I thought that most men are loser
By caesarin
@caesarin (1089)
Indonesia
August 18, 2010 5:14am CST
I am not saying ALL men are loser. I speak of this because I saw many loser men around me and it wonders me do most men are born loser.
With all respect to men, in sarcastic way (when I got very emotional) man is a creature of physical concern only. People say that man is more rational than woman . . . well maybe but woman can be both rational and emotional. I saw that they are more depending. So, boys are depending upon their sisters and mothers, husband depending upon their wives. Speaking of spousing, I believe you know the difference between being depending and understanding (each other).
Well, to make it short, I think a man is not a loser when:
1. being responsible to every actions and decisions he made no matter what
2. wise not just kind
3. aware of the factual conditions and react to the conditions considerably
Let's take my husband for example. It's not hard to admit this to myself because the pictures came clear to me. It's only hard for me to call it to his face that he is one of the loser.
I thought to myself that it was to early to conclude but everytime I saw what he was doing, it was very hard for me not to think of him as a loser.
So he was kind and nice person, that's he is and that's what people know.
But do people know what is happening behind the curtain?
I am a mother of 3 children now (4.5yrs, 2.5yrs and 5months). With so many mouths to feed, my husband didn't do much to earn more. I used to encourage him to do more to earn but he always says I can't do that (it's not me). Well, I think with our conditions here I do lots of things that is not me too but I have too so that I can earn more. Luckily that my previous boss employs me again so that I can get monthly income. I recently asked him whether he ever imagine what he'll do if I don't get any monthly income. He said yes, I do think of it. But trust me, nothing he did shows that he was trying to earn more.
I am not a material girl but if he is not going to do anything, money will become an issue.
Another thing is that his realtionship with children, he is poor in this kind of relationship. maybe he was not to blame because his father was not good with children too. But didn't he want a better relationship with his children.
At least if you don't earn money, you take care of the children. He doesn't want to that either.
I don't want to put him in such position (calling him a loser) but if I am not the one to change that, he is. I am very sorry to for the fact it is.
Maybe his mother is not familiar with the term loser but she also thought about my husband a lot (like I did).
I should say that he is feeling too comfort before (being the youngest), so enjoy so much the comfort zone and now with 3 children and his parents and me can support financially he just sit and enjoy his life like the way it was.
I really worry about this because my youngest is a boy. I STRONGLY don't want him to be like my husband.
Please make any comments of what you think about man = loser.
9 responses
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Aug 10
All of us love to draw conclusions based on what we see around us and these conclusions are not always right. Thanks for agreeing that all men are not losers. Actually no human is a born loser. This attitude gets into the humans only when
1. s/he gets whatever s/he wants
2. there is no zeal to live and no desire to do anything
In your hubby's case, I believe that he is getting what he ever needed and aspired for and this is why he doesnt feel like doing anything. His not taking care of his children is also indicative that he is suffering from a high state of Ego and doesnt believe in doing things that are generally the chores of a woman. I would suggest that you took him to a psychiatrist and have him checked. It is not going to be a pleasurable experience for you but face it sooner than it is late.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 10
I agree with you about the high state of EGO. Unfortunately, he doesn't realize the EGO he has had suffers me.
Speaking of men are not born loser, I pity my husband for making himself a loser. I tried so hard to encourage him to be a man but all I got is just disappointment. I tried the soft/tender way and I think I'm no longer in soft/tender mode. I should let him learn the hard way. I really don't want to do what I'm going to do that might hurt his feeling in the future but he doesn't give me any options.
I don't really know what to do about him.
Thanks.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 10
Thanks very much for your understanding and support.
You know, it often(ly) breaks my heart to see him just sit down in front of the computer ignoring his environment. I repeatedly told him that we're still young and in our productive age, don't just sit around waiting for a bunch of fortune to fall upon our roof. For now, he got his parents support him financial (he doesn't have to pay for households bills) but what if no one anymore. He just shutted down. Everytime I try to bring up this thing, trying to talk to him, he always shut down. I think he knows what he's doing was wrong but again he never try to improve his life. I also repeatedly told him to tearn from other's experience, that we don't have to experience something to know that it was causing us trouble.
OOooh, I'm really tired of this situation. One of you said that I'm a bitter person. Yeah, I'm aware of that. I think I'm a bitter person NOW. He had pushed me to the very limit that I'm no longer a tender person I was. He said I changed. But I don't know how he didn't know how/why I changed.
My 3rd baby, a boy, is born with cleft lip. Even my brother said that it will be better not to tell me about the baby's condition, he knew very much how the 3rd pregnancy was tough for me because of this thing about my husband. But my father told me and I didn't even mourn it. I told my brother thanks for looking after me in a way but I have no time to be sad, I only thought of how I should try to earn the money for the surgery.
My husband even blame me for not being sad, he called me being cold-hearted on the way I brought the baby home from the hospital. It really broke my heart to hear that. Not to say that he said my vegetarianism during pregnancy cause the baby a cleft lip.
. . .
Now I know how a person can be came sarcastic, sexist, bitter, cold-hearted, etc. I'm 31 and I've been thru a lot even people I know are surprised when I told them my situation.
I only hope that my husband doesn't have to learn this life the hard way.
Thanks.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
19 Aug 10
Sorry to know what has been happening with you. It pains me to see that people still want to learn things the hard way. As a trainer, counselor, I believe that there are two ways to learn a thing - the easy way is to learn from others' experiences, advice and suggestions and the hard way is to walk down each path and learn for yourself.
Your husband has still to wait till he walks down the path, and until that happens, you have to bear the hardships.
Take care.
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
19 Aug 10
I am a also a mother of three kids but they are now grown up. I went true with the same conditions as you are right now. THe only difference is he has a job and he has a good relationship with his children. But when it comes to decision making "before" he is depending on me and you are right husband depending to his wife. I agree as a wife. But we don't want them to call a loser of course. We love them as the way we do before we're getting married. But the reality is in front of us showing to us that the life is this.. Try to be strong to hold your family tight. Just look into your children and focus to them. Actually we are the winner!
Have a nice day!
Have a nice day! @caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 10
THANKS very much. This is really what I need. I keep telling myself to stop grieving about this condition and pay more attention to the children. But it's hard to look after 3 children and work at the same time (I mean to earn in many ways as possible).
I love him and don't want to call him loser but he gave me no choice.
I always feel depressed, and some even call me bitter. They don't know what I've been thru.
Thanks for your support.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
19 Aug 10
Personally I think I would get so tired of it that it would cause build up of frustrations and eventually it would lead to arguments on a daily basis of him being so lazy! That is not a healthy relationship for the kids to be around. Not saying that is your situation but that is what mine would end up to be if my husband were like that. And I think eventually the relationship would come to an end. We all hate to see that but a relationship is to be equal work between both parties. Good luck to you and your husband hope it works out for the best.
Have you ever tried expressing these thoughts and feelings with him? Does he know you would like him to help out a little more? If not then that would be your first step is to let him know your feelings and see if that helps at all.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 10
Hi. Thanks for responding. I was so tired all the time, I was so tired inside. I don't really care anymore if my problems with my husband shown to my in-laws. They can see what my husband is doing everyday.
I agree with you that a relationship is to be equal work between both parties and that's what I said to him. But when it comes to face the children and daily chores where his help would be appreciated he can easily walk out of me with no guilt.
Once I told him, I never regret being pregnant and have these beautiful children but I regret the fact that he doesn't act like a parent. By the way, I try to set my mind to make it easy for me by telling myself that I got 4 children. My husband is the oldest so he doesn't need any extra care. He can look for food when he was hungry, etc.
I tried to talk to him how I'm feeling and how it always bring me to tears everytime I end up the conversation with him seems to not understand what I'm saying.
I never want to marry a rich man, I never ask anything like a house, a car, expensive clothes. I just want him to be someone with feeling and responsibility.
Run out of words. . .
@kangchily (49)
• China
19 Aug 10
I should be very sorry to tell you,do you think most of the men around you failed because your circle of friends have problem.If words are your friends with most of them are losers.You should learn to figure out what kind of person is worthy of you to the friends.Standars have a lot of good friends,character,ambition,responsibility,sense of justice and so on.Do not know if you know the boys have not meet these standards for?In fact,the man who possesses what good quality,no matter how difficult the situation now,he will one day succeed.Believe me.
@Rdrswife1 (2)
• United States
19 Aug 10
I don't believe men are losers. I just believe that us women expect to much from them and when they don't fulfill everything we then resort to calling them a loser. Men do a lot more in this world then women do.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 10
Sorry but I have to disagree with you that "Men do a lot more in this world than women do."
All women can do everything that men can do. Men can't do what all women can do.
First of all they don't give birth. They don't have this sense of parenting immediately (maybe there are . . . only some).
Men's job? I can laugh at it. Even women can do heavylifting.
Shortly, I think you say it wrong. Women do a lot more in this world than woman do.
Women even raises little man child so that he could be someone later when he grew up.
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
18 Aug 10
i appreciate your sharing of story. i do not believe that men in general or most of them are losers. people are not born losers. they make themselves losers. life offers great opportunities to be better and always becoming better. life is so rich that anyone has a chance to be great. well, some countries restrict the freedom of their people. but in most countries, opportunities abound. and people choose to be whatever they would like to be, either loser or winner.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 10
YOU ARE SO TOTALLY RIGHT. Very positive. I also thought of that, people are not born losersl, they make themselves or their surroundings perhaps are also responsible for them being losers.
But when you have the choice to make, don't choose to be a loser. Are they stupid? are the comfort zone they're in (which make them losers) too comfort to make them non-losers?
Well, I came from a not poor and rich family, just in lower-mid class. It wasn't much to ask back then and none to buy for us children. My parents never thought me how to earn money or bla2 to equipped the children with survival plan, just go with the flow. And by time, we just know what to do, to be responsible to what we do and the future (my children).
My brothers are younger than me and it seems they are men who are not losers. They are not married but they took care of my children better than my husband.
I can't say anything more to describe the loser in my husband.
Thanks for your comment.
@Tushavi (2077)
• Karachi, Pakistan
18 Aug 10
I am feeling sorry to you, But God creates the Men more powerful than women, so better, its to convinced your husband, & please don't say men are loser, if you do so I would say, GIRLS,WOMEN=BLACKMAILERS lol
have a nice day.
P.S. I have lot of bad experience with stupids girls.
@caesarin (1089)
• Indonesia
19 Aug 10
LOL!!! Yeah, that's I thought men are creatures of muscle but not of brain LOL.
No, I become sarcartic since I was disappointed to my husband. Can you imagine that at the end of the day or even between his work, he sat in front of the computer playing games at Facebook (Mafia Wars) ignoring the children's crying, begging me to do this and that while my hands are full? I'm not asking him to be a mother but please give me a hand when I'm in need. They are his children too.
Well, I don't mean to address all men as losers. But I should say that most of the men I know are losers.
@X18PRS (114)
• Canada
18 Aug 10
Wow, well I think this is just your individual situation! I don't think my girlfriend would call me a loser. And I certainly don't think my dad is a loser. So, I think you are basing your opinion on the acts of your husband. I don't think you can call all men losers because of one person you may have this experience with. I am not saying all men are perfect, but I certainly don't think all women are perfect either. So, do men = losers? Some yes and some no. Do women = losers? Some yes and some no. Each individual is different, and it doesn't matter whether they are male or female, but everyone is going to have their imperfections. So, there is no way you can say ALL men are losers! Good luck with everything!!!
