worth for your love try to be open your heart to anyone else...hoping for your happiness...good luck
• India
18 Aug 10
i believe if som1 loves u truly then he would not cheat on u.this is not love its lust.the person u have chosen to love is wrong and ur love deserves a better person who respects u and ur love.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
20 Aug 10
Hmmm.. I'm not really asking about his love for me because anyone would see that his love wasn't true at all, for cheating is the worst form of proof to show it's false. But I'm actually referring to my love for him or other people or couple's love.
• United States
18 Aug 10
Yes there is it is people that want you do that you know is wrong.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Aug 10
My dear, there is wrong kind of love and you are in it. I suggest that you should stop talking to him and let him go. Been to this situation few years ago and I am telling you girl... stop it coz it will not ease the pain you got when he cheated on you and you will not be able to move on with your own life. Love yourself first give yourself some respect.
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
18 Aug 10
I think you should get over with him... He has cheated as a lover... how do you know he won't cheat as a friend too??? In any case, I think, you should move on... MOVE ON!!!! Get over with it... There are many good people around... YOu don't have hang with this guy only...
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
Hello laydee, It's just conversation, there's nothing wrong with that. you don't have to tell him that you still Love him, besides, like what i have said before, it takes time to let go. you have friends i believe you can spend time. is this person still in a relationship with the other girl? godbless to you, you're mature enough to make you're own decisions in life.
• India
18 Aug 10
Well if once you guys have decided to break off, there should had been some solid reason behind it. There must be some reasons that he is your Ex now and you guys aren't in a relationship anymore. Oh yeah, he cheated on you , and perhaps hurted you quite deeply and at the same time have dishonored your true love. So i find no point for you talking to that guy. Its just an excuse to hurt yourself. Perhaps you have loved him very truly and so its difficult for you to forget him or not to talk to him, but being practical is also necessary. That guy may not be worth your love and trust again. There is no wrong kinda love,but its just a wrong kinda person to love according to me. So I think you should not attach yourself to him again, because he may hurt you again, and you must be knowing now how much does that pain. So, as prevention is better than cure, you should be very practical about it. Be hopeful, there must be some Mr.Right waiting for you somewhere around you. Take care :)
@elleb0418 (1107)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
There is nothing wrong in loving someone,but try to figure out if the one you love is worth it.You said your ex hurt you,but you still love him.One thing you can move on is try not to talk to him anymore,let first the wounds healed then maybe after that if you will met along the way you will then found out that you are now okay,and you will realized that love isn't there anymore. Don't waste your time in loving someone who does not appreciate your love,happiness is a choice.
@skull26 (15)
• Mexico
18 Aug 10
love is something hard to understand, but we always find the answer whwn least expectec
• United States
18 Aug 10
If he is your first love, it will be hard to get over. Even though he cheated on you. There is nothing wrong with you, even though you started out as friends you can still be friends. Try to find someone new, it will be hard but you can do it. There are tons of guys out there, just dont compare anyone you date to your ex that will keep you from moving on.